Recently I've been trapped inside my head. I've always had anxiety for as long as I can remember, but my recent stress levels have begun to send things haywire. I've developed OCD and it's only become worse as time passes. I used to go to counseling, and I was on medication as a teenager, but I haven't done either since I was about 15, 5 years ago. I've been fighting these demons on my own. Here are some fears maybe someone could help me with. I'm just looking for someone to understand and support me through this. I'm hoping to find someone with some of the same phobias.
1.) I'm petrified of my heart rate. I check my HR almost constantly. I've noticed it tends to beat faster when I take showers, so I take shorter cold ones to keep my heart at ease. When I feel my pulse, if I think it's too high I go into panic, (usually 80-100 bpm) and then of course my heart races more because of that, and I hyperventilate and almost pass out until the panic attack is over. I had an EKG last year, and it was normal. I'm only 20, and I realize I'm young and healthy, I just can't seem to shake this fear or the constant tightening in my chest.
2.) Fear of dying in my sleep. I'm so terrified my heart will just stop in my sleep. I usually can't fall asleep until I have no choice not to. Sometimes I even call family members to tell them I love them before I even lay my head down.
3.) People poisoning my food. I tend to not eat anything that has already been opened before. I won't eat home cooked meals at friends houses, and a lot of the time it's hard for me to even eat fast food.
If anyone can help me, support me, be there for me I greatly need someone who understands what I'm going through. I'm exaughsted. Thank you all for even reading this, it means so very much.