Heart rate, OCD, fear of dying

Recently I've been trapped inside my head. I've always had anxiety for as long as I can remember, but my recent stress levels have begun to send things haywire. I've developed OCD and it's only become worse as time passes. I used to go to counseling, and I was on medication as a teenager, but I haven't done either since I was about 15, 5 years ago. I've been fighting these demons on my own. Here are some fears maybe someone could help me with. I'm just looking for someone to understand and support me through this. I'm hoping to find someone with some of the same phobias.

1.) I'm petrified of my heart rate. I check my HR almost constantly. I've noticed it tends to beat faster when I take showers, so I take shorter cold ones to keep my heart at ease. When I feel my pulse, if I think it's too high I go into panic, (usually 80-100 bpm) and then of course my heart races more because of that, and I hyperventilate and almost pass out until the panic attack is over. I had an EKG last year, and it was normal. I'm only 20, and I realize I'm young and healthy, I just can't seem to shake this fear or the constant tightening in my chest.

2.) Fear of dying in my sleep. I'm so terrified my heart will just stop in my sleep. I usually can't fall asleep until I have no choice not to. Sometimes I even call family members to tell them I love them before I even lay my head down.

3.) People poisoning my food. I tend to not eat anything that has already been opened before. I won't eat home cooked meals at friends houses, and a lot of the time it's hard for me to even eat fast food.

If anyone can help me, support me, be there for me I greatly need someone who understands what I'm going through. I'm exaughsted. Thank you all for even reading this, it means so very much.

4 Replies

  • hi

    i understand what you are going through,i have had ocd for over 20yrs and its a total pain in the backside,what you need to do is see your doctor and ask for help.It also sounds like you have anxiety which then can trigger panic attacks,this also needs to be treated.i have learned just recently to live with ocd,it can be bad at times but i try to be a rational as i can which ocd does not like,when you see what you are doing you can make changes to yourself which can make life better,being rational and not living in your head can make a huge difference,remember ocd does not want you to see reality just fantasy,thats where it gets its power over you,i totally feel for you being this young and having to deal with ocd but there is hope,see your doctor,get help,relax,think,act.

  • I have this won't eat some foods as scared of getting ill and would never eat meat out only eat it if I have cooked its aweful and rules your life ,

    I also have diverticulitis and scared to go far as I need the toilet

    All the time sits great to have support on here x

  • Sorry, this is awful as I'm always in fear I have cancer and I'm dying

  • And then I obsess over it so much that I take really bad anxiety attacks ,and am always feeling nauseated as well.

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