Looking for a friend

Hello friend! This is my first post here. I am reaching out because I can't stand feeling alone anymore. I've been suffering from severe anxiety and depression for nearly 6 long years now. I am in the midst of a bout of agoraphobia. I haven't really left my apartment in almost a year. I hate it. I am a mother to two crazy girls, one is 15 and the other is 4. I've really let my anxiety control my life and I am missing out on so much. I hate that I've let this happen, that my kids are being cheated out of memories we could be creating together. I'm rarely happy, I stay in my room, in my bed a lot. I've just started therapy 3 weeks ago, and I know it takes time but I am definitely not feeling any better. In fact, my anxiety is only getting worse. I do not take any medication for these issues, as I freak out just taking Tylenol. My doctor put me on zoloft, then when that didn't work out, lexipro. That ended up being a nightmare. Also my anxiety causes a lot of weird physical problems, but over this past week I've had the strangest thing happen so far and it's causing me to have a lot of panic attacks. My right arm feels super heavy and weak and my neck as well. I literally have to hold my head up with my hands. The only time I feel ok is when I'm lying down. I can't make it to my doctor right now for several reasons, the main one being I don't think I could actually make the drive to the office. (My anxiety is so bad right now.) Has anyone else ever had something like this happen? This new symptom is freaking me out.

I could really use a friend right now that can relate to what I'm going through. It's a hard life to live like this. I just want to get better.

7 Replies

  • Hello heykat... im sorry you are going through this and you feel alone. I also suffer from random panic attacks and anxiety. It really sucks! Everytime I feel something weird going on with my bidy I panic. I have a hard time breathing sometimes when im panicking. Everytime I take a tylenol or advil or any over the counter medicine i start to panic thinking im having an allergic reaction. My lymph nodes under my jaw swells up I panic. It could be anything. I tell my fiance about how I feel and he always thinks there is something wrong.He makes me feel like immaking stuff up. People that dont suffer like we do just dont get it. I talk to my best friend. She always seems to calm me. If shes not available I clean, or paint, or just do anything to keep my mind off it. My panic attacks havent been that bad lately. I started juicing everyday in the morning. And one of my main ingredient in my juice is lots of celery. It helps the nervous system. Also I try to eat tuna. That helps with anxiety also. I have a 10 year old son. When I feel like an attackb is coming I would go talk to him about his day or just talk about anything. I hope someday you will be happy and get over this.

  • Thank you for your reply. :) I feel where you're coming from concerning your fiance. My husband just laughs now when I tell him about a physical problem I'm having. It makes me so mad and sad. I wish I could make him understand. I've changed my diet to a better one. It's not perfect but I can say that I barely eat any sugar, greasy foods, absolutely zero caffeine, fruits and veggies as much as I can. My main problem is that I pretty much get no exercise. I use to be pretty active but now that I'm scared to leave the house I don't do much. My anxiety has gotten to the point to when I am feeling bad the only thing I want to do is lie in bed with it very quiet, which is pretty often. It seems like the harder I try to make things better the worse I am feeling. I don't understand it. Sometimes I just feel like giving up but I have my kids that depend on me and I don't want to leave them without a mother but at the same time what good am I as a mother now? It's frustrating.

  • Hi there, ya i have had chronic anxiety for around 30 years now , it started off slow so i was able to work then panic attacks started as they do , plus i also got lots of phobias , i have been in hospital twice the first time for almost 2 years the second time for about a year . I do take meds but they don't do me much good to be honest with you... Please contact if you want too , :)

  • Hey Luv!! I am really feeling your story and I understand every bit if it! Every thing that you are expericing I've had at least once or twice. Yes you are having serveer axeitiy! I've felt and feeling like I'm letting my whole life go to waste. The ppl around me I'm feeling like I'm slowing them down bc we are a close family, an they don't want to do anything unless I'm involve. So I understand that feeling about your kids. I want to have kids Oneday but the anxieties... i don't want to rob them of their childhood. You need ppl to talk to you, help you get through everyday. You need listeners. I hope and pray that your day go well today... Bc you need that relief.

  • Thank you so much for your reply! It is good to know I am not alone out there in the world even if I am alone here at my apartment. My husband is literally gone all day working. I lost my job in January, we couldn't make it without, so he now has a part time job along with his full time job. I feel so guilty about it. I feel guilty about the kids. Pretty much everything I feel horrible about. I was pretty much a single mom for about ten years and I used to go and do everything, go everywhere. I can't tell you the last time I made it to a school function for my daughter.

    Thank you again for your reply :)

  • I want to start by saying Hi and of course I will be your friend. I suffered from extreme anxiety for years and I am now slowly on the mend. I will NEVER EVER lie to you about treatment/help, so here goes...

    Let me tell you the following facts, I know initially they are going to seem empty and not make you feel better but our brains can be trained to respond in different ways to stimulation, given time and will power. Remember these are not opinions they are FACTS:

    1. Anxiety is known to cause an almost endless list of symptoms. Almost anything you feel can be caused by anxiety. The reason we have anxiety is because we interpret the symptoms as dangerous or serious.

    2. Medication has been scientifically proven to assist with anxiety disorders. Medication does have negative impacts sometimes but these can be almost entirely mitigated.

    3. Anxiety Attacks and Agora are 100% harmless. No one has EVER died of anxiety attacks.

    4. Suitable medicine combined with therapy have an almost 100% success rate in improving the quality of life of anxious/depressed people.

    5. Non of the above will make any difference unless you do something about it...

    So, right now, write down the following:

    1. You WILL ensure you are seeing the right Psychologist, and organise an appointment within the next week.

    2. You WILL make an appointment with a Psychiatrist within the next week.

    3. You WILL visit a doctor to get the all clear to exercise and thereafter you WILL do VERY light exercise 4 times a week.

    Remember it is scientifically proven that your problems are 100% curable and manageable. Forgot regret, embrace fear, forget guilt, embrace positivism.

    I want you to picture yourself in your current mental state, with all the fear, uncertainty, hopelessness etc.

    Now I want you to picture a new you: Someone who is going out, exercising, socialising, playing with her children in a park, going out for dinner with her husband, completely content and happy.

    That you is not a pipe dream, if you actively seek help there is a 99.999999% chance that the new you could be around in under a year. This is not a lie, this is not an exaggeration, this is completely achievable, and the only person who can make this happen is you!

    Remember that there are people that there are always people who understand and care. Whilst I might be 1000s of miles away and not know you from a bar of soap, I understand completely (I felt the EXACT same) and I care deeply that you seek the relevant help.

    You can do it!!!!!!

  • Thank you for your reply. I am slowly working trying to make things better. I've just started seeing a therapist, I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week, and I do plan on getting to the doctor for a check up as soon as possible. I know I have to do these things to get better, though I am scared. I have had bad experiences in the past with doctors so it's hard for me to get out there to take that chance, besides just getting out there. I thank you for your support and optimism :)

You may also like...