Have I made this up?

Hi everyone!

Sick of searching for answers on the Internet and instead thought i'd pose my questions to some real people and see what the response was.

I am not one to make a fuss, however recently I have been very aware of how much certain things are affecting my everyday life.

I worry particularly about social situations and often avoid such situations because of the anxiety it causes me. When in these uncomfortable situations I often freeze up or saY nothing, mainly due to thoughts such as ' I will say something stupid' or ' I have nothing valuable to contribute anyway'.

This fear of being stupid is also affecting my work life, I contribute nothing out of fear of people thinking I am stupid and although I am as qualified as my colleagues I feel like I may fooling everyone and waiting until they find out that I am an idiot and not as intelligent as them. My work also requires me to talk in front of others which fills me with fear for weeks and results in sheer panic when it comes to the day. This results in a vicious cycle of me feeling like an idiot and not being able to talk to people at work.

As a result of this behaviour I have no friends at work or out of work. I understand that people would find me rude/ strange/ boring etc because of this behaviour. My partner thinks that ths is all normal but I am blowing things out of proportion and I apologise if this is in fact true and I have offended anyone on here.

Although this may be s etching hat I have mad up in my own head, the resul is that I feel Stupid, worthless and a waste f space as.

I desperately want to be happy but Find that there are so many barriers to this and find myself desperately unhappy instead.

Sorry for he long post and sorry if this is notin the correct place also....

Thanks

X

4 Replies

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  • Thats social anxiety. Firstly, i can promise you that you do contribute and you are not worthless. You are very important and deserve to be happy. This may stem from low self esteem and you might just have to work on building yourself up. I dont know if you have a particular faith, but i had a lot of thoughts like this and it went away when i changed my mindset. You can do this.by saying things such as:

    I do matter.

    What i say is important

    I am a contributor

    I am not worthless

    I am proud of who i am

    It may not seem like it does anything, but oh boy, it does. If we can convince ourselves that we dont matter, dont you think we can convince ourselves we do?

    Helps to say it out loud and with conviction.

  • Hi Jasmine,I think is a bit of social phobia?I know that sometimes we can build it up the idea that other people may look at us in some ways ,but maybe is our assumption not reality.Are you hypercritical if something is not perfect for the day you have to do the speech(hairstyle, clothes, posture and so on)?I think you have to work more in your self esteem,think about your achievements and qualifications,think about that you`ve the opportunity to make a speech ,It`s not for everyone and be proud for what you can do .We all feel tense when we encounter particular situations even the stronger person may say to feel tense and anxious because we think that we can say something strange, maybe being valued as weird,but we are humans and we commit mistakes and we have to accept that ...I use irony or a bit of humor in it to break the ice if I have to talk to a group.It`s nothing wrong with your thought and telling in this site could be the opportunity to value different aspects of the uncomfortable feeling.Keep writing and you`ll see a change over time.Try to get involved in a group that reflects your interests(sport club, reading group,poetry, drawing class,volunteering ...just some ideas).More you`re in contact with people socially, more you`ll feel confident in yourself.Take care.

  • You've definitely not made anything up here! The feelings you wrote about describe pretty much how I feel! I find it difficult to talk to people for fear of being boring or saying something stupid!

    It does sound like social anxiety! You're definitely not alone, because of this I also have few friends at uni and home.

    Hope you feel better soon!

  • Hi Jasmine,

    I am so sorry to read how you are suffering and want to let you know that there are easy ways to improve your self-esteem. I am sure you are not stupid at all, or how else would you be able to hold down a job with such intelligent people as you describe? You have a partner who obviously thinks that you are worth spending time with, so how could you be boring? You value your partner's opinion, so how could you be strange if they think you are normal?

    I don't know if you feel you need professional help, but you can read books or listen to CDs on improving your confidence and self-esteem which will make a big difference to how you feel about yourself.

    Good luck!

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