i've suffered from anxiety and depression for about 20 years. most episodes have occurred during life changes (i.e. choosing a college, getting married, trying for a baby), or travel. i've been great for the past 5 years, ever since i was prescribed cymbalta. the past few years have been very stressful. my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer 4 years ago and passed away in november. i was her primary caregiver and i myself was diagnosed with ms 3 years ago. my husband was out of work for 9 months this past year and we also lost our car in hurricane sandy. i handled all of these challenges very well, however. i was laid off from the job i've had as a social worker for 17 years this week. i knew it was coming and decided to take some time off, both to relax and also to finish a book i've been writing for a few years. i was looking forward to the break, but now that it's finally here i am terrified! i'm having panic attacks and i'm very depressed. i'm having trouble eating and sleeping. i'm afraid that my anxiety will keep me from ever getting a job again. i'm ashamed that this is happening, as i wanted this break but now i'm afraid i can't handle all this time without the routine of a full-time job, even though i wanted to write full-time. my therapist thinks i might have adjustment disorder. he's normally very helpful but i didn't feel any better after this week's session. i'm seeing my psychiatrist next week but am anxious about trying out new meds with their own side effects and problems. i know i've had a traumatic few years and i should give myself a break, that it's normal to have all these feelings after everything that's gone on. but i'm having a really hard time accepting how awful this feels. i am in no way suicidal, nor have i ever been, but when i feel this way my brain goes - great, you'll just have to kill yourself! repeat - i am not going to hurt myself. i just hate that this feels so awful. tips? help?