Running out of steam :(

[Binky1]

Hello everyone, I'm looking for some guidance

I'm 53 with 3 grown up kids

I grew up with a bullying controlling alcoholic father who starved me, I married a controlling bully who liked to drink as well

My eldest daughter had cancer at only age ten, thank god she keeps well now

I have divorced in the last year, had to sell family home and move to council flat, broke up with my boyfriend as I found out he was a liar and a cheat

I have survived all of that although at times was hanging on by my fingertips but now I get anxious at the thought of going over the front door

I've been like superwoman & dealt with loads of stress but now can hardly get out my bed, I suffer anxiety & depression and am just worn out

I need to get back on track and find a job but just have no motivation at all

Lesley x

[mimii]

Hey I'd say give yourself a break you've had some really tough times to deal with , perhaps you need some time to just rest and recover before even thinking about working again xx

[Binky1]

Thankyou mimii

I think I'm just worn down with life's events but just wondering when I'll pick up again .. I feel I'm being lazy after all this time but a day at a time is all I can do for now

Swift change of subject now but I saw Rod a few times in concert .. he was fab

Lesley x

[mimii in reply to Binky1]

Yay another rod fan Ive only seen him live twice once back in 1977 think it was, the blondes have more fun tour and few years ago at Blenheim palace, he's brilliant live xx

[Hidden in reply to Binky1]

Excuse me I just need to step in here & ask mimii wont see this so don't worry but don't you think Will-i-am is better

Hope you are having a good day

xxx

[mimii in reply to Hidden]

No she likes rod best sorry but I spotted this immediately xx

[Hidden in reply to mimii]

Hi mimii

She has not said yet she may like a bit of Willy

Hope you are well , I am just doing on line shopping , there are a few offers

xxx

[mimii in reply to Hidden]

Perhaps a bit of Willy and a lot of Rod oh I do make myself laugh what's the special offers do share xx

[Binky1 in reply to mimii]

now now children ha ha ... I do like rod and I must admit i do love willy .. he is so cute & lovely & kind and I so wish I had some of his endless energy x

[Hidden in reply to Binky1]

Oh I knew you would like him Lesley

See mimii

I know he only sleeps 4 hours a night , I don't know how I would keep up but I would have a go

xxx

[Hidden in reply to mimii]

That made me laugh to & I do that make myself laugh its funny when you do especially when everyone is looking at you gone out

Well a bit of rump steak is on offer 2 for 7 or 3 for 10 , bit of a treat maybe but it is very nice , had it before

Shampoo & biscuits & there were some cakes I spotted & bacon was 2 for 4 , oh such a lot I cant remember them all , I have thrown them all in & now it is coming to a fortune so later I will have to go back & fine tune it & take some things out

xxx

[mimii in reply to Hidden]

Shampoo and biscuits, not tried that combination some good offers there you should have the lot xx

[Hidden in reply to mimii]

I didn't mean you eat them together

xxx

[Binky1 in reply to Hidden]

The only thing to eat with biscuits is more biscuits love them

Just done my asda online shopping easy peasy. You 2 are making me laugh :)) a real tonic xx

[mimii in reply to Binky1]

Nothing like a good laugh, my hubby says I laugh in my sleep as well as the odd scream poor chap xx

[Hidden in reply to mimii]

Well mimmi , if something has tickled my fancy & made me laugh in the day , I can get the giggles when I am in bed & just keep bursting out laughing

Only time I scream is when I roll over & see the hubby lying there

xxx

[mimii in reply to Hidden]

that did make me laugh about hubby that sounds like me getting the giggles in bed xx

[Hidden in reply to Binky1]

Oh easy peasy lemon squeezey was it

I make hard work of mine as always

xxx

[Evey37 in reply to Hidden]

Oh shopping at asda why why? :-0 willy and rod? Sounds rude lol

[Hidden in reply to Evey37]

Hi Evey

It was Binky shopping at asda I have been doing mine at Tesco

Oh Willy is short for Will-i-am & Rod is short for Rod Stewart , I mean me be rude never , but you have to watch mimii you know , but don't tell her I said that

Hope you have had a lovely day

xxx

[Evey37 in reply to Hidden]

Lol had a manic day at work eeek now other half trying to push me outta bed lol I know they

Short for other names was just being silly .. Hope you are well and having a stress free day x

[Hidden in reply to Evey37]

I was ok till I swallowed a prawn whole , didn't chew it & now I think it's stuck

xxx

[Evey37 in reply to Hidden]

:-0 get some water quick....if you can cough you will be fine means airways clear ...

[Hidden in reply to Evey37]

I have had water , a cup of tea still feel its there but I am coughing so I must be ok , it will teach me to chew more

xxx

[Binky1 in reply to Hidden]

Eat some dry bread as that can clear whatever's stuck xx

[Hidden in reply to Binky1]

ok I will

xxx

[Hidden]

Hi Lesley

Wow you have been holding yourself up a long time going through such a lot in your life , I think your body is letting you know that your superwomen days need a rest now & so do you , so please don't feel bad , dealing with everything most of your life allow yourself to recover , you certainly deserve it

Love

whywhy

xxx

[Binky1 in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou whywhy

I feel I should be waking up one of these days with boundless energy & enthusiasm as I have slept & rested so much over the last few months I should be well refreshed, but that's not how I'm feeling maybe one of these days with baby steps I'll make some progress. x

[Hidden in reply to Binky1]

Oh Lesley

You have have had such a life from what you have said & think of the years that you have had of all this yet as always we expect after years of suffering a few months & we should be jumping around & the thing is it doesn't work that way & the more it is on our mind why am I not feeling full of energy we tire ourselves out even more or I find that

You will make progress & yes it is good if we can take little steps but they all mount up & eventually you will be striding along again

xxx

[Evey37]

Hi binky omg you have been through a tough time ...I'd say sod it and take a rest for you. You have been far from lazy and now the worst is over your mind and body need time to recover and take stock of life. You need some you time. Get your friends round with a few bottles of wine and have a "starting new life" party don't forget our invites

[Binky1]

Aaw thankyou evey and whywhy

I know what you mean but I just think that other people have had rough times and they seem to get on with it yet I struggle

Ooooh a girlie wine starting over party sounds like a plan

Invites will be in the post ladies haha x

[Hidden in reply to Binky1]

Hi Lesley

That is something else I have had to learn to do & that is not compare myself to how others deal with things & keep remembering that we are all different

Also you never know they may not be dealing with it as well as you think they are but better at making it look like they are but which ever you are you & you will deal with it in your own way & your own time but you will get there

xxx

[Binky1]

I do agree with you whywhy but I am notoriously hard on myself .. goes back to childhood when my father blamed me for EvERYthInG!

And he has done nothing with his life I tell you but has had such a negative and destructive influence on my life

Onwards and upwards hopefully

U got something stuck in your throat?? xx

[Hidden in reply to Binky1]

Hi

My Dad blamed me for everything to from the moment I was born I think as he wanted a boy & I am a girl so think that was the first thing I did wrong in his eyes , was the wrong sex !

Then I got blamed for everything , as well as been told how useless I was oh the list goes on

Have you had some therapy to help to unravel on this & even if you have it is worth having more , it can take time as when you have had years of been made to believe something about yourself even though not true it takes some reversing those thoughts , but you can & will

Oh it was a prawn I swallowed , I didn't chew it just slid down before I knew it

When you reply do you press the Reply to this under the members comment you want to reply to

If you do then they get the message that they have a reply in their emails so they know to come on & look & if we don't & we don't catch the news feed before it moves on we can miss that someone has sent us a reply

I just noticed that I wasn't getting your replies in my emails & if I miss them I wouldn't want you to think I had ignored you

I have a hot drink now , I hope that will get rid of this prawn

xxx

[Binky1 in reply to Hidden]

Oh right I've maybe been pressing the wrong reply thingy

My father blamed me for being born as well, he blamed me for taking my mums love away from him ... well he did that all by himself by being a lazy drunken bully. I've had counselling over the years but my childhood keeps coming back to haunt me every time I perceive that I've been let down then I go back into my shell again, it's a learned behaviour to protect myself from hurt and pain but I'm losing out on a life even now

Eat some dry bread as it can help catch whatever's stuck xx

[Hidden in reply to Binky1]

Well on came through on this post but the rest don't seem to be I keep catching them in the news feed

Have you seen a psychologist ?

I have just started seeing one & hoping we can get some of this unraveled

I can understand though about protecting yourself , I am very much the same , I don't let many people in or shall I say get to close

I have eaten some bread it will be a prawn sandwich now

xxx

[Binky1 in reply to Hidden]

Haha prawn sandwich, hope it helps

I was referred to a psychologist a few months ago who asked me what did I want him to do?? He really was so unprofessional with me and was always checking his watch, that put me off but after the help and advice from you lovely ladies I think I will pursue it again as I need a kick start again and also the fact that I am worth it :))

Thankyou whywhy xx

[Hidden in reply to Binky1]

Hi Lesley

I am sorry to hear that

Another member used to have one come to visit her that put a clock on the table which she found off putting & can understand why

After years of suffering with anxiety this was the first time after muddling through I decided to ask for some help & I knew a psychologist was the way I wanted to go after looking into everything else , of course I know we are all different but that was what I

wanted for me

I did have to wait 17 months on the waiting list & when my name came to the top I was appointed a young man who was still training & young enough to be my son

Now I know he would no doubt have been very competent to do the job but knowing what I wanted to go through & because I would have been old enough to be his Mother I put my concerns to them & they agreed I needed someone older & a female may be better

I had to wait a few weeks more but this week will be my 3rd appointment

So far she seems nice & she doesn't make it obvious my getting a clock out or anything that there is a time limit , even though I am aware that each session is an hour or slightly more , but I am glad she doesn't or I would find it off putting

I am not sure how it will work but I am keeping an open mind & know that no matter what I cant come out of this any worse of & on a positive even if it is a small gain I will have gained something

I would go back , explain how you felt about your last experience , ask to go back on the list but with a different psychologist

Hope you get a good nights sleep

Take Care

xxx

[Binky1 in reply to Hidden]

I am pleased that you are having a good experience with your lady, I'm with you as in the last time they gave me a man psychiatrist and him and I just didn't gel .. I told him though at the end of the session that I had been judged all my life by a man (my father) and I certainly wasn't there to be judged and looked down upon by him, I was there for advice and help, he took it on board surprisingly. I'm not so delicate that someone looking at their watch is gonna bother me but it was so obvious that he wasn't in the least bit interested in what I had to say.

Thankyou so much for today whywhy as that has helped me a lot

Goodnight to you and sweet dreams

Lesley xx