I grew up with a bullying controlling alcoholic father who starved me, I married a controlling bully who liked to drink as well
My eldest daughter had cancer at only age ten, thank god she keeps well now
I have divorced in the last year, had to sell family home and move to council flat, broke up with my boyfriend as I found out he was a liar and a cheat
I have survived all of that although at times was hanging on by my fingertips but now I get anxious at the thought of going over the front door
I've been like superwoman & dealt with loads of stress but now can hardly get out my bed, I suffer anxiety & depression and am just worn out
I need to get back on track and find a job but just have no motivation at all
Lesley x
Written by
Binky1
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Hey I'd say give yourself a break you've had some really tough times to deal with , perhaps you need some time to just rest and recover before even thinking about working again xx
I think I'm just worn down with life's events but just wondering when I'll pick up again .. I feel I'm being lazy after all this time but a day at a time is all I can do for now
Swift change of subject now but I saw Rod a few times in concert .. he was fab
Yay another rod fan Ive only seen him live twice once back in 1977 think it was, the blondes have more fun tour and few years ago at Blenheim palace, he's brilliant live xx
now now children ha ha ... I do like rod and I must admit i do love willy .. he is so cute & lovely & kind and I so wish I had some of his endless energy x
That made me laugh to & I do that make myself laugh its funny when you do especially when everyone is looking at you gone out
Well a bit of rump steak is on offer 2 for 7 or 3 for 10 , bit of a treat maybe but it is very nice , had it before
Shampoo & biscuits & there were some cakes I spotted & bacon was 2 for 4 , oh such a lot I cant remember them all , I have thrown them all in & now it is coming to a fortune so later I will have to go back & fine tune it & take some things out
It was Binky shopping at asda I have been doing mine at Tesco
Oh Willy is short for Will-i-am & Rod is short for Rod Stewart , I mean me be rude never , but you have to watch mimii you know , but don't tell her I said that
Wow you have been holding yourself up a long time going through such a lot in your life , I think your body is letting you know that your superwomen days need a rest now & so do you , so please don't feel bad , dealing with everything most of your life allow yourself to recover , you certainly deserve it
I feel I should be waking up one of these days with boundless energy & enthusiasm as I have slept & rested so much over the last few months I should be well refreshed, but that's not how I'm feeling maybe one of these days with baby steps I'll make some progress. x
You have have had such a life from what you have said & think of the years that you have had of all this yet as always we expect after years of suffering a few months & we should be jumping around & the thing is it doesn't work that way & the more it is on our mind why am I not feeling full of energy we tire ourselves out even more or I find that
You will make progress & yes it is good if we can take little steps but they all mount up & eventually you will be striding along again
Hi binky omg you have been through a tough time ...I'd say sod it and take a rest for you. You have been far from lazy and now the worst is over your mind and body need time to recover and take stock of life. You need some you time. Get your friends round with a few bottles of wine and have a "starting new life" party don't forget our invites
That is something else I have had to learn to do & that is not compare myself to how others deal with things & keep remembering that we are all different
Also you never know they may not be dealing with it as well as you think they are but better at making it look like they are but which ever you are you & you will deal with it in your own way & your own time but you will get there
My Dad blamed me for everything to from the moment I was born I think as he wanted a boy & I am a girl so think that was the first thing I did wrong in his eyes , was the wrong sex !
Then I got blamed for everything , as well as been told how useless I was oh the list goes on
Have you had some therapy to help to unravel on this & even if you have it is worth having more , it can take time as when you have had years of been made to believe something about yourself even though not true it takes some reversing those thoughts , but you can & will
Oh it was a prawn I swallowed , I didn't chew it just slid down before I knew it
When you reply do you press the Reply to this under the members comment you want to reply to
If you do then they get the message that they have a reply in their emails so they know to come on & look & if we don't & we don't catch the news feed before it moves on we can miss that someone has sent us a reply
I just noticed that I wasn't getting your replies in my emails & if I miss them I wouldn't want you to think I had ignored you
I have a hot drink now , I hope that will get rid of this prawn
Oh right I've maybe been pressing the wrong reply thingy
My father blamed me for being born as well, he blamed me for taking my mums love away from him ... well he did that all by himself by being a lazy drunken bully. I've had counselling over the years but my childhood keeps coming back to haunt me every time I perceive that I've been let down then I go back into my shell again, it's a learned behaviour to protect myself from hurt and pain but I'm losing out on a life even now
Eat some dry bread as it can help catch whatever's stuck xx
I was referred to a psychologist a few months ago who asked me what did I want him to do?? He really was so unprofessional with me and was always checking his watch, that put me off but after the help and advice from you lovely ladies I think I will pursue it again as I need a kick start again and also the fact that I am worth it :))
Another member used to have one come to visit her that put a clock on the table which she found off putting & can understand why
After years of suffering with anxiety this was the first time after muddling through I decided to ask for some help & I knew a psychologist was the way I wanted to go after looking into everything else , of course I know we are all different but that was what I
wanted for me
I did have to wait 17 months on the waiting list & when my name came to the top I was appointed a young man who was still training & young enough to be my son
Now I know he would no doubt have been very competent to do the job but knowing what I wanted to go through & because I would have been old enough to be his Mother I put my concerns to them & they agreed I needed someone older & a female may be better
I had to wait a few weeks more but this week will be my 3rd appointment
So far she seems nice & she doesn't make it obvious my getting a clock out or anything that there is a time limit , even though I am aware that each session is an hour or slightly more , but I am glad she doesn't or I would find it off putting
I am not sure how it will work but I am keeping an open mind & know that no matter what I cant come out of this any worse of & on a positive even if it is a small gain I will have gained something
I would go back , explain how you felt about your last experience , ask to go back on the list but with a different psychologist
I am pleased that you are having a good experience with your lady, I'm with you as in the last time they gave me a man psychiatrist and him and I just didn't gel .. I told him though at the end of the session that I had been judged all my life by a man (my father) and I certainly wasn't there to be judged and looked down upon by him, I was there for advice and help, he took it on board surprisingly. I'm not so delicate that someone looking at their watch is gonna bother me but it was so obvious that he wasn't in the least bit interested in what I had to say.
Thankyou so much for today whywhy as that has helped me a lot
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xx
Ive only seen him live twice once back in 1977 think it was, the blondes have more fun tour and few years ago at Blenheim palace, he's brilliant live 
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