I've been physically sick for two and a half months now. I feel like my normal life is gone and it's now just a blur of doctor visits and waiting and growing more depressed. There have been moments where it lifts and I'm able to get out and even enjoy myself but for the most part I feel awful.
I have five children. My last was born seven months ago. When she was five months old, I was suddenly sick one day. Doc thought it was sinusitis and gave me antibiotics, although he didn't understand why I had no cough or throat issues. Antibiotics didn't work. Here is where it has spiraled out of control... More antiobiotics, none worked. Saw an ENT, sinuses totally clear. I began wondering if the pressure in my head and dizziness was due to a tumor. One day I almost passed out while nursing my baby and called 911. Ended up in the ER. CT scan, nothing. EKG, normal. Even a spinal tap....normal. Bloodwork...all normal. Recently had an MRI...ENT and ER doc both said it appeared normal. Do I even bother waiting three weeks to have a neurologist look it over?
I guess I don't feel like I have any reason to have such crippling anxiety. My life is a good one. I'm very blessed. I have a GREAT marriage. A wonderful home and community. Had a wonderful childhood. Stressors....I do have five kids and that's a loud, crazy life. I am a Zumba instructor and love to dance and choreograph but took on some responsibilities teaching parties last year (right before I got sick) that really had me worried/stressed. I do have an ex husband and his new wife to deal with on occasion. But is that enough to make me sick? I guess I feel like it can't be anxiety because I don't WANT this and I truly want to live life to the fullest again. I can acknowledge my weaknesses...I'm a perfectionist, I'm a worrier, I don't handle stress well. But because I know this I make a conscious effort to chill and be more positive. I surround myself with good people. I understand the brain is powerful and I tend to be a worrier and stress out about stuff but I've always been like that. After being this way for 35 years could these awful physical symptoms really be from anxiety??? Why now? Because I recently had a baby? Sometimes the anxiety thing makes perfect sense but then other times I find myself obsessing over what it could actually be (like there is no way anxiety could make me feel this awful on a daily basis). My life went from being Mom, running errands, cooking and baking, going to the gym, going on dates with my husband.......to doctor visits and Google searching my symptoms.
Funny thing is....my Google searches always lead to some anxiety forum. :o)
Finally, after tons of tests that are normal...I've been put on Zoloft. I'm on day five. Anyone have experience with it? I was on Prozac a few years back when my husband was deployed to Afghanistan but took myself off and replaced it with exercise. This new me doesn't feel like me. I want the old me back. But when I really think about, I can look back on my life and see I have always struggled. My struggles felt "normal" though. I've never been this sick. Depression and anxiety has never, ever made me physically unable to live my life. That alone is enough to cause depression! Ugh.