Chicken or the egg? I've always struggled with some depression/anxiety but I have never been physically ill like this before. Why now?

I've been physically sick for two and a half months now. I feel like my normal life is gone and it's now just a blur of doctor visits and waiting and growing more depressed. There have been moments where it lifts and I'm able to get out and even enjoy myself but for the most part I feel awful.

I have five children. My last was born seven months ago. When she was five months old, I was suddenly sick one day. Doc thought it was sinusitis and gave me antibiotics, although he didn't understand why I had no cough or throat issues. Antibiotics didn't work. Here is where it has spiraled out of control... More antiobiotics, none worked. Saw an ENT, sinuses totally clear. I began wondering if the pressure in my head and dizziness was due to a tumor. One day I almost passed out while nursing my baby and called 911. Ended up in the ER. CT scan, nothing. EKG, normal. Even a spinal tap....normal. Bloodwork...all normal. Recently had an MRI...ENT and ER doc both said it appeared normal. Do I even bother waiting three weeks to have a neurologist look it over?

I guess I don't feel like I have any reason to have such crippling anxiety. My life is a good one. I'm very blessed. I have a GREAT marriage. A wonderful home and community. Had a wonderful childhood. Stressors....I do have five kids and that's a loud, crazy life. I am a Zumba instructor and love to dance and choreograph but took on some responsibilities teaching parties last year (right before I got sick) that really had me worried/stressed. I do have an ex husband and his new wife to deal with on occasion. But is that enough to make me sick? I guess I feel like it can't be anxiety because I don't WANT this and I truly want to live life to the fullest again. I can acknowledge my weaknesses...I'm a perfectionist, I'm a worrier, I don't handle stress well. But because I know this I make a conscious effort to chill and be more positive. I surround myself with good people. I understand the brain is powerful and I tend to be a worrier and stress out about stuff but I've always been like that. After being this way for 35 years could these awful physical symptoms really be from anxiety??? Why now? Because I recently had a baby? Sometimes the anxiety thing makes perfect sense but then other times I find myself obsessing over what it could actually be (like there is no way anxiety could make me feel this awful on a daily basis). My life went from being Mom, running errands, cooking and baking, going to the gym, going on dates with my husband.......to doctor visits and Google searching my symptoms.

Funny thing is....my Google searches always lead to some anxiety forum. :o)

Finally, after tons of tests that are normal...I've been put on Zoloft. I'm on day five. Anyone have experience with it? I was on Prozac a few years back when my husband was deployed to Afghanistan but took myself off and replaced it with exercise. This new me doesn't feel like me. I want the old me back. But when I really think about, I can look back on my life and see I have always struggled. My struggles felt "normal" though. I've never been this sick. Depression and anxiety has never, ever made me physically unable to live my life. That alone is enough to cause depression! Ugh.

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  • HI Latter x I think the illness you describe is the normal part of anxiety most of us feel x It can make you ill with its constant changes to our body and the chemical flows within, and yet we don't give it enough credit for doing so. It sounds as if you have been very lucky in the sense of being given a lot of tests to out your mind at rest that there is nothing physically wrong. I think a lot of people are baffled as to what made them a victim to anxiety, it seems to strike when we least expect it, but then as you say periods of great stress can be a factor. I have never heard of the medication you mention so cannot help with that one sorry x x Donver x

  • Hey there

    Sorry youre having a hard time at the min............ but I guess you have a lot on your plate...... yes its all good stuff but doesnt stop up worrying,,,,,,,,,,, and I guess thats what anxiety is, and then taking it up a notch, the physical symptoms happen...............

    It has hard to accept how we can go from fun loving people to people who want to cry at the drop of a hat, or feel like were on the outside looking in, and just going through the motions...........

    this forum is fab in that you are among people who understand what youre going through............

    I hope things pick up soon for you .........

    Love Ker xx

  • Hello. I feel the same way. And although I would not wish this on anyone it's nice to know I'm not alone. I too feel like I have been fortunate and blessed in life and don't understand the anxiety that leads to depression. I've only been dealing with this for a little over a month and have sought out help from day 1, but it's still difficult to not ask "why?", "why me, why now?" It's what is keeping me up today.

    I hope you know you are not alone and wish you all the best.

  • Life can be so unkind and we think that what is happening to us is well, just happening to us an no one else. We are so wrong thinking this. Anxiety isn't an exclusive club we join, there are so many people out there suffering, some more than others.

    I could feel oh so sorry for myself, indulge in a bit of why me? And to be honest I've been guilty of this indulgent on many a occasion. But it has proved to me a much negative way to feel and things become worse not better.

    Please try to convince your mind to get better, don't saddle with maybe I've got this, or maybe I've got that. Look around you you have five beautiful children and a wonderful husband, from where I'm sitting that's one hell of a lot of positives.

    Get better soon

    Frantastic xx

  • I know exactly how you feel, just suddenly this is happening with seemingly no explanation. Have you tried any nutritional changes? Especially with the antibiotics, it seems like that could have thrown your system out of whack. They can kill off all your good bacteria in your gut, you need to replace them.

    You could have imbalances in your gut or mineral deficiencies now. Search for Dr. Mark Hyman and read some of his articles/blogs about IBS or about anxiety, they've really helped me. I had a sudden experience of symptoms similar to what you described above and started on some supplements including a high quality magnesium (it really matters the type so do research). I also stopped eating gluten and refined sugars and started taking a probiotic. The magnesium helped almost instantly (within a couple of hours) after I started taking the right kind. And the rest helps me maintain. I still am working to retrain my brain a bit and do meditation exercises but many of the physical symptoms have subsided.

    I think the regular medical community doesn't think to look at nutritional causes.

  • I know that the future will never be like the past. The past experiences are past experiences. We can face all present and new challenges if we do not compare the present with the past ones. We can overcome all present circunstances and situations. We must face them with a renewed mind. New is every morning!

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