I am lazy and pathetic..cant pull myself together

dear All.

I lost hope. there is no light. my problems and bad thinking habits are so deeply rooted that nothing can help me.. tablets. therapies..it simply doesnt work. I've had enough..this timevis different. I dont believe I can feel better. I lost the war. not a battle. crying all the time and thinking about my death as a solution.. but thats egoistic. gave up work after 1 day I feel like a horrible and useless failure. dont want my bf to see me cry so I sleep all the time. Im taking one a night sleeping pills. when I wake up I take another one..want to disppear and dont bother my bf. it is getting boring for every one. the same bloody thing.. and when ppl tell me im only 30 I panic . I think that I might live till eg 60 and dont imagine suffering so long.. I wish I were old now..

anybody has the same feeling ?

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17 Replies

  • Hi

    Oh my friend you are low at the moment I can see that but you are not lazy & pathetic please believe me you are suffering & not well at the moment please try & accept that & not that you are a failure because you are not !!!

    Your Mum is so looking forward to your visit & you need to try & focus on something positive like that :-)

    You tried work & at the moment it was to much but we said maybe in the future looking for something a couple of days a week just till you feel able to cope better & you will please believe me

    Would you do something for me & contact your therapist or GP & let them know how bad you are feeling please :-)

    Your BF loves you dearly & your Mum does to it is the way you are feeling about yourself that is saying these things but believe me you are all they want because they love you just as you are as I know you are a lovely person & so do they

    When we feel so low we cant see anything good about ourselves yet others can , everything gets clouded in our thoughts but that's the illness & not what is real in reality which you will get better & see this eventually

    Please make those calls for me or if you need to talk phone the Samaritans

    08457 909090

    I am thinking about you :-)




  • thank you Whywhy. I will see my therapist on Monday and I will tell her how I feel. Im so scared. its incredible that I was quite all right and then stress brought this again..its like someone pressed a button. I will go to psychiatrist in Poland too. I have to survive till May..

  • Hi

    Hope you are feeling a little better this morning :-)

    Let us know how you get on Monday & keep talking on here if you need someone to listen :-)

    Thinking about you :-)


  • hi. im still in bed in my yesterday clothes and watching my brothers pics from tenerife. how I would like to go away..but wont escape from my thoughts..

    have a nice day ! x

  • Hi Gatita x Please dont despair, before we can start to get better we truly have to hit the bottom, and I think you have, but the good news is you cannot go no further, and if you ever find yourself slipping again you will know that it was hard but you got up , as you will now x A few month ago, I thought I was getting better, and I felt better in myself and all other ways, but I was kidding myself, juggling balls and trying to please everyone, I was rushing to do things before I was ready and heaping the pressure on x I had dreams f the possible ways out of my situation, I was a mess and then one day I snapped and I cried and cried and banged my head off the wall or anything else I could find x I was having cbt and I thought how can this be making me worse yet here I was clearly broken. I had lost my battle. BUt then the next day I awoke and it was a new day, a brighter day and I rose and went to, I realised that all the balls I had juggled had fallen and they did not matter, I was not going to pick them back up, only the important ones such as hubby and kids x Sod the rest. I stopped reading about anxiety, stopped questioning when I would be better, I accepted it was how I was going to be for however long, I put one foot in front of the other and I walked forward, and now only 3 month later, I am halfway back up the ladder from the bottom, I can smile and I can laugh I can see the woods through the trees x I realised I was not a failure, i had merely failed at one thing that could be fixed if I

    tried again x Every day I get up and I go, Some days, I go backward, and some I leap forward, sometimes I go back down and take a peep x But then I climb back up and start again x We all lose some battles, but t lose a battle is not a indication you will not win that war x Donver xx

  • congratulations Donver! you're doing so well ! maybe it is the bottom but I hit it about 4 times/year and Im just tired. .and thats why I lost hope...also I am torn between 2. countries and I would like to go back to mine but my bf wouldnt go with me. Ive been living in this little depressing town for 8 years and first we had plans and dreams and now there is nothing. survival. he works at night and sleeps whole day and Im on my own thinking if this is the life I want to have ? no..but I love him and have to be here..

  • Hi Gatita x Ty x Sorry I did not know you where not in your own country that must be hard x And Sometimes when we are homesick it can make the anxiety feel worse x If it upsets you so much not being home then it would be your choice to make as to if you returned x Sometimes we have to do what is right for us x Living in depressing little towns is hard, I live on one myself and it so un motivated x Hope you are feeling better soon x

  • You can't give up, I know its hard trust me I deal with anxiety and depression and it sucks, for so long Ive let it control me and I thought I was a waste of life but now I'm almost back too my normal routine, this past week has been bad for me I always think I have cancer or something terminal, I have this pain in my side that won't go away and I'm scared each and everyday but, you gotta live in the moment i know its easier said then done but its mind over matter and , feelings are like waves they come and go and if you gotta cry then cry! its helps me feel better , you can't give in, I know sometimes you think and ask why do you have this? but I believe everything happens for a reason and you can only go up from here and your a strong human being anyone ,with anxiety for that matter and battling with it is stronger then the average person I bet no one could walk in our shoes but I wouldn't wish it too my worst enemy too even try and step in our shoes…but don't give up keep it positive and don't isolate yourself you gotta try and get out be happy be with your boyfriend cause we only have now, were not promised tomorrow, breath, stay calm, live and love.. I'm praying for you Gatita.

  • thank you.. well said about tomorrow. I know it might not come ..so I shouldnt worry so much about the future but it turned into obsession ! when I feel bad Im sure I will feel bad forever..I cant relax and think about something else. bad thing is when I have a job that doesnt require thinking and I rumminate and fight woth obsessive bad thoughts but tears come and its getting worse..

    I started to work for an agency and after 1 day my bf called to say due to my anxiety I cant go there anymore... so I think IM just lost for this company. who would risk again ? :( thanks for praying. I used to pray but now I cant..;( take care

  • Hi Gatita

    I hope you managed to calm yourself and get some sleep.

    Please don't consider yourself a failure, that could never be true.

    You obviously are a warm and loving person, you need to have faith in yourself, believe that you can be the person you want to be, that you can give so much more and that you can lift yourself from that terrible place where you are in your mind.

    I know it's easy for anyone else to say but it's you going through this awful time, it can be done though.

    You will need help and whichever form of help you need from your therapist or GP, take it and work with it, you can do it sweetheart. There is light at the end of that dark tunnel, please be strong and push yourself on, you will make it.

    Keep posting and talking.

    All the very best. X

  • Helllo Gatita,

    I agreed with the supportive advice given by many before me. But it comes across to me you need something positive to be focused on. When did you last spend some time with your friend and had a laugh? or Went out and did something you enjoyed? If you did what was it that you enjoyed? What make you happy and bought a cheer to your hear?

    Do you enjoy drawing or doing something creative. It is one way of distress your feeling in drawing or doing something creative. It seem like you lost your passion for things you enjoy. Especially as this is not your hometown and you are missing your loved one. It can be hard for you and you may have culture shock to how people and area and life style that you were use to, to how you are living now. All which can be over wheeling to get use to, which can't be easy to adopt to over the years.

    But within the changes, have you made some friend whom you could go out with and do things which bring enjoyment to your heart and mind, it may be simple to other but meaningful to you. Sometimes as you sit with your self, have a think. You and your bf came for change of life style, have you been able to enjoy that yet as you ones dreamed of?

  • hi. I go for walks but I cry all the time and Im terrified. We went to the movies yesterday and I cried too but it wasnt a sad film. my anxiety and fear control me. my bf is loosing his patience and sending me home abroad for an intensive therapy. Im torn between 2 countries and my family and my bf and our cats. It was his idea to come here. I never wanted although I think English people are lovely and tolerant and life is easier here. I dont belong here and I feel it even after 8 years...He wants to stay here but has no plans for the future..I lost strenght,hope and. any joy. the world is a scary place. I cant have a job because I am so anxious I cry and have all these attacks. I hate myself amd cant look in the mirror.wish I could switch off totally. dont knownwhat to do..my friend camebovervnd made me smile but I couldnt enjoy the time with her because I was thinking what i will do when she leaves..thanks for your advice. I used to laugh.. but thats the past

  • It sound like you are going to some depression. You should go and see your GP and ask for some counselling referral. Looks like you are missing home. Do keep a diary of your daily feeling. And it ok to cry as it one way or releasing those tensed feeling. Listen to music and try meditation to help you with your anxiety. It sound like you are really have a difficult time adjusting to the your surrounding.

  • hi. thanks for that. Ive been abroad since 2005 but it wasnt my choice.. I wanted to be with my bf.

    Ive had a depr and anxiety for about 13 years.. on and off but now it's getting worse. I had 3 therapies. I go to work and get horrible panic attacks and Im useless so I give up. those jobs are mainly warehouse, care,factory etc. I decided do go back home. a sad story. I wish Mr Blair had made a different decision in 2005 :-( I know it must sound strange..

  • Hello Gatita,

    13 years of depression and anxiety is a very long time and may be the reason now you may be feeling it too much now. Especially as you have undergone 3 different therapy which seem has not shifted the anxiety as you would have like it to. Can be very difficult for you. I am not use if you tried any self help books or looked at some website. Because if other can't help you, at least you can find ways of helping yourself, as you have done my coming onto this website. After all you are the best judge of yourself then anyone else or any therapist. Because only you know what you are going through in your heart, head and body to what is going on around you.

    What you are going through is humanly natural given the number of year you been suffering with it.

    Just like bottle our brain and body can only fill certain amount of anxiety and life issue after that we need to pure it out. To allow new things to go inside us.

    If you are interested, I found some links below that may be useful, you could try reading it and she if any thing from that make sense to you or you can try google and find other anxiety help website which you feel comforting with.


    Step 2. Learning to relax.

    The second step involves learning to relax. Two strategies can be particularly helpful: calm breathing and muscle relaxation.

    1.Calm Breathing: This is a strategy that you can use to calm down quickly. We tend to breathe faster when we are anxious, which can make us feel dizzy and lightheaded, and even more anxious. Calm breathing involves taking slow and gentle breaths. Breathe in through the nose, pause, and then breathe out through the mouth, pausing for several seconds before taking another breath. For more information, see How to do Calm Breathing.


    Listen to this when ever you feel anxious.


    Wish you all the best.

  • Its anxiety and depression that your feeling. Also I been having sleep problems and suicidal thoughts. We hide our feeling and pain from everyone and acting like everything is alright but Its sucks to have these kinda feelings and nearly killed myself. I'm started to get better and I just needed to get away.

  • I am with you. I have give up at 41 and I don't have a bf or friend. So look on bright side. I have no car. No job. No lisense. I don't know what I'm going to do. So save what you can while you can . Sucks to end up like me.

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