Awful Christmas

[felinefosterer]

Had an awful Christmas. So boring. The trouble with nothing to do is that I start to get introspective and bad thoughts keep running through my head. My partner didn't help either. We were invited to certain things but he didn't want to go. Should have gone by myself but this upsets me. It felt as though he didn't want to do anything with me. I arranged the whole of Christmas and if I hadn't then we would have done nothing. Won't do it again next year. Will just please myself.

[Mysteryreader]

So sorry your xmas was boring. It is very difficult when others don't want to join in, perhaps especially at this time of year. However, please remember that this site is for people who have anxiety in one form or another and for many that means they go out rarely often causing severe anxiety, or not at all.

.l Is there a reason why your partner finds this difficult/ Does he/she suffer fom social anxiety? I s this time of year especially difficult? Do they not like social gatherings? are they struggling aT the moment? Have you talked togther about why they feel this way? Maybe next year you will have to come to some compromise and decide whaT you do together and what seperately. Some people are just happier sitting in and listening to music, reading, watching telly etc. What is really important to you both? I have learnt and I certaintly don't find this esay that you have to talk and explain how you feel and actively listen to what the other party has to say and try not to make assumptions. I find myself or at least I try to think of all the positives my partner has to offer when situations like this arise.

Don't know if this was helpful but to me a partnership is just that and there has to be give and take.

Hope you find a solution to this for Xmas 2014

MR

[felinefosterer in reply to Mysteryreader]

Thanks for yr reply. My partner does not suffer with anxiety - quite the opposite. He's very chilled. I am the one with anxiety problems and I find the only way of dealing with that is to go out and distract my thoughts. Perhaps I will start going out without him. I have tried explaining the way I feel and he does understand sometimes but basically he needs a kick up the bum before he does anything.

[Hidden in reply to felinefosterer]

Hi felinefoster

I cant add more advise than what MR has already said

It seems you deal with your anxiety by going out & doing things which is good

Some with anxiety struggle going out & even to the extend where they have agoraphobia

Some people that don't have anxiety are not always ones for been out & about & can be quite content living a quieter life & enjoy spending time in their own company , maybe your OH comes into this category

I have found over the years rather than trying to change other people to try & change the way I am helps me more & also accepting others the way they are stops me feeling frustrated & with frustration I can get anxious so I try & avoid it

Hope 2014 is kind to you

Love

whywhy

xxx

[Hidden]

Hello this reminds me of me, my family never seem to want us to go out, I am like a Kardashian I just love going out with family and love being a social events and social gatherings but my anxiety started to creep in when no one wants to do things, no one wants to go places and everyone is so boring and so it causes deep loneliness for me and isolation. I am so outgoing on the inside but don't wanna go out on my own seems a bit sad so I just end up staying in a lot and have become very depressed because of it. I do organise events from time to time which is great but even that can be somewhat stressful not knowing who will come etc perhaps you could start a group in your area of girls night out or something like that? Or go out with a family member instead? Or join the gym or classes where it's busy and you can then perhaps meet a few new fascinating people big hugs and love xx

[felinefosterer in reply to Hidden]

Thanx babygirl. I think underneath it all is the fact that I resent my partner moving in with me. I really didn't want him to but circumstances were that he could no longer live where he was and he had nowhere else to go. I wasn';t ready for someone living with me full time so it stresses me out when I have to please him in my own house. Maybe you could also start a group in your area of people who just wanna go out and have fun and make it clear to them that you are not the 'events organser' and each person has to take a turn at organising something. That way you don't get the stress all the time. Or join a social group. People who meet up and do the things you want to do. You obviously have issues about being alone as well so maybe you should explore these with a counsellor. Anyway I really hope 2014 brings you more happiness and fulfilment than recent years have. All the best. x