Failed Christmas party attempt!

[izzywhizz]

Hi all, well thought i was ok to go to my work christmas party but couldn't have been more wrong! after writing how well i thought i was doing it all went badly wrong and had to call my husband to come and get me. the feelings just came over me in a wave. I got really cold, couldnt drink my wine and generally felt terrible. All i wanted was to get home and in my bed so i could block out the feelings of helplessness. I just can't seem to get a grip on myself. My CBT therapist said I 'shouldn't give into my thoughts' but how do you stop? I find myself just gazing into space having dark thoughts again and again. How i long for my old life back before this cruel illness got of hold of me. I would love to hear from anyone who has beaten it so i can believe there is hope.xx

[Angel87]

Hi,

Are you on any meds hun??

I am in a very similar position to u.

I finally admitted defeat yesterday and went to my GP to seek help.

I usually find getting some fresh air helps or however daft it sounds, just sitting on the loo for a few minutes! Its usually cool in bathrooms and quiet so u can gather your thoughts and take some deep breaths.

x x

[izzywhizz]

hello Angel87. thank you for replying. yes i've been on cit since august and they were helping brilliantly until this week and have no explanation why i feel so bad again. I sometimes take myself off in my car and just drive which really helps and i always turn to this site when i'm like this as i find it comforting to kknow others feel the same and i'm not bonkers. I hope you get some peace from it over christmas and you did the right thing going to the drs x x

[Angel87]

Ive only started the meds today and have felt really rough but it can only get better..... right?!

Yeah doing the things that relax you is good, take time out of ur day to try and find some happiness.

This site is amazing, sometimes u can feel so alone but it is comforting to know ur not alone.

x x

[izzywhizz]

mine took about 6 - 7 days to kick in but i was off work for a month until i really felt better in myself. was off 3 days last week but am hoping to go back on monday. thankfully i've 2 weeks off at christmas! it really is a cruel illness and i hope your meds help you soon xxx

[Angel87]

Im going to try work next week but fear I may need to get signed off. I just feel bad as my husbands working 15 hour days and im struggling to do basic tasks.

I don't want my boss's to think im unstable, there is such a stigma attached to anxiety and depression but I need them to be aware of the situation

Hopefully the time off will do you some good x x

[izzywhizz]

i felt just the same as you so was very pleasantly surprised by my bosses attitude and support. She is a very strong child free lady who i never really thought had much humanity in her soul even though we work in the NHS but she was brilliant and really encouraged me to only come back when i was ready. ALso when i went back I was totally honest with my colleagues (I manage a team of 14) and told them exactly what was wrong with me and again to my surprise they were fantastic and i found the more i opened up the more people actually opened up to me and i realised that i certainly wasn't on my own and others at the hospital had had the same thing and they too just didnt realise what to do so had been struggling on. Please don't worry about any stigma, hold your head up high and don't be ashamed. We're the brave ones as we've admitted that there is a problem and are doing something about it! We have a mental health problem - we're NOT mental (well not yet anyway ) My biggest problem has been my husband burying his head in the sand - a broken leg would have been better! xxx

[fadedlizard]

Hi Izzywhizz,

It's awful isn't it? We psych ourselves up and it's still overwhelming.

Try to focus on the positives (yes, there are some, honestly). You are feeling better, strong enough to contemplate going in the first place. You got there - yes, you had to leave early but you got there. Next time you'll be able to stay longer. And you have a husband who understands your struggle and was around to rescue you when it all got too much - pure gold, trust me.

Be kind to yourself, Izzy, you did the best you could under the circumstances.Keep going on. You're doing really well.x

[Pennylayne]

Oh izzywhizz ......don't think of it as a failure, the fact is that you couldn't have tried any harder. When those feelings are really strong it's so hard.

The fact that you didn't stay this time doesn't mean that you won't at some stage.....the thing is you actually went and faced up to the event, next time or even the time after you will feel well enough to stay longer.

Maybe there was some extra pressure on this occasion which made it more difficult, maybe it was just pre Christmas additional anxiety.

I would say ......try not to think of anxiety as 'getting hold of you', the anxiety is just energy created by your brain and it's your defence systems sort of stuck on red alert.

They can be unstuck ......talk it through with your CBT therapist and slowly and surely you will make progress until you feel that you can deal with things much better.

Best Wishes PL

[izzywhizz]

thank you so much PL for replying. as i said before i find the support on this site such a help and know i can poor my heart out on here without feeling that i am being judged.

xx

[PoppyRose]

Hi, I don't know your history but it's obvious that attending the Christmas party was a big thing for you. Perhaps look at it as someone setting a target far way too challenging for you. Perhaps smaller steps next time?

What you DID achieve was...agreeing to go, getting ready, turning up and then socialising for a short while, and having a drink. I think that's pretty good dont you when you think of it like that?

Well done, you haven't failed in my eyes.

[ellabella]

I think you did brilliant! Well done! Love and Hugs x Ella x