Today I went for my appointment with the mental health team and I just feel it was a complete waste of time. She sat and spoke to me for about 30 minutes and just kept saying I need time. The whole idea of the appointment was that my husband's passing was extremely traumatic and that was why I was referred, to help me deal with it. I do have an appointment in two weeks but am not sure now whether to go. I got the usual, eat properly, don't drink, get out etc.
I don't really know what I expect from anyone any more. Nobody can bring him back but I just can't deal with the pain that I feel, it's constant. My husband was really frightened those last few weeks and I cannot get that image out of my head. I feel angry and let down by the hospital but there is a part of myself that is angry because I didn't stay on Christmas Eve, just to be there with him so he didn't spend the night on his own worrying.I have to follow my complaint through with the hospital, but if I'm honest it's the only thing keeping me going.
Yesterday I went to the Eye Hospital as I had been referred for a cattaract - I did nothing but cry solidly all the time I was there, to the point that they moved me to a small room on my own. I cannot cope being around people, I'm the same if I'm in the doctor's surgery for more than 10 minutes, I just completely fall to pieces.
I do everything that everyone tells me to do, I keep the appointments but I know the only one who could get me out of this is my husband,. I can't do this on my own.I