Currently I've scared myself about acceptance so now I feel absolutely awful at work as I type this, as it feels like nothing is working for me anymore.
I keep worrying that acceptance means im supposed to scare myself all the time or something to get used to it and I'll always feel this way or that I'll agree with the thoughts and go mad if I let them in?
It did help. Me the other day but I seem to of lost sight of how to do it so I'm panicking even more.
Can somebody please break through this horrible fear I'm in?
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Richy626
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I know where you are at. Been there. I'm sending you lots of hugs.
Have you read "Nothing works"? You talk about how nothing is working. There's a reason for that. "Nothing" actually works. It's hard to grasp but with time and practice you'll get it. It's the same thing as what you've been practicing: Acceptance. This piece approaches anxiety/depression the same way as the acceptance approach, coming at it from a slightly different direction. Nothing is working for you because "nothing" actually works. Check it out: nothingworks.weebly.com/
I find that different approaches to the concepts can help them really sink in. So claire Weekes helped me the most, but I needed some other resources to really help me "get it". Like the "Nothing Works" essay for example. Check out my resources on my profile if you like.
Keep talking to us- This is hard. You're sensitized right now and it feels so scary, I know. We're here to support you!
Thank you, I will read these tonight, I just don't understand why I took something that was working in acceptance, I was letting the feelings and thoughts pass through me not snagging onto them, I was growing in confidence, and then bam I started to believe oh acceptance means you should scare yourself all the time, and that's just what I've been doing, ALL DAY today, I'm an absolutel wreck right now almost finished my shift, I'm. Physically reacting to everything and can't stop it, and the physical reactions are so intense today!
These sensations are uncomfortable but they cannot, cannot harm you....Stop swimming- just Float, float, float. Imaging you are on a gentle, warm river and floating on top of it, downstream, looking at all the beauty around you. You are totally safe, and the water is carrying you gently down the beautiful river. Arms and legs are out, you are totally trusting. Or float above the waves of the warm, clear ocean. No swimming- just floating. Loosen to the best of your ability, don't fight any of these feelings you are having, just let them be- let your thoughts be- let everything be- just float....
Thank you, can I ask for the sake of my anxious mind right now, I take it accepting a thought isn't agreeing with it? That's what scared me most today I think.
"......The nervous person should accept every strange aspect, strange thoughts, strange emotions, realize they are only thoughts and he need not be bluffed by thought..." (Claire Weekes)
Do not be bluffed by a thought Here's how I do this. My anxiety is very distinct and it's a separate part of my mind. These days, it is usually calm and settled, only waking up for certain things (a big problem, a true emergency, etc...) But sometimes it wakes up when it doesn't need to - so anytime I am tense or anxious or negative, I ask myself- "Hey, is this my anxiety talking? Because I know my anxiety is trying to do a good thing and keep me safe, but completely gets it wrong most of the time!" If I think it's my anxiety doing the talking, I have a conversation with it. I'm very gentle and loving with my anxiety- he's a good guy in my mind, just impulsive, twitchy and can't be in charge/cant be trusted most of the time. Like a 2-year-old- or my anxious dog- Adorable but not the one to be in charge of most things, you know? Occasionally, yes he can be in charge (car speeding towards me, house is on fire, etc) but handle day to day stuff? Never. So I tell my anxiety that while I appreciate the effort, that's a silly thought and I have no intention of paying it any mind. Anxiety will yell and scream at me to pay attention, and I laugh at it. Again- like it's a 2-year old having a temper tantrum. Have you ever seen a 2-year old really lose it in the grocery store? Drooling and writhing on the floor? Screaming for a popsicle like he's going to die without one? My anxiety can pull that sometimes. Do you give in to the toddler on the floor, begging for the popsicle? No- that reinforces the behavior Then, it keeps kicking and screaming me to acknowledge the "emergency", and at this point I just tell anxiety, "So be it." Anxiety might have a very convincing message for me, with a very terrible forecast- and by telling my anxiety "so be it", he finally settles down (sometimes), realizing I am the responsible one- the one who knows the forecast is probably wrong. I am the one who knows we can't control so many things in this life. I'm the one who knows that bad things do happen in life but so be it anyway- I accept that bad things happen because that's life. I am the one who knows that getting all worked up is no way to go about solving problems. I am the one who knows that anxiety can only participate so much in the conversation because, as we know, he can't be trusted despite the good intentions.
And so many of the messages are wrong, wrong, wrong, anyway. Silly anxiety.
So I have a few avatars I use for my anxiety and I can share them with you if you want. The really help me with this approach.
So that's how I deal with the thoughts. I have had a few big challenges with anxiety-generated thoughts since my own anxiety recovery- and this approach (which as you can see is completely based on the acceptance approach) has kept me calm. Almost scary calm. Like, who am I? I've changed. You'll change.
But you are sensitized right now. This approach to the thoughts is not going to "work" so well to "fix" things. Yes, take my approach if you like it and practice it, but for the most part, you simply need to accept how sensitized you are and how everything, EVERYTHING you are feeling and so many of the thoughts are simply normal for your state right now. Trust me, it's normal. You don't need to fear it. Stop swimming- float, float float....
".....Try to see it for what it is, no more than a tired mind in a tired body that is sensitized by fear..." (Claire Weekes)
I tried SSRI made me worse, I'm scared to do therapy as it makes me concentrate on anxiety more and make a bigger deal out of it, but that's just how things are for me right now, I'm going through the worst patch of the year currently and fighting not to be signed off work after 2 years of having this at this intense level.
Last night was a very bad night to be fair and this morning when I first woke up. It was awful so ill just have to put this down as a bad day, and try better to adopt the so be it attitude and that I'm not in any danger, thanks for all your help tonight, I'll. Probably read the things you sent me tomorrow as I think the best thing to do right now is try to calm down before bed, I totally lost my perspective yesterday and it carried over to today.
Totally get it. My daughter likes less therapy now for the same reason- it makes her feel like a "sick person" if she's needing all this therapy. And any notion that you're ill makes anxiety wonder, "wait, do we have a big problem here?- oh that's my job, here's some more adrenaline to fight the big problem!"
Anxiety is an interesting little creature up there
Thank you for the nothingworks letter you sent me - it has changed my life and @ times made me see sense in the midst of it all!
Also I'm going to use this today to help somebody I work opposite who confided in my and I found out they are the exact same as me! Like talking to a mirror!
I can't wait to show here this 😊! Your help really is amazing!
Thanks for getting back in touch. I hope and pray every day that folks everywhere suffering with their anxiety will find the way to peace and tranquility. It's fantastic you'll be able to support and help this person. What a gift! Big hugs.
Hi Richy, I’v been practicing acceptance the last few weeks. It took me a while to ‘get it’. I had to listen to Claire Weakes audios over and over again to understand what I needed to do. It was going well until 2 days ago when I was in the middle of getting my hair done, I got a pain in my chest which sent me straight into full blown panic. If I’m at home and get troubling pains I can relax, practice acceptance and let the feelings pass through me. This time though I just panicked and couldn’t relax or let the feelings/thoughts just pass. The rest of the day was pretty horrific but the next day I was just back on the acceptance band wagon and I’m doing good again. I haven’t taken a Xanax in 2 whole days for the first time in weeks so I’m feeling happy with myself.
As Claire Weakes says thoughts are just thoughts, we don’t need to be afraid of them. I hope your feeling much better now xx
Thank you for your reply :), my anxious part of me made me look at acceptance in the wrong way, what I learned when I got acceptance right that day is still in there somewhere and at times it came out today.
Right now though I'm very anxious because I have the work Christmas doo tomorrow and I'm scared I won't be up for it so I keep testing myself at the moment such is a bit of a bad habit of mine, in some weird way it makes me feel like at least I know what I'm against but obviously that isn't acceptance that's an attempt to control.
For now I guess I'll just have to accept even this as Claire Weekes would say and hope I can relax before bed and get a half decent night's sleep.
In my recovery, what i thought was 'acceptance" was really "tolerating hoping the anxiety would go away", it wasn't really acceptance. "Acceptance" that way is still fear of the anxiety and is actively engaging the anxiety. This is normal because of course, you are still sensitized to the anxious thoughts and feelings. Accept the anxiety, don't try to fight it, befriend it - stop engaging it.
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Here's how I do this. My anxiety is very distinct and it's a separate part of my mind. These days, it is usually calm and settled, only waking up for certain things (a big problem, a true emergency, etc...) But sometimes it wakes up when it doesn't need to - so anytime I am tense or anxious or negative, I ask myself- "Hey, is this my anxiety talking? Because I know my anxiety is trying to do a good thing and keep me safe, but completely gets it wrong most of the time!" If I think it's my anxiety doing the talking, I have a conversation with it. I'm very gentle and loving with my anxiety- he's a good guy in my mind, just impulsive, twitchy and can't be in charge/cant be trusted most of the time. Like a 2-year-old- or my anxious dog- Adorable but not the one to be in charge of most things, you know? Occasionally, yes he can be in charge (car speeding towards me, house is on fire, etc) but handle day to day stuff? Never. So I tell my anxiety that while I appreciate the effort, that's a silly thought and I have no intention of paying it any mind. Anxiety will yell and scream at me to pay attention, and I laugh at it. Again- like it's a 2-year old having a temper tantrum. Have you ever seen a 2-year old really lose it in the grocery store? Drooling and writhing on the floor? Screaming for a popsicle like he's going to die without one? My anxiety can pull that sometimes. Do you give in to the toddler on the floor, begging for the popsicle? No- that reinforces the behavior
Acceptance
Acceptance: The Key to Permanent Recovery from Panic and Anxiety
State of confusion
Acceptance 
Acceptance is the way to go but its not easy
