How can I explain how I feel????

[Katkins6513]

This is a question everyone askes me, and I just can't find the words to describe how I feel! At the moment, I am in the Phsciatric unit at the moment. I suffer from panic attacks and depression. Thing is, it goes so much deeper than those two words....... I just can't describe the emptiness, anger, fear and depression that hit's me! Help me get this across! I always feel that I am a fraud, and should just, " Pull myself together" and stop feeling sorry for myself! Any advice would be welcome!!!

[bertshep123]

Hi katkins6153,I think I know how you feel and it's very scary,I have felt so bad for so many years I'm used to it now,it's unbelievably difficult to explain,and everyone has an often helpful remedy,little do they know this is not welcome and we stop trying to explain,so lose chances to sort stuff out in our dysfunctional minds.I feel all the problems in the world are suffocating me and any animal cruelty has me in floods of tears,the doctors have given me Prozac but I don't feel they understand how bad my life is,I have no solution except one day at a time and creating stuff which cheers me up,I also find reading helps to stop me thinking and I enjoy doing it.hope you get more useful answers than mine,but as they say,you are not alone.Anne x

[Sundayschild10 in reply to bertshep123]

I am so sorry aout the way you feel and the situation you are in.. I have been living like this for 20 years now and still do not know the answer. I take one day at a time. From the outside to most people I talk to anyone, always have time for a laugh and very fashionable but the inside of me is crying all the time. Disaster has followed me from the age of 13 when I went into hospital after being given penicillen which neary killed me. I have had 2 vioent Husbands and lost my baby Son and13 miscarriages. I then met and married the most understanding and loving Guy and were married

[Katkins6513 in reply to Sundayschild10]

Thank you so much, you have been through so much yourself. Please look after yourself!

[Sundayschild10 in reply to bertshep123]

Sorry I only wrote part of my message when it "sent" itself. I am married to a super Guy and have everything I could need but the anxiety has been so bad and also the depression it is awful. Friends say to me "how can you feel anxious and depressed when you have so much". They just don't understand how I feel and I would give it all up for peace of mind. Take care and just remember we all understand you or we would not be writing to you. xx

[Destinbelle in reply to Sundayschild10]

Believe me I know how you all feel, I am on vacation in FL and on two previous occasions have had to bring my vacation to an end because I was so full of anxiety, fear and depression, now it is happening again, I hate myself and feel so alone and unless you have lived and felt this way people misjudge you!! I really think I do pre-empt this happening here I have allowed myself to build this place up now as a Mecca of fear!, why do I come here? My daughter loves it (she flew home yesterday after 3 weeks!) and my husband love it here and we have great friends, but to me I have become frozen with fear palpitation depression and sickness I have another 12 days and I don't know how I will make it!! So yes I understand!!

[Sundayschild10 in reply to Destinbelle]

If this is making you feel so ill is there no way you could come home early or doesn't your Husband know how you feel. I used enjoy everything whilst on holiday but way back then I was not on so much medication and could drink my holidays away - a cowards way out I know but it worked. Our holiday in our caravan in September was not that bad as I had a broken foot and used to sit outside whilst my Husband went fishing and walks. We have been married for 34 years and I really do not how he puts up with me and my moods and wen I ask him he always says "its because I love you so much". I am growing old very disgracefully and yesterday my Mobile Hairdresser came round to do my hair as I know I would panic in a Salon and because my hair is long and red and black we have decided that I should get a really. hair long curly ponytail for a change. I think I am rambling now as my night medication is kicking in. Please take care and I am thinking about you and hope you can rid yourself of your demons !!!

[Destinbelle in reply to Sundayschild10]

Thank you so very much ,I have altered our return trip this afternoon and thankfully got a night flight to Uk from Charlotte tomorrow night!! I can not understand why when I increased my meds a few days ago all Hell broke loose!!I just knew I had to get home!!!

[Sundayschild10 in reply to Destinbelle]

I am so pleased that you have managed to come home early as there is nothing worse than anxiety to a degree that you cannot enjoy your time away. I do hope that you can find some peace and a Doctor to help you cope and I really understand where you are coming from. I surprised myself yesterday by picking my Granddaughter up yesterday from the Train Station and THEN went and parked in a multi storey car park I did not know and we went for an hours shopping. I cannot remember the last time I drove into the city and did feel quite proud of myself. Please take care and let me know how you get on. What medication are you on as I take Seroxat, Diazapam and Mirtazapine together with painkillers and others for different ailments..

[Katkins6513 in reply to Destinbelle]

How horrible you must feel! Bless you, I do hope the time passes quickly for you. Funny thing with me, I prefere to be away from home, I can just fade into the background.

[Destinbelle in reply to Katkins6513]

I can stay with my daughter in Philadelphia!! but some how since the most vile attack about 4 yrs ago I struggle to stay Here in FL!!! I am so very very happy i have managed to get home early my daughters are so pleased and i am certain my husband is relieved!!!! Thank you so much for caring!!!!!

[Katkins6513 in reply to bertshep123]

Thank you Anne, I also like to read. I am now beginning newhobbies (making candles, teddy bears) thanks to the therapy sessions here at the clinic! I would have said, I did NOT need to come in here, now I feel safe and looked after! Best of luck! xx

[Nikby]

I was recently advised that for too long I've been 'trying to pull myself together' and 'trying to be positive' and that really I should allow myself to feel depressed and sorry for myself without fighting it ... give myself a chance to explore how I'm really feeling instead of constantly trying to hide or fight my emotions. Great advice but after a lifetime of not acknowledging my emotions I'm struggling to achieve this! good luck with your journey xx

[Katkins6513 in reply to Nikby]

Thank you!

[Hidden]

If you could pull yourself together you would. Do people think we like being like this. Perhaps it is a good idea that you are in hospital. You will get the right medication and help. I work on a mental health unit. There is nothing to be frightened or ashamed about. Remember 1 in 4 people will, at some point in their life, suffer from mental health problems. Take care

[Glennebright]

Health professionals don't always have the answers , my daughters both suffered panic attacks at school and I was told to get tough on them totally misunderstanding their obvious stress. It became my fault despite the fact that I get that "churned up feeling" only too often and felt often desperate. I'm still seeking the right help and wish you well things can change, optimism is all we can be x

[1darkangel]

When your in the middle of such strong emotions and thoughts writing them down helps a lot as people can try to understand you better as they can pysically see what is happening to your mind and best help you. It takes time to heal a broken mind just like it would to heal a broken leg. So be kind and patient you will feel better I promise.

[Katkins6513]

Thank you all for responding to my post! I am so grateful...... I can see that I am far from being alone. Thing is, I do such a good job of pretending to be "normal", I mistrust myself sometimes!I am now in the clinic, and feel a fraud, at the same time, I know I need help! I do want to get better, but the thought of going back to work absolutely TERRIFIES me! I just could not handle all those people and also, the journey to and from work! I will NOT do it!!!! I sincerely hope things improve for all of us! xx

[Sundayschild10 in reply to Katkins6513]

I have to have a mammogram soon as I had a cancerous lump taken from my breast nearly 2 years ago and 23 sessions of radiotherapy. Tomorrow I go and see a therapist about sexual abuse and see what is the best course is for me. My Sister-in-law told me on the phone last night to forget it and live life to the full but until it has happened to you it is best for the professionals to help you. She was drunk when she was speaking to me and drink is her therapy. .Hopefully that each day you get stronger and can cope a little at a time.and I am thinking of you. Take care and speak soon.