Worrying

Concerning that they are finding a lot more school children with mental health problems

[fadedlizard]

It's certainly a serious indictment on our society

Life is very hard for our young people but also I think we are more aware of MH issues now and more likely to diagnose than we would have been 20 or 30 yrs ago.

Hope you're doing ok.x

[wallflower_fairy in reply to fadedlizard]

Hi guys,

I know. Upsetting as it is to admit, I think it's because there's something seriously wrong with this country. I was bullied at school - mildly, but it was horrible, people shouldn't down play the effects of mild bullying, any bullying is crap and it was a daily experience - the teachers did nothing about it - I spent a lot of my time going round feeling anxious about it - alongside battling the responsibility of doing too much homework (which I never got done as I had to go for a bath in the evenings after school, it was an obsession that was the only way to cope with what was happening during the day - because the bullies made me feel horrible in myself that they made me feel 'dirty'). And I struggled with that, I couldn't relate it to what we were doing in class...how'd you expect me to listen with kids throwing pencils at my head and stuff? Or trying NOT to listen to what the kids behind me were saying about me?

So I was slow, asking my parents to help me a lot and spending time late into the night doing it (so getting lack of sleep as a result), often eventually handing it in incomplete and scruffy. My report cards weren't always great - they were average, but they could and should have been better if I'd been happier at school. The worst class of bullies was history class and lo and behold I ended up with an F for my GCSE, although I found most of the content rather interesting.

It went on for years (my parents wouldn't let me change schools, I used to blame them, but I'm not blaming them anymore, sometimes it's better to agree to disagree and life is too short to hold a grudge against loved ones, they thought at the time they were doing what was right ). The idea that I had the option of killing myself was the only thing that got me through it. I hurt myself just a little, never actually fully fledged self harm bit biting myself and banging my head against the wall was sufficient. Well it ended after year 11 - the bullying that is - as people grew up. But shortly after that I found myself starting to feel unwell. After 6 months of trying to convince my parents that the symptoms were real I got a diagnosis of this condition called Fibromyalgia. The medics still don't know 100% about the causes but there's a high correlation between prolonged stress and getting it. I wouldn't mind about my past if, Fibro didn't still affect me to this very day - and I can't help wondering if there's a connection, if that make sense?

Anyway... all I'm saying is. No one seems to give a crap these days. The regulations at school have gone straight into decline so no wonder kids live in fear of being bullied. But maybe I'm in the wrong. I've only been on this planet since the middle of 1994 so I don't really have a perspective (although if the bullies hadn't of kept distracting me in history class then maybe I would, instead of feeling like I have gaps in my memory and not knowing important historical events that people take for granted, but I digress).

Speaking of young people, Lizard, I am most concerned about another young friend we both know who feels she isn't being taken seriously. She tried to post but it didn't work so she ended up messaging me with it instead.

Do you mind if I message you?

(((hugs)))

xxxx

[fadedlizard in reply to wallflower_fairy]

The really scary thing Faye, is that when you were born in 1994 I had been left school for 3 yrs and was slowly piecing my life back together having suffered yrs of bullying, become bulimic,self harming and school phobic all without a single member of staff picking up on it

Yeh right?!!! No, they chose to ignore it and hope it went away, which as far as I'm concerned made them complicit in everything that happened.

It makes me so angry to know that twenty five yrs on nothing has changed except that the ways the bullies can get at you have increased as have the pressures to fit in.

Anyway rant over.

Yes, please message me (at any time for any reason). I was just thinking about our mutual friend and wondering how she was getting on.

Oh and the good news ~ university was best decision I made

[wallflower_fairy in reply to fadedlizard]

Thanks, I'll reply to you in a message then, I could do with a friend right now, one that I don't have to pretend or hold back on. xx

[Mysteryreader in reply to wallflower_fairy]

It made me feel really sad to hear your story My son was also born the middle of 94 and suffered badly with bullying. He has long ginger hair and doesn't like football . Is into alternative comedy and into scifi and fantasy When he was about 15 he started to self harm . We his parents tried to hide knives etc but he would use anything with a sharp enough blade that would leave a mark especially if it was my or his dad's personal stuff. He also left his blood on it.

He is bright and loves books both fiction and non fiction and wanted to go to uni so set this as his goal and so fortunately did well in school. Although again not as well as should in History.

We talked to school right from him starting but until he started cutting and truanting they took no notice and fobed us off with he's doing ok and he behaves in school. Well he certainly wasn't behaving at home. Once cutting became obvious school asked us to talk to our doctor and he was referred to CHAMHs not sure (Intials right) . From this he was given a scribe for all exam work and school began to take the bullying more seriously. He was also given coping strategies. Gradually things began to improve and he is now in his 2nd year at uni studying genetics and has friends.

I'm posting this to support parents/carers to do something and believe if their child says they are being bullied in school. Pester school until they do something and try wherever possible to keep channels of communication open with your off spring and try not to take it personnally although I know it is very hard when they rant and rave at you. I believe it is our job to keep our children safe in the widest sense of that word. If we cannot be advocates for our children who can hear them when they have no voice and they are not listened to.

Remember Funky Fairy you have a voice and you have a right to use it and to be listened to.

Sending a big hug

MR

[hamble99b]

they were never accepted as having depression or anxiety, in some cases still aren't, until, I'd say, about the mid-seventies.

most uni students up till the late 60's were mainly well off or exceptionally academic [I know, I'm generalising] and "nerves"were hushed up, no-one talked about it.

A relative of mine was extremely school phobic and was sent to a psychiatrist who's introductory patter went something like " your parent is not staying, I'm talking. It's your mother's fear and you are old enough to ignore it.

I'm a doctor. If you carry on being sick and crying I'll take you away from your home and put you in a childrens' home and you'll never see your family again. Your mother has done this to you." - he was 8!

thankfully, more understanding and less ignorance mean more help is gradually becoming available but more needs to be done.

As for support for being bullied - you were told "don't tell tales" by teaching staff and "if someone hits you, hit them back" - now schools have introduced anti-bullying policies, hopefully it will happen less in class - but mobile phones and the internet have opened up horrific opportunities.

What a miserable response - I was hoping to be positive.

[wallflower_fairy in reply to hamble99b]

Hi Sandra,

Bless you. There were some positives. Just seeing you here and that you had responded helped. Personally I think people need to complain more.

It's a very 'British' thing not to complain, but perhaps if everyone did that a little more, a larger number of people will have to listen.

Big (((Hugs)))

xxxx

[wallflower_fairy in reply to hamble99b]

btw ...What happened to your relative? Did he ever settle into school? Is he happier now?

It's awful how the psychiatrist behaved. I'm so sorry he was put through that and you all were as a family. Sometimes I wonder if they - the psychiatrists - are the ones who need treatment themselves. I swear half of them are bl**dy nuts! (if you excuse my French). xx

[hamble99b in reply to wallflower_fairy]

horrifyingly the psychiatrist tried to get the gp to join in!

the gp gave him short shrift, said he knew the family well and how hard the mum had tried. the school were shocked and worked with the family to put several measures in place it eventually worked - but he still felt the psych was right and it was all his mum's fault. when they had an argument he, as an 18yr old, threw it back at her. He did well and ended up with an MSc, so wasn't put off education! He's married, in a good job and two lovely kids.

thanks for asking.

sandra.

[wallflower_fairy in reply to hamble99b]

I'm glad things worked out in the end. The problem is we put a lot of credit into psychiatrists because they are seen in society as being wise and knowledgeable (even though that's not always the case, they get it wrong and, in extreme cases, abuse their power) ...so it's understandable that he may have thought that to an extent.

I'm really pleased he's doing well for himself now. I'm totally frazzled so I'm going to say good night. I'll message you when I can. No problem I'm glad I did. A positive answer which brightened up this post.

(I hope I'm the next 'success story' haha already got into uni (even though it's tough) so that's a start.)

Warm (((hugs)))

wanderingwallflower xx

[Hidden]

I was bullied a bit at school though only verbally because I was the tallest girl in school and no one would have wanted to take me on physically. But I was a depressed child. Only in those days (I was born in 1954) children were meant to be seen and not heard. This was never picked up by my family or my school. As a consequence I did poorly at school (even though I am bright enough). I can remember little of my childhood except an overwhelming feeling of sadness and lonliness. I felt unwanted and ignored - or just shouted at by everyone. I thought life was just a very grim business which you had to get through though no one ever said why. There were a few good times but they were muted by the fog I lived in. I left school at 15 with no qualifications and no hope. I think that mental health problems amongst youngsters is much more recognised today than in the past which has to be a good thing.

Bev x

[hamble99b in reply to Hidden]

how awful for you bev, but we didn't really know life could be different then did we? we didn't have any "balanced" views in books or in films and tv - only the "golly gosh orf to boarding school" or on adventures books [which I loved]

if you fell behind they just assumed you weren't clever enough - there wasn't "child-centred" learning, or training to pass tests. we weren't taught with a view to going to uni - normal families couldn't afford it.

I think that the fact that you stuck at it through all that until you were 15, says a lot about you. the lack of qualifications doesn't define you - or reflect who you really are, or where even then.

you are right, better recognition of mental health problems is a good thing.

[Hidden in reply to hamble99b]

Thank you sandra. I had to stick it until 15 then left school then. You weren't allowed to rebel in those days. I did try to talk to my mother a couple of times but she didn't want to know and just shouted at me. When I was 16 I left my job and didn't tell my family. Every day I left the house as though I was going to work. They then found out and there was a huge row culminating with me going out in the garden with a knife and cutting my arm. All my mother said was - it serves you right. I still have the scar to this day. Sorry Holly didn't mean to hijack your post it just brought up some ancient memories for me.

Bev x

[Hidden]

I think if any child has problems the sooner they catch it the better. I still think schools could do a lot more to help children who are bullied. I also worry about these social sites children go on and get abuse. I think life is a lot more complicated for them in some respects

[Hidden]

To All,

The wonders of education and history at work.

Some of you who have read my post's over time, may have thought 'ang on a second he comes from London.

However my parents through business moved and for some strange reason I ended up it living in a south Hertfordshire enclave completely out of my comfort zone. The prize at the end of this rainbow a school chartered by Queen Elizabeth the First, did I want to go there? No! I would have rather had my education in the markets, auctions and other bit's and pieces my dad and uncles were into at the time. Up until the age of 10, I could stand up to bullying, it was called fighting. The weak looked on me to support them and I was only to happy to do it. (Ring any Bells).

Then one day a Lancastrian Teacher accused me of lazy speech. I had a glottal stop! Can someone please explain? After many years of being always selected to be in the school play, in an important part, I was relegated to a bench warmer. Oh this wonderful teacher and I suddenly were at war. Do those of us old enough, remember standing in front of a class to recite your tables and a gold star for the one who could do the most. Yeah well I could only manage to get to 3x10= Firty.

I tried on numerous occasions to explain that there 'were firty fousand feathers on a frushes coat' but all to no avail. Words and phrases I had been brought up with were suddenly taboo. Confusion plus deaths and other things going on left me in the state I'm in today.

I have read many of the posts over the last 4 days, and I was in the middle of a post with Why Why when she decided to call it a day. However what has really niggled me is Cherrytrees posts today. Sorry please explain to me and others the need through your cold extremities to be so spiteful?

Shalom

1b4bed

PS. Donnver another drink from me for the 'Cat'astrophie' Had I been involved the patio may have been dug up.