Worrying, scary, intrusive thoughts.

[Beevee]

Worrying, racing thoughts are a symptom of anxiety that can upset people the most. They do not understand how they can have these thoughts that seem so scary and come with such physical force. They fear those thoughts are true which may be about things that mean something to them or a small insecurity and can come uninvited. Trying to control these thoughts just makes it worse and sufferers feel bewildered by it all and may even think they are losing the plot.

However,the reason sufferers have these worrying, disturbing thoughts Is because they are a symptom of anxiety. These thoughts stick around because you spend all your time trying to figure it all out, searching for the elusive answer to end the suffering and it becomes habit. Basically, you are trying to fix those anxious thoughts with an anxious , tired mind that desperately needs a break but because your mind is tired and lost its resilience, those thoughts just keep coming and tricks the sufferer into believing they must be true.

These thoughts feel horrible because you have anxiety which acts as a booster rocket magnifying them considerably, attaching a false importance to them. In other words, a little problem becomes a huge unavoidable problem that you feel obliged to sort out in your head but because your mind has lost its resilience to fend them off, you find it impossible to think around the problem, only the problem itself.

Anxiety is adrenalin that needs an outlet and this includes manifesting itself into scary, irrational, strange thoughts. They are not important and just anxiety bluffing you with its tricks of the mind. In simple terms (and the way it was explained to me) we have anxious, scary thoughts because we have anxiety.

The following are some examples of scary thoughts which are often referred to as the ‘what ifs’! Some of these may be familiar to readers!

What if no one can cure me?

What if it’s not anxiety, but a different mental problem?

What if my old self is lost forever?

What if there is something else wrong with me, brain tumour etc?

What if I lose control?

What if I can't breathe?

What if I have to live like this for the rest of my life?

What if this feeling never goes away?

What if it’s just me that feels like this?

What if I'll never be able to enjoy the things I used to?

What if I have an attack and pass out?

In order to recover, sufferers need to understand that anxiety is the cause, not the effect and the reason why many people fall into the trap. In a state of anxiety, it is very easy to become fearful of anything such as your health (every twinge, funny sensation etc is life threatening and no amount of professional reassurance will convince them otherwise) relationships, open spaces (agoraphobia) or develop OCD to appease the symptoms.

All of these thoughts are caused by an overly anxious mind. To recover, let the thoughts go, don’t try to resist them, or push them away or react to them. They are simply not real, no matter how loud they may scream their importance. If you give those thoughts the space to have their say, without challenge, they will lose their significance and melt away.

It is not the thoughts that cause the problem, it is the how you react to them that causes the problems. Let yourself think anything, let them come but don't shrink away from them. They are only thoughts, grossly exaggerated by the anxiety and completely harmless? They won’t be around when you recover, so dont give them any respect.

Fighting thoughts and trying to rid yourself of them is the wrong approach and a battle you cannot win under the circumstances. Don't think you are going mad or try and fight or change the way you think. Just change your reaction towards them.

Beevee

[Hidden]

Couldn't agree more, absolutely spot on, its not easy by any means but its not impossible either, once that acceptance starts to kick in your heading in the right direction

[Ty2020]

It's so hard. I jump from one thing to the next (health anxiety) first it was MS, then a brain tumor, then colon cancer, then stomach cancer and now the new one: Lymphoma. This has been my life for the past year. I am so very tired of putting myself through this. I am so tired of losing the mental battle and going to the internet to self diagnose, only to determine it is ALWAYS going to be the worse case scenario. I feel like a loser, a chump. A quiter on life. Like I have no faith that good things can happen and it doesn't always have to be something horrible. Funny things is, it's usually nothing (of course). So right now I have a mild cold, and I swear my neck glands are a little swollen. I'm sure it's just because of the cold, but why does my mind jump to this horrible place, telling me all of the glands in my body are swollen and that it must be cancer? Just... why??

[Beevee in reply to Ty2020]

Hi Ty2020. The simple answer to your question is memory and habit. You constantly monitor yourself for any changes to your health and your thought patterns have got stuck in a rut because you are mentally exhausted by it all and your response to that thought has become automated.

A person without anxiety would simply accept they have a cold and not worry too much about the symptoms and carry on with their day. A person with anxiety will, by default, have anxious thoughts about the same thing but they need to adopt the same attitude as the person with a healthy mind, so to speak and let it go. You have got yourself into a self perpetuating anxiety cycle which needs to be broken and the above post explains what you need to do.

If I may give you an example. For some time, I was convinced that my job was a major source of anxiety. It actually started off with health anxiety but then turned its attention to home life and work. In hindsight, this just goes to show how shallow anxiety is 😂😂

I would wake in the morning and be flooded with negative thoughts and feelings without even having to think about them. I had been grossly misled by anxiety into thinking my job and life were the problem. However, I knew deep down how obsurd this was and carried on going to work every day, full of fear and tension. Little things that ordinarily wouldn't bother me were able to stop me in my tracks. Gradually, I saw through the lies which made acceptance of the symptoms so much easier although they did continue to linger for some time afterwards. This was because of the memory of previous suffering that I had mistakenly associated with my work place and had become habit. I had the same situation about home and my wife but again, I suspected it was all bullsh*t and carried on doing normal things, regardless of how I felt (crap for most of the time 😖)

The good thing is, habits can be reversed and memories fade so time is the great healer. There is no special technique or skills required and recovery is not reserved for super humans. Anyone can recover, they just need to know how and the exact opposite to what a lot of people are doing (fighting) and the main reason it hangs around. People who say you “Must fight it” or “Don’t let it get the better of you” are talking complete nonsense, mainly because they don’t understand. You literally don’t need to do anything apart from change the way you react to those thoughts and feelings by learning not to give them any attention. By constantly trying to fix yourself, you are reinforcing the messages being sent to your brain that the thought or feeling poses a threat so your body is pumped full of adrenalin in preparation to flee or fight. Over a sustained period, your nerves will become sensitised and the offshoot of this is anxiety. However, with a little perseverance (you may not think it now but you have untapped strength within to do it - we all have) your brain will eventually get the right message and stop treating those thoughts as a threat and your nervous system which secretes all those fight or flight hormones will calm itself down over a period of time. It takes time for new neural pathways in the brain to develop (caused by the change in your attitude/beliefs) and those thoughts will lose their power and bother you less and less until they no longer matter. You don’t have to do anything. Your mind and body will sort itself out and the old you will surface from beneath all those symptoms but it is important that you don't listen to the anxiety and carry on living your life. Doing normal things brings back normality.

Even when you are fully accepting, keep practising because your nerves will remain sensitised for a while and some or all the symptoms will persist for a while (memory & habit at work) or come back with force (setbacks are part of the recovery process – you can learn more during a setback than in times of peace) but these too will gradually fade away. This may seem such a big ask in your current mental state but believe me when I say that practicing acceptance will eventually bring relief, your confidence will return and it will get easier.

Towards the end of my recovery process (and it is a process that you need to go through – avoiding it or trying to hurry things along just doesn’t cut the mustard), I actually wanted to feel the anxiety just so I could tell it to f***off! I still felt uncomfortable but the symptoms were more of a nuisance than anything else. I had called anxiety's bluff and removed the fear that was propelling those thoughts and feelings into orbit so they just didn’t bother me anymore. I may still have those thoughts but without the anxiety, they simply don't register on my conscience. Through recovery, there was the added bonus that through all of this, I now feel so much better equipped to deal with stressful situations and no longer sweat over the small stuff.

[pamb67 in reply to Beevee]

its great what you wrote be a therpist coz u would be so good☺

[Ty2020 in reply to Beevee]

Wow Beevee, I feel like I owe you a fee for sharing your knowledge... Thank you so, so much. I am going to start slow with just learning to not fight my thoughts, but just accept and allow my mind to move on to a new, uplifting thought, and just try to go from there. You are right about this being a cycle - I just want off this wild anxiety ride.

[Hidden in reply to Beevee]

I have anxiety and depression for 3 years. I know what your saying but I can't stop being afraid of the anxiety so I'll never get better. Soon as I feel it I get scared and crying even though I know what anxiety is. I can't just let it go. I want to be happy. Tell me what to do.

[Beevee in reply to Hidden]

Hi puppy11

The answers lie within all of my posts. Please read them, several times if need be. You have to learn not to react to those anxious thoughts and feelings and live your life, taking the anxiety with you. There is no magic pill or instant cure. You need to face up to your fears, not run away from them, you need to accept those fears, not fight them, not push them away, not control them. Don't do anything about it. Seriously. Do not do anything about those thoughts and feelings. Be an observer to those thoughts and feelings like you are listening to someone else conversation on the bus. Float past those thoughts and feelings. This means learning to be comfortable about not feeling comfortable. Finally, let time pass. Time is the healer. Let more time pass until you recover which you will if you understand. Acceptance is the key. Accept all the thoughts and feelings willingly. They may hurt you, the may scare you half to death but they cannot harm you. It is a natural function of the human body which has just got a bit trigger happy because you spend all your time worrying about it or fighting etc etc. Give up the fight and this will give your mind and body the space it needs to recover. People stay in the cycle because they keep interfering with the recovery process. It's the same as having a broken arm except an anxiety sufferer keeps prodding it, forcing it t get better, worrying it to get better straight away. Do you think this helps mend a broken arm? No. It mends itself. It might be a bit sore and uncomfortable but do you worry about it? No, all you have to do is rest it and it fixes itself. The same will happen to your mind and body, if you give it the chance it is crying out for.

Best wishes

Beevee

[sergg408111 in reply to Beevee]

how do you accept the thoughts ? I am having a hard time dealing with this and the scenarios my head makes are so scary! I am always in a state of fear. I have begun meditation and still carry on with my life however all those scary what if thoughts just get me.

[Pat9]

Thanks Beevee a very helpful post again, you are so kind to post these I am sure you help many with them xx

[Beevee in reply to Pat9]

Thanks Pat9 ❤️

[pamb67]

beevee thku for what u write ciz its really helpful i suffer with these intrusive thoughts that repulse me and i feel tormented and wonder will i ever get over my problems and just live a normal life i suffered a rape when i was 15he was my first bf and he hurt me and my childhood was filled with abuse not sexualy but mental and emotional and i watched my mum and brothervand sister bein beat by my dad i was the youngist of 4kids my brother i adored who became an alcoholic and died 6yrs ago my sister and my mum are alcohoics i dnt drink i just eat too many sweet thgs but im im trying to get fitter anyways im sorry for droping this on u but ur so aware and intelligent u could be a counciler coz u no what ur talking abt everthg u said was spot on.anyway i have a daugjter whis 15my mum is nice to her but i get the cold shoulder i feel shes usin my child to hurt me and it cuts lke a knife pam😊

[C-K-J]

Hi Beevee! You're post really make me happy to read! I do have a question, I don't really get a high heart rate anymore , if anything .. it's low. I don't get palpitations anymore either .. like the basic symptoms of anxiety that i used to get daily. I'm still an anxious person who worries about every pain and twinge , but I don't manifest those symptoms anymore somehow . Now I dwell a lot on feeling dizzy, ringing in my ears that I hear when it's quiet, but I dwell on it and make myself hear it if I focus on it usually , random shooting pains I get under my ribs and in my scalp.. vision doesn't feel right ,( but just went to the eye doctor and everything looked good he said )So basically my question is , are these symptoms normal even though my body is not necessarily in "fight or flight mode" I would guess because my adrenals aren't making my heart rate rocket up and all the other basic symptoms I used to experience and people complain of.. If you know!

[Beevee in reply to C-K-J]

Hi Charityjones.

Reading your post, it seems to me that your symptoms are all anxiety related. If everyone wrote them down, the list would be as long as my arm but recognise many of those you have listed. Certainly had the blurred vision, aching jaw, bowel trouble. All stress/anxiety related. It may be that you are already on the road to recovery but your nerves are still vibrating like a tuning fork. That tuning fork should not be vibrating so violently!

I learnt to package all my symptoms in one box called anxiety. The trick is to learn to live with them and not listen in for them. If they come, let them come. Tell yourself "so what!" and focus on your day instead. Take the anxiety with you and as I've said in lots of previous posts, learn to be ok about not feeling ok. Treat it like a common cold. You know what it is, it's harmless enough but does make you feel lousy but you don't dwell on it too much and carry on with your day. Time and rest usually sorts it out. Anxiety should be treated in exactly the same way.

If you understand that it is all anxiety which is harmless, you are definitely on the road to recovery. Acceptance and the passing of time will do the rest.

Best wishes

Beevee

[C-K-J in reply to Beevee]

Yes I think I am sometimes on the way to recovery! But don't wanna say that with confidence and jinx myself 😂 I definietly have gotten better about handling my symptoms... but I do admit I still get worried over them, just not as severe as I used too. Thank you for your response! Makes a lot of sense, you sounds like you've been through it all! I'll try my best to do all that (:

[Beevee in reply to C-K-J]

You are not allowed to try. It's against the law! Be completely passive towards the symptoms.

Probably a bad analogy but it might be a bit like water skiing! If you pull on the rope, you fall in. If you let the rope pull you, you fall in. Neither pull or be pulled and you remain upright, skimming across the waves of life! ☺️

[Beevee]

Thank you Pamb. I'm really sorry to read about your situation. Not sure I could be a therapist but want to help sufferers as much as I can.

The only advice I can give is to try and develop a different view point to the things that have happened in your life which may require professional help. My posts will certainly take the edge of the symptoms of anxiety if you follow the advice. I realise how awful those thoughts can be but they are exaggerated tenfold by your anxiety which makes it really hard to ignore them. However, if you keep practising acceptance and learn not to resist and get drawn in by those thoughts, they will go. Practising acceptance will take the importance away from those thoughts and in time, will no longer matter to you.

I truly hope you find peace in your life. You certainly deserve it.

Love and best wishes

Beevee ❤️

[Hidden]

I have anxiety and depression. I can't stop fighting the thoughts or feelings. I don't like the feeling in my stomach. The thoughts just keep going how do you stop paying attention to them. I can't. And this scares me a lot

[Presley45]

Hi beevee

Your posts are brilliant but I do suffer with letting the feeling be there

I am in Spain at the moment staying wuth friends

I'm so scared that I start gagging in front if them When we go out to eat I feel sick and start to panic

How do you just sit there when you with people and just accept

I know I keep asking the same questions but struggling

[Beevee in reply to Presley45]

Hi Presley45

Acceptance taught by Dr Claire Weekes is about moving forward and doing the things you dread with total acceptance of whatever nervous symptoms, sensations or experiences that may come your way while doing them. Let yourself be scared, let yourself gag and do not withdraw in apprehension from it. Let it come and do its worst and face the ultimate. By doing this, you are automatically letting go in your attitude which brings some relaxation that reduces the adrenalin and so eventually lessens panic. However, you do not get relaxation unless you truly let go. Go slowly and see the panic through. Try and relax to the best of your ability and react freely to all the feelings which means not attempting to stop or control the thoughts or panic and see the feelings through to the other side of panic. It is hard but it is the only permanent cure. It takes time so do not despair if you think you aren't making progress. If you aren't making progress my guess is that you are not fully allowing it all to come and do its worst without putting up any form of resistance. Don't be afraid to fail, just keep practising and the feelings of panic will gradually fade away.

Now, go and grab yourself a nice glass of sangria and tuck into a paella! I love paella ❤️

[Presley45 in reply to Beevee]

Thank you beevee so much

The thing that scares me is I can think I'm going to gag and it's just a thought j know but I physically feel it like I induce it

Thoughts feel very real X

[Hidden]

I can't stop being scared of the thoughts and the anxiety. I'm on medication. How can I et help?

[Maggie-cassidy1988]

Hi beevee a cant seem to shift the thougths tham am going to die our iam dying a get scared to sleep cause off it then when a do fet to sleep its time to get up then a panic again because a go over it all next day i also feel soaced out as if my bodys not conected to me everything looks ad thought its not real but it is also get panic about going out but then a do as a said cant let this beat me but its hard with 3 kids doctors whant give me medication due to them not eorking and have young kids so am back to doctors to morrow again any one siffer from like cramp and indijestion to and also a dont fell hungry anymore

[Beevee in reply to Maggie-cassidy1988]

Hi Maggie

I fully understand what you are going through and wish there was a magic pill that would make it all go away but sadly, there isn't.

Recovery is not about trying to do something about the anxiety such as trying to shift the thoughts or worrying about a new symptom such as being spaced out (common symptom and just your brain trying to protect you from the further worry and stress you are adding to the mix).

It is about doing nothing about them and relaxing as much as you can under the circumstances and letting all the thoughts and feelings have their say. If you try to do anything to rid yourself of the thoughts and feelings, you are telling your brain that they are a threat so it keeps you feeling anxious, keeps your nerves sensitised, the symptoms of which are currently scaring you. It is a vicious circle of fear-adrenalin-fear which can be broken if you let it all happen without putting up any resistance to the symptoms.

By all means speak to your doctor and see if there is anything available to take the edge of the symptoms but make sure you practice acceptance as this is the key to recovery. Acceptance is not a doing thing, it is about you learning to be comfortable about feeling very uncomfortable which will eventually bring you peace. If you can't sleep, so what? You feel Kranky the next day but don't fret about it. You will sleep when your body says so. Don't force it, don't try to force anything and just let it be. This is how it will be for a while so just loosen the shoulders and face it all with as little tension and resistance as possible. If you do not resist, you are sending messages to your brain that the thoughts and feelings are not a threat, giving the chance for your nerves to get the rest they need. With continued acceptance, your nerves will eventually settle down and the anxiety and symptoms will fade away.

Do not fight the thoughts because it is only the anxiety talking, not you. They are not important and won't be there when you recover so stop wasting energy trying to figure them all out or running away from them because all this does is add more stress which keeps the anxiety going.

I hope the above makes sense to you.

Best wishes

Beevee

[Maggie-cassidy1988 in reply to Beevee]

Thanks a understand watt u meen ma thoughts are a think am going to die is that normal for ppl with anxity

[Beevee in reply to Maggie-cassidy1988]

Yes, very normal with anxiety. You have anxious thoughts because you have anxiety!!

It is just the anxiety making them feel real, making you feel that you need to do something about them. The more attention and respect you give to those thoughts, the more intense they will feel and will just hang around longer because you are going to war with yourself so you just go round in circles.

By all means acknowledge the thoughts, say hello to them but do not engage with them and just leave them be. Watch them come then watch them go.

Imagine being in a one sided conversation with another person and they are chattering away about complete rubbish. If you don't answer back, they will get bored and go away. Do the same with those thoughts. As I said in my last post, they will not be there when you recover so don't give them any respect whatsoever.

If you read other posts, all have one thing in common. They fear a thought, they fear a feeling, even the fear of fear itself. Fear is the culprit... fear of something that only exists because the sufferer is tricked by the anxiety into giving the thought or feeling the attention it needs to survive. If you pay no attention, it will disappear.

Now, carry on with your day and do the things you would have done before you became anxious. You will feel lousy but let yourself feel lousy. Put it all down to anxiety and live your life. The old you will gradually return as you start to care less and less about the thoughts and feelings. The less you care, the better you will become.

[Maggie-cassidy1988 in reply to Beevee]

Thank u very mutch means a lot for u to take time to reply back

[GrennCl0ud]

It was really interesting to read. Thank you Beevee. I am scared to death of flying. I always have thoughts that something bad will happen.Your post encourage me. I have a flight to Berlin next month, have just booked tickets on lowcost.club/ , need to visit my grandma. I am still terrified of this trip but I will follow your advice and will try hard to change my reaction to this situation. Wish me luck.

[Beevee]

Hi Grenncl0ud

When preparing to fly, don't try to stop the feelings coming or try to control them. If anything, relax yourself and go towards those feelings as much as you can and let it all happen. The body's default setting is relaxation and will always revert to that setting if you let it and don't fight any of it.

As far as flying is concerned, it is still far and away the safest form of travel. You are more at risk when crossing a road or taking a trip to the shops in your car. The more you fly, the more your brain will understand that there is no threat and your mind and body will calm itself down.

You will be fine.

Regards

Beevee

[GrennCl0ud in reply to Beevee]

thank you one more time! I will try to control my thoughts

[Mama843]

New here and just read this and wow it was powerful..out of the blue I started having anxiety attacks aND a week later the Intrusive thoughts that are aimed towards myself and my children...I don't act on the thoughts but sometimes they are hard and I can't be around my kids till it passes...I been on zoloft for 2 weeks now...anxiety has helped some but the thoughts seem to be getting worse

[Shelley24 in reply to Mama843]

Me too!

[Cherbear811]

You just described me perfectly