Grrr one of those days x :/

Morning all x Well today my anchor is down braced as its one of those days x

I had my cbt session yesterday but fail to see what is actually therapy about it, the woman talks and talks for the hour and stirs up stuff in my head and makes me think which is good I suppose in some ways x but then she goes and i'm left thinking help!! im drowning in the stuff she stirs x I have been shown no ways of coping with panic or stress and she certainly isn't helping with the ha x today in my head i've had numerous blips which could lead to worst case scenario x She isn't coming back for 2 weeks and Im expected to make a miraculous recovery to go on holiday for a week in only 15 days or stay home alone x Im not staying home alone so where do I go??

My hubby avoids me to some degree as he is helpless as to what to do for the best, so today i tried to talk to him, a few tears where present granted x I told him all i feared and what I felt my life direction was and his response shocked me x he got up and said i was basically blaming him and it was his fault I was like I am x I never said that I told him I wanted some company Im sick of being alone I have no friends and Im home alone most of the day x He goes to bed 4 hours before me and so even on a night im on my own x he got up and went out said he was going to get me some help as he was stuck x So again im on my own. grrrrr anger has taken over I just wish people would listen!!!!! Rant over Donver xx

[Hidden]

Hi donver

I will get dressed after this !

Well it seems every time that women comes you go down

Maybe its because she is making you think & stirring up things we would rather leave buried because its painful & frightening

Keep going with her & see at the end of it how you feel

I suppose when it comes to the holiday its a tricky one

I would be in the same position , full of fear of going

But like you say , whats the alternative , to be stuck at home on your own

Its 15 days away , maybe take this a day at a time , telling yourself the choice is still mine right to the last minute , because it is , that helps me feel in control & not under pressure & then I can surprise myself how I cope

I think you could do this

Will you be able to get on here while you are away , we could help support you & enjoy your holiday with you & it might help to no you are not on your own , we will still be there

Now hubby

You may not like me here , but I have to talk from my own experience & sorry in advance if this isnt your situation

You seem to have a good one there in so many ways , just like me

I even though I am aiming to get to bed earlier , go late

My hubby cant stop up , till that time he is tired , I am the one thats not & to be honest I accept he cant & I no when he goes to bed he is tired , he doesnt have anxiety , so I cant expect him to stop up & keep me company

Your hubby has to health problems as well , maybe that makes him want to sleep

As for understanding us about our anxiety , I do think about this & realize , how on earth could they , as we dont understand half the time & we are living & feeling this , so for someone that isnt , its impossible !

But what I do look is what they do for us

Now like mine , I have heard you say he does all the going out for you

Mine makes me cups of tea , coffee , washers pots , infact its a joke if I wash one , he will say quick let me write this on the calender she is washing a pot

He helps with all the cleaning , does the garden , cleans my windows , is faithful & loyal

The list goes on , so what I am trying to say is sometimes I can feel angry thinking you dont understand , but then when I make a list of all he does & the fact that 21 years later he is sat here still listening to me , I think well I am lucky !

So I focus on his positives about him & not he doesnt have a clue where I am coming from as thats the one thing if I didnt suffer myself , I doubt I would have a clue & I am not sure I would have stuck it out & done so much for someone like he has

Anyway going on a bit here & the shower is calling me

Hope you feel better later

Love

whywhy

xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi whywhy x I think this woman does push me as she feels she is close to the breaking point, there is something in my head that feels its time to come out and its stuck but I know it sounds strange its like once its out the pressure will go x I need to stick it out as I need to get better x

I am going to take your advice with the one day at a time on the holiday front x I think its the fear of the unknown there but how can I know if i don't try x

Ohh and the hubby x he is all you say yours is, he does everything for me and will do anything for me. I can honestly see where you come from here x I am so lucky and the pros defo outweigh the cons here x He needs to go to bed earlier I know this x and I am being a bit selfish expecting him to stay and keep me company x I can be doing other things, or even try going to bed earlier myself x And I get what you mean in the understanding wow if im this confused he must be completely puzzled lol xxx

Thank you and enjoy your shower x Donver x

[Hidden]

Hi and ty Anxious x I have obviously got something going on up there x buggered if I know what x she says it all comes down to me not liking me. Built up anger and frustration as no one listened so instead of erupting like a volcano i imploded .

My hubby is brill and im a lucky woman to have found him x

We are only going down to weymouth caravan park so not far x Well far for me from north east lol x Im gonna take that one day at a time x

I do miss my friends x But I suppose I still have my best friend i my hubby x

ty xx Donna x

[Mysteryreader]

I thought part of CBT was to give you strategies for coping but am I thinking of something else. I could well have got my wires crossed I often do.

Re holiday it is small steps and would it be helpful to take some things with you to make it less stressful. Could you take somethings with you to share with your family e.g a dvd you all enjoy or a pack or cards. The sea air can be very refreshing through an open window or caravan door.

Other half they put up with us warts and all and that makes us very lucky.

Good luck

xxx

[Hidden in reply to Mysteryreader]

Ty mystery x yes you are right cbt is all about strategy x But my therapist seems to think if she can build my self esteem and so on i wont need to rely solely on strategy x

Me n the hubby are going to have a debate on the holiday it seems x we will discuss coping and what not x even discussing reducing the days if need be x We will get there x

Men ey x they are some good ones x

[Hidden]

Hi Donver,

I saw you mention about coping strategies..

I would highly recommend a practise called 3 step breathing space....

You should be able to get it free online... I can't believe it but when I am having a really bad time it just seems to centre me, I am hoping it can help you to x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

hI fedup x ty I will have a look x