A BLOG TO HELP

[stde]

I read your problems and anxieties and it takes me back to when things were bad......really really...hospitalised...suicidal ...bad......

And all the anxieties I lived with ,I,m not proud to say some much worse than i,ve read.....the aches ,pains, and depression...the despair...i,m not scared of going to hell i,ve already lived there.........I could never explain how bad I felt off and on for a very long time....

Do I want a medal? Nooooo...ha ha..

I,m merely telling you no matter how bad you are..if I can get well....trust me...so can you!!

LIFE EVENTS.......in one week

I would never dream of sharing this ,but then I thought it might help someone...that is the only reason!!! I know that you all care so you don,t have to post....just understand..x

I,ve had cancer this year, (no income of course you don,t get DLA with cancer????).... got all clear August, mother got cancer in June....... Dad couldn,t cope.., stayed with dad (only round corner) he took temp breakdown with news...would not want to be alone...up at night....emergency doctors..CPN,s...tranquilisers....he had.hard times accepting circumstances....I stayed constantly with him and handled it because it is just another LIFE EVENT

Brought mum home to die...FOUR MONTHS AGO...strong old bugger...so cont,d to stay (good understanding wife and family) won,t go into daily routine.........

Carers every day ,lift and lay now on constant oxygen...sleep in single bed beside her now for 4 months......before she goes to sleep she,ll say love you son....never know if she will be there in morning..take her in wheelchair to toilet in wheelchair but have to buzz carer to take her from there...But I can handle this today because it is just another unavoidable LIFE EVENT.

I am getting some symptoms again so go for maintenance chemo tommorow, hope it is ok, but if it is not i.ll handle it because it will be yet another LIFE EVENT.

Have to remember to call doctor mum got chest infection..difficulty breathing...anything like this can be lethal......another unavoidable LIFE EVENT

Coming home at one, maybe tired but getting central heating fitted Tues, so have to rip up flooring and carpets and dismantle kitchen for men coming on Tuesday morning, but thats ok.....it is just something else that fits into the LIFE EVENT category. and i,ll handle it!!!

..

Hope everything goes well onTuesday.at house because i,ll be in hospital getting more treatment, probably knock the stuffing out of me but hope mums ok and still there when i get back, if she,s not it will be sad but another of LIVES EVENTS that i cannot control.

Probably knackered but have to put house and flooring back together on Wednesday and remember that I have appointment with physciatrist at 10 am....hope i have enough time to tend to mum and get house back together.

Thursday............................................said enough...but it will probably be full of LIFE EVENTS THAT I WILL HANDLE..........

So why post this......I am well today because i changed my thinking and in doing so understood that I cannot control life I just have to go with it......and if I cry because i have no shoes i always must remember there are people with no feet!!!!!

Life will go on do not try to control, it will never be perfect, we will never be perfect, peoples opinions do not matter.....what matters is that you read this and say if this wreck of a person can get well and do this then so can I......and you can

[Hidden]

This made me cry so much xx i can totally relate to most my son was found to have a condition at 3 year old that meant he wuld die young but it was cureable with a bone marrow (not cancer) he went through it all and lived but it was stressful after this my other son was found to be type one diabetic and he nearly died on top of this my nana n granda who wherew like my mam n dad due to very bad upbringing died within a year of each other then my husband found he had rheumatiod arthitus things seen to go from bad t worse x but then now im suffering from really bad anexity and cannot leave the house and i come here and read this and i cry not as i say because i can relate as much but because it made e see it as you think when i thought it was all me the bringer of badness i can see its not my fault and i cannot control these things but i can change them by tryin to get better xx thank you xx hope things work out for you xx

[stde in reply to Hidden]

Glad when I read this, so much I could say but not enough gigabytes.....

We are good at beating ourselves up.....and yet why?... when you do your best.

I firmly believe to become truly well we have to see all situations that trouble us, through different eyes.........we feel sometimes that we are responsible for everything and we have the world on our shoulders...... I did,then an old friend said to me "your not that important" I felt hurt (for a second..lol) then realised what he meant.."Life will go on without us so why burden ourselves as if we are one of lifes hingepins"

......Smile, your special...x

[stde]

They will work out, because Life taught me the hard way, that to survive and be reasonably happy i did not have a choice, like most of my friends on here, to be well I had to change the way I thought......

You cannot control life, those who try are the ones that suffer.....

I do wish you peace...........

PS I haven,t told you the rest of this years events...thank goodness says you......lol

keep reading and posting...hope we speak soon.......And may your God carry you when you have times when your legs are weary...have a good nights sleep and Let Go because most of life is out with our control just go for the ride....xx

[leehow79]

Thank u so much 4 sharin wot u hav + r goin through. U r so strong, but do we i hav a chioce. I know wot u mean bcause ive bin through so much trauma in lifes events i wonder how im still ere. Ive bin through so much i couldnt begin 2 explain. But it is good 2 ere that som1 as got real difficulties like me. theres a huge difference in levels of mental illnesses + i hav bin brought up wiv my mum in + out of hospital havin break dwns couldnt get out of bed, function or even speak + im followin her foot steps, hav had a break dwn my self as well as pre natal phycosis. my anxiety is sendin me round the bend realy feel like im gonna crack up again, my mind doesnt feel my own. But 1nce again im so sorry 4 wot u r goin through but at same time am glad u wrote in 2 tell us.**

[stde]

Good morning leehow---I simply wrote this to give you hope than you can get well.......I feel great compassion for how your life is at the moment...but you can get better a day at a time.....and if you don,t reach a hundred percent and only feel 75% thats good too........I remember praying and asking my god to give me ------10 MINUTES A DAY.??????????just to feel ok.

Then the doctors ask "any mental illness in your family" ........and immediately we say oh my god we are stuck with this.......

You are not your mum, the problem may be what you have seen and heard (learned from her) .....and yes i liked your comment about the huge difference in the levels of mental illness......because no matter how we are, we probably always think we are uncurable (another little trick of anxiety...ha ha)...

I,m not looking any kind of praise because this could all change tommorow and instead of trying to help....I may be crying out for help.......

But guess what......it will just be another life event......i,ll handle it.....ha ha.....xxxxxxxx

[ellabella]

Hey Stde, Thank you for sharing this with us all. Life is bloody hard isn't it??????? and the way you are coping is more than commendable. I'm sure your Parents and Family find you to be a rock to them. You actually have the time to come on here and be our rock as well!!!!I still have the 10 minute a day sometimes but get through with the grace of God. Keep going my friend Love and Hugs x Ella x

[Hidden]

Hi stde

How strong are u,I am nearly crying, me worrying/panicking about my teeth while u are going through this makes me think how silly I am..u r an inspiration to all x

[stde in reply to Hidden]

Read your posts, and yes your "teeth" is just something your anxiety has chosen to "pick on".........although I know it is not easy to change your thinking.........

look at things different........at least yours are your own.....he he...xx

[Hidden]

Hi stde

I read your post several times , as that is how many times it took me to take it all in !

First reaction ... was deep sadness followed by " how can I complain now about my things when some one is going through all that ! )

Thats when I read it again & again & then I found the answers it was giving me

That is you have given me a goal I want to get to with all this !!! you have set that goal for me by sharing your story , so a BIG Thank You !

You are such a good example what can be acheived !

Love whywhy xxx

[stde in reply to Hidden]

So many nice replies, and yet I only shared to try to help......

so much more to say about mental health...it may filter thro, time.....

I give you one other example that made me change, I was asked to list all the people and things that made me angry or resentful....NO PROBLEM......when I was finished my "teacher" said this is not true, non of these things anger you.....I said "what".....he said you ALLOW yourself to become angry...no one makes you...you allow it..........Talk about responsibility for our own emotions.....so now every day i try not to ALLOW myself to get angry...........................ggrrrrrrrr....lol.....xx

[rouri]

don't know what to say STDE you are amazing...lost for words

love and God bless your soul

xx

[stde]

As you say........God is Love and peace.........He also put things in our path and allowed their creation to help us..............

I like you fought this for many years...finally beat........meds helped and gave me breathing space.....don,t waste to much time fighting this alone.......take all the help that God put out there........

Be well...............

P.S. thanks for the comment, i,m not amazing, just didn,t like hell to much..........LOL