Weird day

Hi all, well what a day. I am so trying to get my head round the anxiety but it doz chose it moments to have a go at me. I was woken up abruptly at 6.15a.m after 5 hours sleep!! my mam had rung for my hubby to take her as promised to the next sale. I don't mind if i cannot get the bargains he does for me. So up i drag myself out of my pit where i could to be honest have stayed for the day. funny thing is if i oversleep i become a real life gruffalo lol . I have to deal with 2 kids and by this time my new health anxiety habit of heart probs has kicked in for the day. I had this in the later end of last year so it must visit annually. My 6 year old is happy chilling but my 5 year old (diabetic) is having a grumpy time and being very loud with it. By this point its not even 8 am and my head is banging and i wanna crawl and hide, I'm praying the hubby hurries up as I hate being alone at this moment. By dinner time the kids have calmed down, the husband has been home gone out again and is home again. I'm feeling very drained as if i have had the blood plug pulled. I have moments as if everything has stopped and i'm aware but frozen. Tired is a understatement. My husband is fussing around tidying and making my life easy as he puts it ( he is very good to me) and the oldest the stroppy 13 year old has reared his attitude. Still my anxiety is telling me my heart probs are real and i'm for the chop. I'm trying so hard to ignore it but I cannot. My hubby is going back out but this time for 5 hours and taking the middle child along, so I have 5 stressy hours to whinge and moan and maybe drop for all I know. I phone my mam but she aint bothered she is to busy out shopping. You would think that as she suffered from anxiety for 9 years of the heart attack type she would have sympathy but nope. I cannot ring the hubby he at a footie match :( I ring my friend she is out. I have no one else to phone, dont have many friends nowadays as I dont go out. So i sort out the kids old clothes from there draws. Every now and then the anxiety checks in to make sure he is on my mind. 2 hours into my alone time i'm suffering, the big and little son is playing and don't want to be disturbed by me having a panic. So i ring my friend again, she is home and we natter for a hour. Not long after she calls in for 5 mins to pick up some stuff and we chat . I then find myself something else to do by making the kids tea. Hurray the hubby is home, I have made it and no heart attack, sounds morbid but I cannot control my anxiety. So now we are here 8pm. Nothing really on the tv, kids winding down for the night, i am so so tired and so worried and panicked. I cannot got to bed as i worry of i don't go at the same time i'm breaking routine and ill be, well you know the answer to that one lol x I know the thinking of bad will continue tonight but i'm hoping my brain picks up a new worry soon as any is better than this one xx thats my rant xx Donver xx


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5 Replies

  • I know how u feel every day is like that for me. I now have a headache and feel dizzy starting to worry something is wrong withy head now weird or what. The Herat stuff though I agree is a nightmare Iam like that with my Heart and I have palps too making it worse. But on a plus note today has not been too bad. Hope u find some good tv on soon xxx

  • Hi loopy x no two days are ever the same are they x i mean yesterday I think we both had a crappy day fair do today not so bad in some ways, but wow to think if only we didn't have to worry about silly things like anxiety what the potential for today could of been x Im waiting for keith lemon he is pants at thru the keyhole but he makes me smile which is always good x

  • Yes ur right Hun it's horrible. I can't remember what it was like not to worry. I am watching that too light humour is always good :-) xx

  • This so much sounds like me as regards the heart thing. I have had this anxiety about my heart for years (among other things) I was rushed in with a very rapid heart beat a few years ago and since then every little pain is something to do with my heart. If I am on my own I have to leave the door unlocked in case I need the Paramedics and I wonder round the house for hours because I am so wound up with this awful anxiety I am unable to settle to anything. I HATE this but it is so difficult to make people understand what it is like to have this on a day to day basis.

  • Hi flowerbud x I think of all anxiety i have ever experienced this is the worst x I try and forget it but how can you when your heart beats every second !! My heart anxiety comes and goes as i say last time was a year ago and its visiting again. Ive been told to go mad and wear myself out and this will prove my heart can take it, but my head cannot. My hubby always reminds me that some of the fittest people drop from heart probs and it doesn't mean i will, but again it falls on deaf ears. I jst want to get on with life and not worry but i guess some of us are just born to worry x I fully understand your feelings and you have my sympathy as its really not nice. Thanks for your reply x Donver

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