Hi all, well what a day. I am so trying to get my head round the anxiety but it doz chose it moments to have a go at me. I was woken up abruptly at 6.15a.m after 5 hours sleep!! my mam had rung for my hubby to take her as promised to the next sale. I don't mind if i cannot get the bargains he does for me. So up i drag myself out of my pit where i could to be honest have stayed for the day. funny thing is if i oversleep i become a real life gruffalo lol . I have to deal with 2 kids and by this time my new health anxiety habit of heart probs has kicked in for the day. I had this in the later end of last year so it must visit annually. My 6 year old is happy chilling but my 5 year old (diabetic) is having a grumpy time and being very loud with it. By this point its not even 8 am and my head is banging and i wanna crawl and hide, I'm praying the hubby hurries up as I hate being alone at this moment. By dinner time the kids have calmed down, the husband has been home gone out again and is home again. I'm feeling very drained as if i have had the blood plug pulled. I have moments as if everything has stopped and i'm aware but frozen. Tired is a understatement. My husband is fussing around tidying and making my life easy as he puts it ( he is very good to me) and the oldest the stroppy 13 year old has reared his attitude. Still my anxiety is telling me my heart probs are real and i'm for the chop. I'm trying so hard to ignore it but I cannot. My hubby is going back out but this time for 5 hours and taking the middle child along, so I have 5 stressy hours to whinge and moan and maybe drop for all I know. I phone my mam but she aint bothered she is to busy out shopping. You would think that as she suffered from anxiety for 9 years of the heart attack type she would have sympathy but nope. I cannot ring the hubby he at a footie match I ring my friend she is out. I have no one else to phone, dont have many friends nowadays as I dont go out. So i sort out the kids old clothes from there draws. Every now and then the anxiety checks in to make sure he is on my mind. 2 hours into my alone time i'm suffering, the big and little son is playing and don't want to be disturbed by me having a panic. So i ring my friend again, she is home and we natter for a hour. Not long after she calls in for 5 mins to pick up some stuff and we chat . I then find myself something else to do by making the kids tea. Hurray the hubby is home, I have made it and no heart attack, sounds morbid but I cannot control my anxiety. So now we are here 8pm. Nothing really on the tv, kids winding down for the night, i am so so tired and so worried and panicked. I cannot got to bed as i worry of i don't go at the same time i'm breaking routine and ill be, well you know the answer to that one lol x I know the thinking of bad will continue tonight but i'm hoping my brain picks up a new worry soon as any is better than this one xx thats my rant xx Donver xx
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