Does anyone elses anxiety cause them to destroy any potential relationships before they ve had chance to really begin?

[looking-glass34]

Hi all,

Does anyone else manage to destroy potential relationships?

Feeling so annoyed with myself today and embarrased at the way i ve managed to drive away another man. I did nt go into it last night meaning to have the "big chat", i swore this time i would nt try to seek reassurance to alliviate my anxious feelings and that id try to sort it myself and its all gone wrong. The man in question would it appear to be one of lifes good guys, he could easily strung me along for months but was brutally honest in that he does nt see himself in a relationship with anyone. Although he assures me this is not personal i cant help but feel dreadful today as i feel so disposable to people, im so easily cast aside. I feel as if my mere presence in someones life is annoying to them and that they dont actually like me, im special to no one.

I want someone to love me but im so scared of getting hurt again that i seem to press self destruct everytime. Im questioning today if there is anyone for me and even if there is am i strong enough to handle having someone in my life, the thing i want most is what scares me most if that makes sense,

Does anyone else do this? Please give me some advice, i just want what others have got, i cant face the idea of being alone forever.

Looking Glass xxx

[Hidden]

Hi

This might not be the best answer or the one you want on this one , but its the only one I have through my own experiences

While I was always searching to find that someone to love me , i think I also must have had a sticker on my forehead saying "pick me , you can use me "

It wasnt till I gave up & thought , its ok I can be happy on my own & I am going to learn to have some self worth & I stopped looking & got on with my life , that I then started attracting different men & because I had accepted been single was fine , even though I appreciate its nice to have someone to share your life with , but once I had well the sticker fell of my forehead & you no what i got a good one , even though I wasnt looking , in fact far from it

Hope you can do the same , & one day when that time is right , I am sure that special person will be out there , you just havnt met them as yet

Love

whywhy

xxx

[looking-glass34 in reply to Hidden]

Hi whywhy. thanks for taking the time to answer me,

Its more of a flashing neon sign above my head saying it!

I thought i was happy single, i know im safe when im single. knowing im safe and no one can hurt me makes the anxiety go. I then think im strong enough to try again, cause im happy at that moment im more attractive to people at which point i meet someone the anxiety comes back, people dont want to be around it and i cant blame them, it must exhaust them as it does me. i just cant seem to break the cycle. I ve tried internet dating and just looking at the profiles was too much to cope with. pathetic i know.

The guy in question at this moment wants us to be good friends but im not sure i can even deal with that, i ve made my life so little so i can survive and im scared. He knows i ve got an anxiety disorder and how i feel, i was as honest with him as he was with me, i think he suffers too, i can see aspects of my own behaviour in him.

My worry now is that i keep him in my life and the anxiety continues and i then have to let him go at a later date and he thinks im nuts or that i ve messed him around. the other part of me thinks we could help each other. i just dont know what to do

xxx

[Hidden in reply to looking-glass34]

sorry I didn't read this reply before I replied to yours......... its a hard situ, and I get myself in a pickle with stuff like this, but you've gota go with your gut instinct.... I believe the right person will come along who wont want to run away just cos we have anxiety...... If you cant deal with it then you cant, don't worry about not being friends, its about what you want!!

I hope this helps a little and Ive not said the wrong thing,,,,,, I just wanted to say youre not alone in how you feel......

Ker x

[looking-glass34 in reply to Hidden]

no you ve not said the wrong thing at all, just going to try to think about what i want, even though i dont actually know yet rather than worrying i ll upset him if im not his friend, thanks for your advice xx

[Hidden]

Ah Luv, I read your blog cos I can relate to you and I feel Im crap with relationships, but as I read it I felt very angry with this guy for treating you like this, Don't beat yourself up, this guy is obviously not worthy of you, its not you its him,,,,,,, theres a lot of guys around like this.......... Ive realised that, but also theyre are some nice ones......

I think whywhys advice is spot on and I really think that we have to love ourselves first and concentrate on what we want and getting on with our life and being happy with our lot....... and someone may just come along who is worthy....... Ive learnt this the hard way......... I am currently single and concentrating on getting 'me' back , Im not looking for anyone and right now , don't want anyone, I want to love me first...]

Lots of love Ker x

[looking-glass34 in reply to Hidden]

Hi anne,

Thanks for your advice, im trying really hard to like myself but it just feels like lying to myself. i try to think the best of people, i think i need to cut him loose though dont i rather than trying to be friends, on the other hand if i cant handle an actual relationship maybe i should see if something more casual would work. i actually cant believe i just typed that, if i was reading that id write back saying i deserved more than that! its just hard to know what to do when i cant make my mind stand still. you and whywhys advice has helped tho. sorry to be so negative but i feel a mess today

xxx

[Hidden in reply to looking-glass34]

No need to apologise Luv, Im exactly the same as you believe me, I really think that you deserve someone who wants to love you for who you are, and nothing less.......... I now kjnow this myself, honestly I know how you feel but youre selling yourself short........ Don't settle for something less than what you really want and stop worrying about upsetting him, you don't owe him anything...... its about what you want but now settleing for less!

xxx

[Hidden in reply to looking-glass34]

Best thing to do , is sit & be really honest with yourself

I no all this friend thing has been mentioned , but ask yourself , deep down would you be accepting this , hoping eventually it may turn into something different

Also if you accepted been friends , why would you want a friend like this man , that has just messed you about

And as friends how would you feel if he saw someone else , because he would be free to

Last but least , dont allow it to be friends with benefits

If you can truly say you could cope with all that well that would be fine , I couldnt but maybe you could

If some of this makes your stomach churn at the thought , I would move on

Let us no how you go on , but you are worth been loved , in the right way

xxx

[Hidden]

Yup I think whywhy has put that brilliantly ................ I totally agree............

You're worth more, and you don't want to miss out on someone lovely cos you were settling from someone who doesn't seem that nice!!

xx

[looking-glass34 in reply to Hidden]

I know, all the things you ve both mentioned are the things that are causing me the most anxiety. i ve made a decision tho thanks to your advice. i ve got a pre arranged date thing with him that i ll still go to cause it ll cause me more turmoil to cancel it than it would to go then i ll let the whole friendship thing fade away while i can still do so without getting hurt. i ve no major feelings for him at the moment so this should nt be too difficult.

thanks guys xxxx

[johnramboscat]

HI there,

Ive just lost a 4 and a half year long relationship with my girlfriend due to my anxiety pushing her away! also my jelousey was very high! i would question every new friend she (male) even though I knew nothing was going on my anxiety played me up!

[looking-glass34]

Hi im so sorry to hear that you ve split up. Anxiety eh, its like a self destruct button!

Relationships are soo hard, its putting all the things you would normally do to make yourself safe and able to cope and letting someone else control them. your doing really well though, four and a half years is a long time.

This might sound a strange question, but now its over, shes gone and everything you might have feared happening has happend, does any small part of you feel relieved? I dont in anyway mean releif that your relationships broken down but relief that the cause of the anxietys over? I hope im not coming across as strange, im just wondering if its a normal feeling, i get sort a survivors high once my relationships end, the relief of not obsessing over the bad things that might happen in it is overwhelming.

I hope your this makes sense!

Hugs Looking glass xxx

[johnramboscat]

hi glass

yeh four and a half years is long, just wish it was longer! and it feels better in ways as trying to keep her as happy as i could and try and show as much emotion as i could (my anxiety has always gave me little or no emotions, which is part of why she left as she felt so unloved and it actually made her depressed to) was tiring for me and caused more anxiety as i was always afraid i wasnt loving her. The first 2 years we had a great time before all my problems came along, i was then made redundant, had no money and was so stressed! then i got a new job of working all around the country and i didnt get to see her hardly and then thats why i broke into anxiety and depression. now after like i said not having to force emotions so its nice in that sence, but since she was there from the start and helped me through so much its hard and i feel so lonely! x

[Ram28286]

Hello guys, I am new to this blog , I have been suffering from anxiety and have been getting panic attacks , everyday seems to be a hell , if anyone is from India having the same problem please email me , at least u can share , talk by not feeling left alone , [e-mail]

[Hidden]

Hi Looking glass, i just read your post and it sounds very familiar to what I'm going through at the moment, i know it was sometime ago that you posted this, but I'm wondering if your relationship worked out for you in the end?