Haven't posted in a while.The anxiety and how it's ruined my life is really getting to me. Feeling down lately. Also affecting relationship

I'm on Mirtazapine 30mg, and have had counselling twice. I've been struggling lately. I keep putting on weight as Mirtazapine increases my appetite and have to deal with making sure that my sugar level doesn't go low (I'm sure it's Mirtazapine doing it to me). I'm just struggling with the anxiety ruining my life.. I can't go for relaxing walks anymore, I can't go anywhere alone and I can't really go anywhere with my partner of 7 years. He's there for me as much as he could, and he's struggling with the pressure.. what with only him working, being there for me. We live with my parents (can't afford to move out, and my issues) and we're all getting on top of one another. He's staying over a friends over the weekend.. I was feeling okay and then BAM! I'm hit with a low mood. My self esteem is so low right now, I'm either crying or panicking. I don't ever feel 'here'.. my body is but my mind just isn't and my partner has noticed this. That I'm not always 'here'. I'm just tired of it all.. I feel drained physically and mentally. I'm trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel.. I mean I was able to head near town the other week and I felt great! I feel okay and then the next minute I feel sad or even suicidal at times.

I'm also constantly paranoid that my partner is going to find someone better.. someone that doesn't have issues like me and I get so jealous. It's not fair on my partner when he has been so helpful and is my rock.

I suppose my question being is.. how do you cope? What gets you through? Staying positive and strong can be so hard, but it must be done to get through.

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  • I don't know the answer but I feel the same. It just ruins your life and unless you suffer from this, I don't think you know how we feel. Good luck, I wish there was a magic pill

  • My big demon is depression rather than anxiety though I do get periods of quite severe anxiety just before my periods but they are usually over quite quickly - day or a few days at most so not quite in the same boat. I manage to get through the anxiety by being aware that it just is anxiety and not trying to drive myself mad looking for what is making me feel anxious - which means acknowledge its there but don't get caught up in it. I know that's going to sound like a tall order and I'm not always that successful - should have seen me Tuesday lunchtime at work :)

    I have found meditation useful. I've also found visualising the anxiety as an unwelcome visitor and opening a mental door to say politely 'not today, thank you', has helped me. Exercise (running) is another coping strategy ... as is looking for something going on around me that makes me feel a little calmer (eg greenery) ... Music can help as well - particularly if I'm angry - listening to something loud means that the music can be angry for me and I don't have to be angry (find one of the movements of Dvoraks New World Symphony really useful for that ... or a lot of Beethoven ... and some Led Zep). Sad music can also be very calming - probably the same effect - if I'm just feeling upset.

    Really hope you find something ... or even several things that help you. Having several helps because if one isn't working you can always switch to something else.

  • Also meant to say that the bit about seeing the light at the end of the tunnel made me smile a bit ... for me it's always the express train coming straight at me - so not much comfort at all :)

  • Hey, Dont worry, I guess there are a few of us going through this. We're not alone.

    I have anxiety. I've had it pretty chronically for about a year now, but i guess iv always been highly strung, not to a point though that i ever had genuine fears daily that i would die (like i do now). Its very scary for me. My fiance has been there for me to, though i feel EXACTLY like you, we do have more arguments because of me, and i do get worried and angry at the thought of how i let myself suffer this so bad and how he could find someone better. Also, i feel the pressure for him having to work and being there for me to.

    I guess, i helped him when we first met, to get off drugs and clean his life up (when i was mentally stronger), though now iv developed this anxiety i feel less of a partner.

    I thought i was getting better for a couple of weeks, but i find, i can make myself physically healthy and prepared (meds, counsellors etc) though its the 'outer' problems that bring me down. The things i cant control. Im still figuring out how to beat this thing. but i will, and so will you. You didnt always suffer this? Can you remember a time when you werent suffering through this?

    Exercise helps me and not smoking, although sometimes if i go for a pretty intense run, just feeling my heart beating faster can send me into an attack. But each one i face, no matter how bad they get i try to always think positively after. Once i was driving past a school and i got so scared id hit a little kid accidently that i started to have a panic attack and got even MORE scared because obviously that can be dangerous. how silly is that? not being able to drive from a silly fear? its hard to beat those times. when i got home i broke down. but a couple days later i accepted what happened. got a friend to go with me (they didnt know) and then i did it on my own..but i talked myself through it. haha but silly but it helped! We all know we are going through this (unfortunate for us huh?) but, i guess, its not going to kill you......and....look at all this help out there :)

  • Thank you for your responses. I feel a bit better today, I got to see my partner which was great (he's only away for the weekend).. I suppose you get good days and then you get bad days. To know that I'm not alone means a lot, it really does. Thank you again <3

  • Hey there ChelleBells.

    Understand where you are coming from with the fear on the relationship, I'm lucky that I feel safe in that - 12 years and 3 kids does that - I just get moments every now and then where I think I'm letting them down/holding them back ect...like you said good days/bad days...sometimes it can be difficult to remember that it is just a bad day...that's what I like about this place...:)

    take it easy

    sam x

  • Just to say how much I feel for you. I am in the same boat and I know exactly how you feel. At this very moment I am at one of my lowest downs and I just pray I will get out of it soon.