New dad but having some serious emotions!! - do I need help?

Hi,

I've just become a new dad to a beautiful baby boy who will be 2 weeks old in 2 days. However, for the last week, in the evenings. I have had a downer period for about an hour to 2 hours where I feel tearful, terribly isolated from everyone (as if I'm living in a bubble looking at the world as a stranger) and also feeling disconnected from my wife as well as feeling sad that I can't do the things that I used to do. These feelings do tend to go just before I go to bed. It makes me sad when I see my rabbits looking at me outside as if I've forgotten about them and also seeing the house a mess makes me unhappy as well. However, I have been told I do have a tendency to over-exaggerate things and I'm also a worrier so I don't know if that would have an impact on my feelings or not?

Just to give a background to the situation - My wife had to have an emergency C-section and she's been told that she won't fully recover until 6 weeks so we are 'confined to quarters' if you like as she can't get in the car and walking hurts so I am pretty much doing everything at the moment. Her parents live over 150 miles away and so this plays on my mind quite a lot as we are reliant on my family. We were lucky to have them down to help before the birth and for a couple of days after and when they left both me and my wife broke down in tears. I am looking to try and get up to see them at least once a month but hopefully I can make it twice.

I've heard that some people say that this is normal as it's a huge life-changing event and it takes a couple of weeks to adjust but I've also read that this could be a form of Postnatal Depression and that this could damage the relationship I have with my son. After all the emotions I thought I would go through in becoming a dad, I could never have imagined this - I feel terrible as I'm worried that these feelings look like I don't love my son!!

Does anyone have any advice as to whether I am just 'going through the motions' or whether there is a more serious condition that needs addressing. But any advice would be great as I can't really talk to my wife about it as she gets quite upset when I talk to her about it. I'm hoping that these feelings will go on their own when my boy starts sleeping longer at night and is also less irritable in the daytimes and also when my wife is up and about and fully recovered but I'm not sure as I've never been in this situation before! Also, just giving examples of any similar situations would be good as I feel quite alone in this (even though I know I'm not!!)

Sorry to babble but trying to get everything down! Hope you can understand all this and any advice would be fantastic!

Many thanks!

2 Replies

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  • You have both gone through life changing experiences. Having a new baby is very stressful. If any help is offered I would take it. Could you take it in turns to look after the baby so giving each of you a bit of time to yourself. As your wife gets more mobile things should get slightly easier. Don't worry about the house being in a mess it is to be expected. Try and enjoy your new addition they soon grow up and then your problems really start. If you get too low go and have a talk with your doctor. Congratulations and look after yourself

  • Congratulations on your baby boy! Having a baby is a huge life change and not surprising you feel you are struggling with your emotions a little. the emergency c section must have been a shock and has probably also affected you. I had twins by c section and was she'll shocked for quite a bit after (both in special care for a while). Im sure you will feel better once your wife is up and about again and you can establish a routine with your son. But as Bramwell said, if you Feel you are still low, perhaps have a chat with the gp. Don't fret about the house and housework, my house was a shambles for a while, as all I could seem to manage was looking after the babies and doing the minimum!

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