First post about my anxiety... :(

[_anne_]

I've been asked about my anxiety on the first question I posted at the forum. Somehow I couldn't answer, maybe because it's not easy to answer in just a few sentences without explaining much more, or maybe because I didn't want to go through all the anxiety symptoms and situations I experimented...

But today it was such a difficult day, that I felt like I had to talk about it...

Actually in the end I felt it was more like a day in which I survived, not that I lived...

Work isn't going well, I feel like I can't finish anything, sometimes I just can't figure out how to do the things I need to do... It's stressing me a lot that my boss is coming next Monday after 2 weeks out and that in two weeks I haven't achieved anything...even the most basic stuff have been difficult...

Anxiety plays a great role here... I spend the days trying not to go away, in which I hide the anxiety symptoms and count the hours to "be free"...and also avoiding people, as at lunch time, just because I don't want people to realize how bad I feel, and above all afraid I will have a panic attack that I won't be able to control...The FEAR of PANIC ATTACKS, I guess that's the thing that influences more my daily life, particularly when I feel down, stressed or with lack of confidence about what I can do at work...

Then, most of the times, I have all these physical symptoms...heart beating too fast, chest pain, dizziness (like the ground is moving...), today I even felt my jaws/teeth were kind of hurting and I couldn't wonder if it had anything to do with the heart (!!!),  just because I read one those could hurt when someone's having a heart attack... The worst today, that I hadn't had for so many time (like, hours..) was the derealization feeling...it was horrible...I came home (by taxi, which I used too much today ) to have lunch and started feeling it, just by looking at my meal and at tv I started to feel that "disconnection" from reality...anyway I tried to not to care about it, distract myself, I had to, I had to go back to work... Another taxi, and the feeling went with me to the office... it was very difficult to focus and distract from it...after one hour I decided to take half a victan to help relaxing, even if I didn't want to take it... it helped a bit even if I was still tense the rest of the afternoon, even if I couldn't finish what I had to...I actually continued working and made it to 6.30pm..

It was really difficult...

I'm having a bad week, I know, after all besides my boss's is coming next week I've been having some troubles with my boyfriend which leave me really down... I also know that most of this year has been better than these, I achieved things in terms of controlling anxiety, I did things I hadn't done for so long or that I didn't imagine I could do so soon (like flying to London! ) but in times like this I am SO afraid I will loose everything I achieved...it's scary. And I'm afraid tomorrow will be another nightmare like the first 3 days of the week...I really must show something done, and it's difficult when anxiety is there all day long in so many forms...

Thank you anyone who read this! I hope you're having a (much!) better week  

All the best xxx

Anne

[donaf]

Hello Anne, I hope u wake up feeling abit better in the morning....this anxiety can be hard work. Can't u take some time off work? Give Ur self time to relax and not think about it? It's horrible wen Ur moving forwards with the anxiety and then theres a morning wen uve got it back or even a wk of it. Beginning of the wk I felt it all coming back. I gad to keep telling myself that's its part of the recovery. It's still with me but not as bad...fingers crossed it goes. I have to have a nice hot bath and listen to relaxing music before bed as it helps to relax me xxx

[_anne_ in reply to donaf]

Dear donaf, thank you so much for your comment, it made me feel better. At the end of the day I'm feeling calmer, with a little bit more hope in tomorrow's day, and posting here and having your comments helped with that, I'm sure.

As for the time off work I'm trying not to, as I'm having holidays in August and I hope I can handle this until I have that break...

I totally know what you mean when you say that it's horrible when you're moving forward and then it starts coming back...But it's as you say, we have to tell ourselves that it's part of the recovery to have some downs along the way...in the meantime let's put hope in what we already achieved and try to relax... I definitely must try to distract myself from all these troubles that are putting me down and leading to anxiety to affect me more...I will try!

Thank you a lot! Hope you're week keeps getting better hugs xxx

[Hidden]

Hi anne welcome

I so wished the site was running moor smoothly than at the moment for people like you just starting to talk how they feel , as when it is , which keep coming on , there are such wonderful people with such good advice & support that you will benefit from that alone

Have you explained to your BF how you are feeling ?

I no people that are close to me , I find it such a support that even though they may not understand , they no what I go through & for me because of this it has stopped many an argument

I don't no if he does no how you suffer , but its something to think about , you could even write it down like you have hear & leave it some where to read

Try not to worry about the jaw & teeth thing , I have had that for years , I don't no f you notice , but when we are anxious we are tensed & we tense all the muscles as well , a lot in the jaw area , & this I believe it was causes the pain

I wont comment to much on the work situation as I have not been in that position , but hopefull someone that has , will be able to give you some advise

Love

whywhy

xxx

[_anne_ in reply to Hidden]

Dear whywhy, I want to answer you better but I really have to sleep now and will leave that for tomorrow, but for now let me tell you your comment also helped me getting calmer and put a little bit more hope in tomorrow's day...you're very sweet! Thank you a lot :)xxx

[harrassedmom]

Take each day as it comes and it will get better in time. I am sure your boss will be fine and will have more things to worry about that's what you have been doing. We built things up to be bigger than they really are. That's what anxiety does we have strong physical reactions to small things as our senses are over tuned. Have you had any CBT it can be really helpfull, spoken to your GP recently etc worth going back and book a double appointment. Show them this post Ian print out if you don't want to explain. Big hugs xx