How can I help him?

My boyfriend seems to suffer from anxiety and I really don't know what to do to help him. He lives a very lonely life and since we've started going out has managed to go out a bit more, but is completely unable to do anything social on his own. He feels threatened by anything and anyone and has very sad views about most ethnic groups, is totally disrespectful of my feelings and thoughts and feels that the world is a very bad place. Things are so bad that he is unable to sleep most nights, we're completely unable to have a sex life because he suffers from performance anxiety and we hardly talk. I've tried to help him, asked him to get help and so far he's refused. I'm so frustrated by the whole thing that I haven't made any contact with him for days, I can't cope with the sadness and frustration and feel rejected and useless. I can't see him destroy himself and not care. How can I help him when he withdraws and keeps me at arms length? Thanks

5 Replies

  • Sunnybee

    Bless you. I have been there and its awful. Read my blogs, they stem from 9 months ago. I tried everything to help him. He did the same. I saw him twice this year. It made me poorly. I saw him the last time on Friday, as he came to tell me he was moving to Scotland today. I would not hear from him in days. I did everything and i have had it thrown in my face. Inbox me or anything if you need any advice. x

  • Thanks Lou, I really don't know what to do because I know he likes me and he's trying hard. The issue is that what he's doing doesn't work, he knows it, but he is not keen on getting the help he needs and doesn't let me help. Because I haven't said a word for days (and he hasn't either!) I feel that my only option is to leave things and allow him to do what he wants and move on. x

  • I got 3 phonecalls a day to absolutely nothing. Then i would feel bad and worry and get in touch with him. It went on for months. I used to take food over, sort his bills out. Then he came at me with that. I stayed as i though he is poorly and you dont leave someone who isnt well. For the last 9 months its was a friendship, me as carer.........................then i got the smack in the face on Friday. Also told me he loves no-one. He wouldnt take medication. Reckons he will go to the docs now he is up there. It does make you feel guilty, it makes you feel crap as if its your fault. It brings u down. I am sat here not heart pounding, feeling sick and not able to eat cos that upset. Dont go too far down that road. Think about yourself aswell. x

  • The 'Get Help' section of our website is a good place to start exploring the support available to you:

    For a more detailed explanation of anxiety disorders and how to deal with them we recommend the ‘Overcoming’ series of books. Understanding for yourself how anxiety works and why it becomes a problem will help you a great deal, and these books provide excellent explanations. You can see the range of titles here:

    'Talking Therapies' such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Clinical Hypnotherapy and Counselling are some of the most effective tools for treating anxiety disorders. You can find out more about them here:

  • Thanks, it's really appreciated and I'll have a look at the links you have provided

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