Cant cope with my mind anymore..........

[kathm]

I am have a bad bout of anxiety possibly depression mixed in. My anxiety sympoms are mainly in my head and today I had a frightening experience. I had an overwhelming feeling that I wanted to shut off my mind completely....couldnt cope with my brain just ticking over and being awake.....every thought tortured me even if i tried to think of nice things. I cant cope with this anymore....I dont enjoy my life and am scared that my mind is going to continue torturing me. Pysch has prescribed Lamactil to try...already on lithium and anti-depressant (not bipolar)......am nervous about taking another drug but will try anything to get out of this hell......thanks x

[Hidden]

Hi kath,

Your winding yourself up, but dont realise it. I've had all this and its bloody scary.

Ok, mind, thoughts are all part of us. So we have to take responsibility for them, we are actually making these thoughts.

If we fight thoughts they get stronger and start going into all sorts of strange thinking, but its still just thinking.

Fight or flight reaction occours when we feel danger, and along with that we start thinking castrophic things.

Now to settle all this down, we do NOTHING i.e. we dont fight or flight ( run away ) we say hi to these thoughts, we face them without fighting, we accept them with as much acceptance as we can manage, we float through the panic and let time pass untill it subsides.

Panic will initially get stronger, then if allowed will slowly become less untill manageable. Thats a fact, but we have to prove it to ourselves, by practicing, starting with little easy things, and then moving onto slighly harder things, all with kindness and gentleness in our heart for ourselves. It takes a lot of practice till it works everytime. But it will work.

So stop bloody fighting yourself.......................give yourself a cuddle you deserve one, and slowly and gently move forward, being aware that we can never stop a thought, however we can allow it to pass through untouched like a cloud floating by in the lovely blue sky.

Weare all here for you

Wishing you well

B

xxxx

[kathm]

Yes you are right B I do wind myself up but cant stop myself. I just hope that I reach a point where I enjoy thinking again as I am scared about what my mind is going to do next. I feel like i just dont want to be existing at the moment, anxiety has taken over my life. What do you think about that extra medication? Thanks, hope you are well xx

[Hidden in reply to kathm]

Hi kath,

I've no experience of those medications, sorry. I'm old school xanax and valium, which I have managed to throw out the door after 30 yrs.

I understand what your going through, I've been there too.

Your scared of your mind, because you either run or fight the thoughts, and thats EXACTLY whats causing them to carry on.

Even in the pits of dispair, there is still little you, in amongst those thoughts, hang on to YOU let it all happen...........do nothing.....................give the thoughts kindness, flood them with it. gentleness too, there only thoughts and if we dont react to them, just take responsibility for them, they will slowly become weaker, and weaker.

I was so hard on myself, I wouldn't give myself time to do what I knew would make me better, till I found I actually had the love, kindness, gentleness already inside me, and it was that that saw me through and the practice above.

Wish you well

B

xxxx

[kathm]

Thanks for your response. Its torture isnt it. Reassuring to know I am not only one. Take care x

[ccfarias1000]

Dear Kath,

Sadly I had similar problem but I am happy to say its gone.... I started stopping sleeping I would stay with my eyes open to the ceiling certain that I could hear mouse noise around the bedroom but nothing was there ..really!!! My mind would not stop and could not rest for about 5 days each day getting worse and worse...then the TV started to talking directly to me like if it was telling me to do things....I could not settle any where,,,not in the garden....not anywhere ...people in the street was talking on the phone about me and seating in side the cars spying on me ... (not really just in my mind). I was taken to my mother's in law in the country to rest but for me people was following me, in their cars. I was up all night and 5 am i want to run from the house in my sleeping clothes I just had to get away from there because I trusted nobody and I wanted to call the police. They were all against to me like in a big conspiracy plot ..on the TV, they raked my laptop and so on....The problem was I refused to go to hospital because I was certain that they want to lock me away in a sanatorium!!! my husband had another women which would replace me and nobody would ever notice or go to see me locked up....Finally I agree to see my GP which gave me some sleeping pills "did not work". On the following day my sister in law try to take me to A&E after 3-4 hours she persuaded me to go by assuring me that she would be by my side all the time. They diagnosed me with paranoia and psychosis due to stress at work, I was sent from A&E to Mausdley mental hospital for two weeks taking medication to sleep which would nok me out and another to reduce my psychotic paranoia. I was terrified, after I left the hospital I took medication for another 5 months, 3 months off work and reduced my job to only 20 hours per week. On the six month I took a long holiday to Brazil to see my family and decided to stop the pills because it was making me very sleeping during the day. However, nobody supported me on that decision. First I reduced the quantities in half for a month and them I cut off totally. I was very afraid but convicted that I did not want to depend on prescription for the rest of my life and that I needed to regain my control and will power. I felt that these pills and whole system was controlling my life and taking decisions for me within the support of my loved one's whom was fearful for me. I have not taken any pills and have not had any episodes since December 2012. I am happy with my self and I believe that talking a lot about it made me realize that my mind was playing tricks at me and I strongly believe that I can recognize if it starts to happen again and how to avoid situations that can trigger it. But essentially you need to talk with people who understand what you r going thrue.

Best wishes,

CStewart

[kathm]

Thanks for your response......your experience sounds horrific. I havent got the symptoms you experienced but feel like I am battling with own mind and scared of whats going to happen next. Its the symptom I get every time I have anxiety and have been referred for CBT again. Glad you are doing well x