I joined this site because I was getting terrible nightmares and feelings of despair and panic after suffering a heart attack.
I have received a lot of support especially from briarrose who has been a great help. The fear and anxiety is still very bad at night and I never get to sleep until dawn.
I am still bedridden and spend a lot of time reading other peoples' blogs.
What strikes me somewhat is that some of you suffer from really debilitating anxiety--depression or panic attacks but live in the most beautiful parts of this country.
Where I live in a deprived town in Medway there is a lot of mental illness due to overcrowding,the pace of life etc.
I would have thought that where you live would effect your mental well being.Obviously I am wrong but it still puzzles me.
I just read one of your past blogs, I was in the william harvey too getting a pacemaker fitted due to anxiety etc. and I found them very good too. I'm in foggy Dover just down the road from you
I feel, although it would be nice to live in a perfect environment, we would still say somethings wrong, if only this was different, etc.
We live in our minds, when we can find stillness inside, perfection, and peace is available, even sitting on the throne
Unless my wifes just been in there haha.
For us anxiety sufferers, we want so much, judge so much, desire things to be different. But when we see what we have, its good enough.
Your words have a softness about them, have you found since the heart attack you are calmer now?
When I was a post woman my round was in Cheriton. Nice in the summer but winter was harsh. I love going to kepples in summer for a pint. Overlooking the leas. Only nice part of this dump lol xxx
I was born in stanley rd, then moved to landgon road, then back to cherry garden lane, that was a posh house my dad had. Loved it there, spent many a day trying to get out the house after the agoraphobia started.
where's kepples? is it in one of the hotels?, not being a drinker I dont know the pubs around town anymore, except ther pullman if its still going lol.
Its ok cookster I wont stalk you haha, I was walking in folkestone today, and got a bit paranoid in town, just in case I saw someone I knew. I'm best sliding through the town anonimously.
B
xxx
Hi
Yes I live in a lovely part of the country.....I feel embarrassed to say on a low day it makes no difference at all....no matter what beauty or loveliness we are looking at, the feelings are within
Sue x
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Yes I think I understand now.It is not what is outside but rather what you suffer inside your head.I read about you giving up work early due to anxiety.
I worked from the age of 16 until I retired at 65.Big but!!!every few years my anxiety would get so bad that I resigned.I had a very good education and started quite high up.However every time that I resigned and started a new job I soon dropped down the ladder.
At the age of 30 I was quite high up in the civil service.At the age of 65 I was sweeping out the stores of my local supermarket.My wife and me recently worked out that in 49 years I had 18 different jobs each one lower than the one before.I still have not beaten my anxiety.....panic attacks.......but at last I am grateful to be alive and I appreciate the effort that my long suffering wife has given me.
I wish you and all fellow sufferers the very very best
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Thank you grog boy, it's kinda nice when someone understands....yes like you I have had some quite high up job roles....
I do feel guilty about not enjoying the beautiful countryside and ungrateful too....but I guess it's like they say you can have all the riches but if you don't have your health it's no good....I'm trying very hard, because I have been fortunate enough to have very happy times during my life and so I hope I can again get there...I guess it's all still a bit of a shock to me how debilitating this can all be....but I do have some good days and working with CBT hope to get to a better place soon and be able to enjoy life again, as I was once. Good to hear you can appreciate things now, and lovely that your wife has stood by you
Sue xxxx
Thanks baylien.
Your words and story have given me great hope.I love Dover...I love the William Harvey.......and thanks to people like you I am regaining hope.
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getting a pacemaker fitted due to anxiety etc. and I found them very good too. I'm in foggy Dover just down the road from you 
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