well its been a pretty rough week...... after seeing my ex back on the dating site..... I was gutted and I had a day crying...... I dont know why really..... I wouldnt want to go back to that situation....
but I was still gutted.....selfish I suppose....... I cant even think about dating..... I did put my profie back on the site , but really only to piss him off..............
I think it was just a final realisation that hes not gona do anything to keep me, and for me to be in that relationship, I had to go along with what him and his mother deemed fit........
So I guess I was crying for my lost relationship, one that started so well , with high hopes and I really though Id found 'a good one' even if I did think that it was strange he'd never had a serious relationship at 48........... mmmm thouse warning bells were there, and I chose to ignore.....
Other factors too that I made excuses for............ namely a stack of porn (sorry I know this is personal) but I have to get it off my chest........... Yeah caught him a few times on the internet looking at porn while I was in the house.... and I put this down to his medical problem with being type 1 diabetic,,, and they have circulation problems, if you get my drift...... but this made me feel crap and Ive lost a lot of confidence......
Why do I always make excuses for them and blame myself when the relationship fails.........
Anyway I just wanted to blog this and get it off my chest............
So Im moving forward........... slowly.............. Im not dating............ I cant do that............. Im just not ready............ Im going to concentrate on me, and getting my hat hiring business sorted.....
Heres to a good weekend............ Im going over to Lincoln to have the weekend with my mate......
HOPE EVERYONE ELSE HAS A NICE WEEKEND......
Ker xxxxxx