confused! feeling alone, its all new and scary, can anyone relate?

[tasha78]

hi everyone, its taken me awhile to pluck up the courage to write this, ive had depression since i was around 12 (27 years) been on meds on and off since, id been off them for 6 years although ive felt terrible at times its really hard to go to the doctors, around 6-7 weeks ago i stared having really bad feelings about everything ive done wrong in my life ( im not a criminal or killed anyone!) and had awful guilt, ive been diagnosed with low self esteem years ago and i actually feel guily for being born, then about 4-5 weeks ago i got a pain in my chest kinda heavy like a stone, a feeling of dread and im just scared, of everything, my hearts beating out of my chest, im sweating, cant eat, or sleep, my head just feels like its spinning and going out is a nightmare, i feel really stupid, ive looked up anxiety and not really seen all these symptoms, i went to the doctors n had a melt down i started crying, was shaking like mad so was given citalopram, propranolol and zopiclone, he never explained what was wrong just wanted me out of the door i think so just wanted to know if anyone else feels like this or can relate? im feeling abit of a freak ive read about anxiety n panic attacks but it looks like the symptoms come n go n mine are constant

[Minnie87]

Hey,im really sorry you feel this way.its bloody horrible.

Sounds like it has been a build up of things for you.i have days like you describe and its so hard to function let alone leave the house when the symptoms are constant.

Just wanted you to know you aren’t alone and how you feel is okay.it will pass and you will get through it x

[tasha78 in reply to Minnie87]

thank you so much! i keep telling myself i'll feel better soon but looking up anxiety i keep reading storys of people having it for years and just learning to live with it n its scary! i dont think i can, how do you cope with it on a daily basis? i hope your ok too

[Minnie87 in reply to tasha78]

I wont lie,some days its hell.but recently im really trying to help myself.pushing myself to go out and try to enjoy life.you wont feel this way forever i promise.ive had years of no symptoms where i have lived a totally normal life.

Feeing alone is one of the most depressing things.but trust me.you really arent.people just really need to talk more x

[tasha78]

well done for getting out and about, its so easy to isloate yourself when your feeling bad isnt it? i tend to do that, ive got 4 children but because my partner works evening and can do the school run i find myself hiding away abit, i do try and talk to him about how im feeling but i think its hard to understand if youve not been through it yourself x

[Minnie87 in reply to tasha78]

Oh definitely.i have lost a few friends though cancelling on them many times because i couldn’t face it.

I think having children can actually add to the stress because you know you have to get up and you have to do things you dont want to do.

I totally agree with you about others not understanding.people try but unless they have had it they just couldnt begin to know x

[Cwoods]

I am so sorry your a feeling this way I've had some of those symptoms you have described it makes you feel like you just want to give up. Anxiety is so horrible it makes you feel so alone and its all frustrating but dnt give up i have my good and bad days im trying now when i feel symptoms to not focus on them and to remember its just anxiety its hard to do it at times but im trying. Please dnt give up keep fighting.

[greemandy]

Claire weekes books talk through the exact feelings you are having. I've had it, it's horrid, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The guilt is the worse. Being frightened of it makes it worse, the book normalises it. It will go in its own time but being afraid of the thoughts and feelings makes it all worse. Much love xx

[tasha78 in reply to greemandy]

thank you, ive heard a few people mention claire weekes lately so ill deffo look up some of her books, im scared of everything (going out, staying in!) and it makes me feel stupid and weak, but thanks for your reply it feels easier knowing that your not alone and others are going through the same battles x

[ArchieMum01]

Hey Tasha

Well done for sharing, this is a great place to talk through your worries and i promise you'll only find good advice and lots of support from those of us who know only to well what your going through

I've been diagnosed with GAD( general anxiety disorder) since Feb 2016, truth is i worry about EVERYTHING. It seems like random ideas/thoughts slip into my mind at a million miles an hour but i only see the negative thoughts which i then worry about Blah Blah Blah ( we all know the "drill" right?)

Well i've started a mindfullness & good mental health group and i have to say life is looking up at last

I've been going along twice a week now since Sept 2017. At first it was hard work( even getting there!!) but as everyone including most of the support staff ALL suffer anxiety in some form or another i no longer feel akward or out of place

Mindfullness teaches you to relax and focus only on the positive, it helps you to recongnise negative thoughts BUT to just let them pass through with all the other rubbish

I won't pretend everyday is great, it isn't but i am now much better at processing my thoughts , aknowledging them for what they really are and only focusing on what is real and in need of my attention

Sorry it's been a long post but i hope it helps you or someone else get to grips with anxiety, if you keep talking and seeking help you can control your mind again

Lastly Tasha if it's possible change your doctor, you need understanding and support to get through this and sadly not everyone is able to help

Good luck and much love to all on this site xxx

[RAB888]

Hi

In the past I have suffered with depression after a divorce and also suffered with anxiety so I can relate to your situation. That was all before I came across a new understanding behind all human behaviour that can literally transform you almost instantly once you see it.

Depression is remembering negative experiences from the past, and anxiety is worrying about something that probably won't happen in the future .

Happiness can only be found by enjoying the present moment.

This new understanding teaches how to reach this state of mind.

We all innocently live in an outside in existence when our experience comes from the inside out.