MY NEIGHBOUR

Is an arsehole,I think or is it me.Been going on for a long time,banging doors,noise,her kid damaging the fence with a ball.

I go out the back today,two damaged panels and rubbish thrown in my garden,not rubbish,rubbish but an apple and coconut shell.So,I get angry,I knock on her door,she is aware of the fence damage so I say "listen bitch,you must pay for the fence and,your little shit of a son is throwing stuff in my garden,if it happens again,he will get a slap".

I go in the house,I feel guilty for my harsh words but I am at boiling point,when very anxious,I feel violent.

An hour later,loud bang on the door,her brother is standing there,he says"you threaten my sister I will sort you out",big mistake,bang,I hit him hard,he is out for the count,she flies out the house,knife,yes knife in hand,I hit her hard,she has a knife so I take no chances.She is on the floor,I take the knife away.As I do this,the Police arrive,I drop the knife on the floor.Police draw baton and mace,they spray me,god it stings,I drop to the floor,they cant get the cuffs on,I resist in panic and rage.I manage to get up,I cant see properly,I lash out,bang,bang,bang,2 cops out for the count.Back up arrives,van with 6 of them,Ithink about resisting,I'm 6 feet 7 and 21 stone,take some stopping but choose not to.

They put me in a cell,I hate being confined,I ring the buzzer on the cell door,door opens,I push my way out and manage to get into a yard area,no escape,they let me sit there as I explain my fears.

Charged with assault etc,they let me go,I get home and see her next door laughing and drinking with her brother,I tell them,its not finished,dont go to bed tonight.

I am fuming still,should I go round and finish them off,feeling very anxious,I am dangerous when like this,what helps others to calm down,also had a few drinks and some pills,my way to cope,please advise.

[Hidden]

Hi

No please don't go round & finish them of , it would not be a good idea at all , this would lead to you been punished & I am sure that's not what you really want

Tablets & drink are not a very good combination either , mixed together they can either make us feel more anxious or violent , again I would advise not mixing them

The best thing you could do , is ignore them , it takes a bigger person & its a longer wait , but you get in to trouble & you have given them what they want

I also would go & see your GP , tell them how you feel , how you react , let them refer you to get help with your anxiety

Forget the neighbours , that's all they are , nothing to you , think of yourself , your family

Hope you get the help you need & I hope you don't mind me saying , but believe me violence wont solve anything

Love

whywhy

xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Think we must have written our replies at virtually the same time why why...I agree with you violence will not help more likely make matters much much worse x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Great minds think alike

xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You are right,I feel calmer now,dont worry,staying in,thank you.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Pleased to hear that , it really isn't worth it , you will just play straight into their hands

[Hidden]

Oh dear that made me feel anxious reading it....totally get your annoyance...but you are going to only add to your anxieties /anger by this kind of confrontation...we all deal differently with anxiety and anger we feel so angry and frustrated with our anxieties I can understand....I'm not a professional and can only say what is my instinct, and I apologise if I sound patronising or wrong to you...you seem to acknowledge you can be dangerous when like this, perhaps some kind of anger management , I would mention to your Dr, perhaps they can advise some help for controlling the anger....

Not sure what is best for you to unwind...I'm sure you probably feel exhausted maybe sleep that's if you can....certainly I'm sure you know I would not go round and confront this again...

Sorry I'm not a great help and I don't know what, if any help you may have sought out before....as you are no doubt aware any violence will go against yourself and be classed as unacceptable...I'm not taking away the part they played in this to create your anger although I think initially confronting the matter in a bit more of a diplomatic way would help...but as far as you are concerned I would urge you to seek some help with your anger and frustration...

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you also,my friend is on her way over,she is the voice of reason,she always calms me down,we look so funny together,me 6 feet 7,she 4 feet 11,my best friend.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Great, glad you have someone coming round

Glad you feel calmer, actually writing it down probably helped...

Hope things get better....

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Stay calm till she comes & listen to her

[Hidden]

Yeh dont do anything else. Thanks to your lovely neighbours, they have provoked you into trouble. Going round and kicking off is gona make things worse. It looks like you are the trouble causer, when its the reverse. Keep calm.....................easier said than done. Dont let the neighbours get you into more bother. Have you any records of trouble before with them that you can use in your defense. x

[Timlad]

Right. Let us sit down with a cup of tea/coffee and put this down on paper.

This is how it looks from the outside;

Over a damaged fence, an apple core, and a coconut shell. You go round in an angry manner and abuse her verbally (listen bitch), you then threaten her child with violence and storm off.

If that happened to you, how would you react?

When her brother comes round you assault him.

When she comes round with a knife (well you are 6 foot 7 and 21 stone), you assault her.

The police arrive and faced with a violent incident with a knife involved, you get maced.

You then panic and in rage assault two policemen (officers of the law, doing their duty).

When six more arrive you choose not to resist further. You end up in a cell.

you now have the anxiety of a looming court case and possible prison sentence.

How different your day could have been. Let's see what could have happened.

You are sick to death with the people next door, as you feel a rage coming on you choose not to react. you sit down somewhere quiet and rationalize things.

Firstly you are safe inside your house (your castle) and nobody can come in unless you invite them. Nobody. Now you can deal with your fence problem. get an estimate for the repair/rebuild and quietly post it to her with a short note of your complaint re the noise etc.(preferably when she is not there) Don't get personal or abusive and make sure you have a copy for your records.

Then just wait as the problem is now hers. Try to forget it completely as dwelling on it will just raise your anxiety levels and dwelling on it serves no purpose.

You have now taken the driving seat and are in control of the problem. The worry is now hers. Citizens advice will help you with any further dealings at no cost. Only time will help resolve the issue now so forget it.

Sadly, as this did not happen you now have to think of damage limitation.

Remember, worrying is a wasted emotion after the event and will change nothing. It will only hurt you more. Get some real friends around you (not the ones that just tell you what they think you want to hear) and talk to citizens advice or look online for help in dealing with this.

You should also book an urgent appointment with your doctor and be totally honest about what happened and how you were feeling leading up to it. you may need medication changes but only your doctor can decide on treatment. They can also put you in touch with all sorts of other services who will help you. They can help you in any future court case by citing your medical condition as mitigating circumstances. The courts are there to help you if you are ill and should, with doctors reports, be lenient.

I hope you can get some help with your anxiety as i have suffered it for decades now and have only recently, after a similar incident to yours, in my life, got the right medication and help.

In my case i am now glad it all happened as the outcome has freed me to live my life, after some hard lessens and changed medication.

You mentioned "Choice" in your letter. this is the key. We are all responsible for our actions. Actions that we choose to do. The best thing that works for me is "time to think". Counting to 10, to 20 to 100 or however high I have to count until i recognize the choice is mine to make.

I hope all goes well for you and you find some peace.

Tim.

[Hidden]

I agree 100pc Timlad. I couldn't have put it better myself. To say nothing about anything else you did If any man dares to call me a 'bitch' I get just as nasty and abusive back. And I am nowhere near a violent person. I think you need to think very hard about your future language and behaviour baggins. I understand your anxiety but it doesn't give you the right to be abusive and violent towards, woman especially. Pick on someone your own size.

I definately think you should seek treatment for your anger issues before you do irretrievable harm to some poor soul.