My therapist is asking me what sort of questions I want my therapist to ask me.

[YellowxMango]

I'm in DBT and we work on life skills, when we are in individual therapy, we have dairy cards written about our daily life and what skills we attempt to use, as well as ratings of our emotions. Lately, I have been a bit discouraged attending individual therapy bec. I think my therapist is doing a poor job going about it. She often ask me questions that feels like a quiz (where I answer briefly about what skills I used and that sort). And it has become a bit annoying. I told her that I would like more open-ended questions. Then she asked me what kind. At this point I felt a bit taken aback bec. isn't it her job as a professional to come up with that? Obviously, I'm mentally ill, who's depressed and limited in knowledge. I just thought this was dumb because I feel like I'm playing therapist to my therapist... She said I should spend the week trying to figure out what sort of questions I want her to ask me. 🤦‍♀️

[Existing]

I will come back to this to respond, gotta do taxes, but it's a interesting question you mention.

[Downinil]

Since I’m not a therapist I can only assume that Dialectical Behavior Therapy would require conversation so perhaps your therapist is encouraging you to articulate your thoughts.

[jjpeabody]

Hi YellowxMango, I absolutely think you should participate with your therapist, to a degree, in your therapy. Try to never be shy or feel reluctant to discuss your most personal issues that bother you. This is important on the road to self discovery, whether you stay with this therapist or go to another. Below is a response from the AI app DeepSeek. Good luck

"Absolutely! Making a list of topics and questions to discuss with your therapist is a great idea. It can help you stay focused, ensure you cover important issues, and make the most of your therapy sessions. Here’s why it’s helpful and how to do it effectively:### **Why Make a List?**

1. **Clarity** – Writing things down helps organize your thoughts and identify what’s most important.

2. **Efficiency** – Therapy time is limited, and a list ensures you don’t forget key points.

3. **Accountability** – It keeps you on track with your therapy goals.

4. **Progress Tracking** – You can revisit topics over time to see how your thoughts or feelings have evolved.

### **What to Include in Your List:**

#### **1. Key Topics to Discuss**

- Current stressors (work, relationships, health, etc.)

- Past traumas or unresolved issues

- Emotional struggles (anxiety, depression, anger, guilt)

- Behavioral patterns (procrastination, self-sabotage, people-pleasing)

- Relationship challenges (family, friends, partners)

- Life transitions (job changes, moving, loss)

- Self-improvement goals (confidence, boundaries, communication)

#### **2. Questions for Your Therapist**

- "Why do I keep repeating this unhealthy pattern?"

- "How can I cope with [specific trigger]?"

- "Is what I’m feeling normal?"

- "What strategies can I use to manage [anxiety, anger, etc.]?"

- "Do you think [past event] is affecting me now?"

- "How do I set better boundaries with [person]?"

- "What are some signs I’m making progress?"

#### **3. Session Reflections**

- "Last session, we talked about [topic]. I’ve been thinking…"

- "Since our last meeting, I noticed [change/struggle]."

- "I tried the technique you suggested, and here’s what happened…"

### **Tips for Using Your List Effectively:**

- **Prioritize** – If your list is long, rank items by urgency or importance.

- **Be Open** – Even if something feels minor, share it—it might be significant.

- **Update Regularly** – Add new concerns or insights between sessions.

- **Don’t Pressure Yourself** – It’s okay if you don’t cover everything in one session.

### **Example List:**

1. **Topic:** Anxiety at work

- *Question:* "How can I stop overthinking deadlines?"

2. **Topic:** Conflict with my partner

- *Question:* "What’s a healthy way to express my needs without arguing?"

3. **Topic:** Childhood family dynamics

- *Question:* "Could my upbringing be affecting my relationships now?"

Therapy is *your* space, and bringing a list ensures you use it in a way that serves you best. Would you like help refining your list or brainstorming topics?"

[YellowxMango in reply to jjpeabody]

thank for your input, atm I am visiting her weekly to the point where I don't have drama all the time so I dont have anything significant important to discuss. Ive been practicing skills positive and progressive experiences daily and things have been smooth with minor bumps. That's been shown on my dairy card, and I clarify that myself during session. At that point there isnt much for me to report so she ends up asking questions about what skills I used, why and how, etc. It becomes mundane and I don't get much out of it.

[jjpeabody in reply to YellowxMango]

It sounds like you're feeling each other out and trying to adapt, give it time if you like her. Don't be afraid to ask her to outline what her plan is for you or where you guys are going and what to expect. I see it as buying a product and you are paying for it and have a right to know what you are getting and what her plan is to help you achieve your goals and what those goals clearly are. It's not always an easy process but at some point if you are not satisfied with her results I'd discuss how you feel with her and that you're thinking about getting another therapist. I wish I could help you find a therapist you're happy with, it can really make a difference. Also, you are an important participant and your opinion is very valuable so if you can recommend something you think might work better be sure to, as well as saying if something doesn't seem to be working or relevant. I wish you the best, good luck YellowxMango.

[Existing]

Ok, back to respond. I'm copying the part of your post that's most important:"At this point I felt a bit taken aback bec. isn't it her job as a professional to come up with that? Obviously, I'm mentally ill, who's depressed and limited in knowledge. I just thought this was dumb because I feel like I'm playing therapist to my therapist"

Ok, a lot of people think this way but it's really not the way it works.

First, you may have depression, as do I, which is a diagnosable mental health condition, but that has nothing to do with making you deficient of less than anyone else. If you just mean because she's the professional, it sounds like she's a bit too open ended for your assumptions about therapy.

What you want from therapy is yours to decide, and she wants to make sure she can work to get that right. She is "empowering" you to take the lead of your life, to think for yourself why you are in therapy and what you want to gain from it.

I learned so many useful skills for managing the way I dealt with my depression early in life that are so automatic in things I avoid ahead of time, things I push myself harder to do that will help, but I think the biggest thing is figuring out what's going on inside my head and my life, so that it can be talked about and worked on.

The question I would want her to ask will be different than yours, but she's doing exactly the right thing because you DO NOT want a therapist who TELLS you who you are, TELLS you how you should feel, TELLS you what good or bad.. and a lot of times that's the reason they are in therapy because many times families define each other, and then we are just acting. This therapist wants you to know that it's you who knows who you are, and you who is responsible for what you do. Many people blame others for why they can't do things, and feel like victims. But we have the power over OUR lives, and she's encouraging you to use that to express yourself. So, she wants to know what helps and you just answer general yes or no, she can't tell if you are getting something important or not from things.

The goal in therapy is to grow, and that's difficult to define, and it takes work, but it's where you can vent whats depressing you and holding you back.