The last four months of 2018 have been the worst for me. It was my first experience dealing with depression/anxiety and I lost myself and it’s so scary. I lost weight from losing my appetite, everyday I came home from school I had an urge to just run or punch something, and I would have this awful indescribable emotional pain in my chest. It was just a weird psychological break down I have never experienced before.
I’m getting better now slowly but I can’t help but feel like I’ve permanently changed. The feeling of utter joy when I do the things I love has left me. It’s so scary. I’m more self aware now too. Now I dread going to school because I feel like I belong no where.
There isn’t one person I can say is a close friend of mine. I’ve never felt so alone I feel like I’ll never meet the right people. This causes me to ask myself if there is something wrong with me. Am I that bad at making friends? Or do I just simply not connect with the people around me? And is that ok? I even get jealous of people who seem to have nice established friendships with others. People who go out, have friend groups, all those simple things I just feel I don’t have. Makes me feel alone. I feel like a loser. I’ve always thought these things but I think this time something snapped in me and now I have been feeling awful about it for a long period of time. It’s really weird.