Struggling to find any positives

[gilded_masquerade]

The past few days (mostly today) I’ve been lacking the capacity to care about most things, I’m generally a very empathetic person but it doesn’t feel that way right now.With everything going on in the world, whether it be Covid or protests or whatever else, I’ve been struggling to find a point to living (I would elaborate more but I don’t want to trigger or depress anyone else) I’m NOT suicidal but I am lacking the capacity to care or do anything really.

I do want to get better, I’ve been told that I am a pretty negative person by friends in the past but with the things I’ve gone through it’s not hard to see why. I also feel like because I’ve been negative for so long and stuck in this mindset; I’ll never get better. Some days I can see and acknowledge the progress or new habits and whatnot but I feel like that won’t be enough and that I’ll never get to where I want to be (which is a more positive person).

I know you’re going to tell me it’s possible, and I would like to believe you but I’ve always felt that people just lie, including myself because to me that just seems like a fallacy or something that Hollywood romanticizes (again, wont go in depth because I don’t want to trigger anyone with how my mind is).

I’d also like to make it crystal clear that I’m not religious, I respect religion but I am not a believer so please don’t tell me to place my faith in God or whoever else, I respect it but I’m not a follower of Him or any other God.

Anyway, I guess I just wanted somewhere where I felt comfortable enough to scream into the void for a few minutes.

I want to be a more positive person, but that seems near impossible these days...

[Ladybug9]

I will never lie to you and I also won't placate you or tell you what I think you want to hear. For some reason, this weekend has been strange for many people. I woke up angry, depressed and sad. Even though you don't want to hear that things will get better, I have to say that you are going to have good days and bad days with everything going on. My Therapist told me to stay off of Facebook and to ONLY watch 30 minutes of my local news a day. I was doing just fine until I watched more news than I should have and it triggered me. I'm an empath so I soak up everything!! What I see, what I hear, what people are feeling, etc..Yes, it can be a blessing but it can also be a curse. And last night it was a curse because I became upset, went to bed upset and couldn't control my anger, fear, and sadness today. We need to support one another more than ever before right now. So, I'm here for you. You are NOT alone!

[gilded_masquerade]

As bad as it may be to say I’m relieved to know I’m not the only one currently feeling this way, granted; with everything going on I think it was foolish of me to think I was. Maybe I just thought I was the only person in my immediate circle. Thank you for taking the time to comment and for reassuring me, I know this mood or what have you may not go away instantly but I’ll try to stay away from social media and the news and drama/toxicity, like anyone really wants anything to do with any of them right now honestly. But thank you again, it means a lot ☺️ Hope you’re well!

[Ladybug9 in reply to gilded_masquerade]

You are absolutely not alone and I wish I would have listened to my Therapist when he told me to stay off social media and watching endless news channels. I did for a while and it actually did help. In my crazy mind I thought I could just go back for a minute. Nope! Worst mistake I could have made. And I do want to point out that you were by no means, being selfish! I think what happens is that we feel so alone at times and that can lead to us feeling as if we are the only ones experiencing the feelings we are going through at the moment. I have to be completely honest by saying that your feelings will wax and wane. That is normal. Because I deal with being bi-polar, I can be so depressed one day and the next day, I'm dancing around my Mobile Home. Unfortunately, the depression wins more often than the mania. So, keep sharing how you are feeling, and never feel like you are being selfish!

[marsdream]

I am sorry that you are hurting. Try to get out and walk, take in nature. You need to surround yourself with good friends. Find a good doctor to confide in and just someone who specializes in mental health. Know that you are not alone, and you have the capacity to get through this; but just take the time to get help for yourself.

[Hidden]

Yea I definitely wont push any god on you. In facts things only started getting better in my life when I took my life into my own hands and stopped waiting for an invisible god to do it. It's normal to feel negative when you dont feel well. You just gotta keep trying to make progress and if you dont feel like things are getting better, try something new. Keep experimenting. Keep learning.

[gilded_masquerade]

Thanks to everyone who commented, I was letting my negative mindset run wild last night, sometimes it feels like I’m someone else but I think it’s just my mindset that’s enhanced in those moments. I don’t like when I feel that way and often feel bad for feeling that way or having those thoughts. I’ll try to keep myself busy and find more productive things to do but I glad I made this post, I’m beginning to slowly but surely feel a bit better. Thank you everyone, truly ☺️

[mvillarreal]

I'm sorry to hear your struggling with feelings you label "negative" right now. In all fairness, this is a weird time, and a lot of people are not in a good place right now. I noticed you mentioned how it's hard not to be "negative" because of "everything you've been through." Have you experienced something traumatic by chance? Is there anyone helping you process through the trauma?

[Kkakdugi]

I am on the same boat! When I see myself being negative I usually tries to figure out what caused it. And it’s usually the news. I stopped paying attention to the news for awhile and it helped. But then recently I got back to paying attention to the news.....but yes this forum is great to vent.