Hopelessness

I've struggled with depression and anxiety most of my life. I have managed relatively well for many years. But the last couple of years brought new challenges; many new, unexpected challenges, and I've found myself at a dead end. I don't have any family, no close friends and work from home. I feel totally alone. My world has shrunk and feel hopeless that anything will get better. I take meds, talk to a therapist and have reached out to people but I still feel hopeless. I don't know what else to do and I'm scared.

I have no plans to hurt myself and never have. But I do feel despair because it seems like there's nothing that will help.

[QCuriosa]

Mary I read you and hear you. I know you feel alone and from my own experience it is an overwhelming feeling but we can find ways to cope with those feelings. Depression makes us see everything as black or white and I know there are other hues in life.

Have you considered joining an organization where you can volunteer so that you get to work with and around other people? It is helping me little by little feel less lonely.

What kind of work do you do?

Share your challenges if you feel like it!

[Hidden in reply to QCuriosa]

I have. I have panic attacks and often feel weird sensations in my body that are frightening. I don't want to experience them in public or in places where I do not know anyone or feel safe. Doctors do not help. Right now, I'm trying to figure this piece out. I'm just scared I never will because as soon as I seem to make progress, something happens (and I often don't know what the trigger is), and I'm back dealing with the symptoms again.

Psychologically, the more I try to "problem solve," the worse it gets. So I feel stuck, terrified, alone, embarrassed, ashamed, etc. And then I get even more depressed when I think about the state of my life. I don't know anyone going through this.

[jjpeabody]

Hi MarySunshine 1982, it sounds like your medication and therapy may not be working, it's not uncommon that either would need to be changed. I assume you are addressing the "many new, unexpected challenges" in therapy as you should. I live alone also and it can be easy to get caught up in your own world so to speak as I do sometimes. I find that "action" really helps, even just getting up and cleaning house, small areas at a time. I like a daily to-do list (whether I completely stick to it or not), it gets the juices flowing and seems positive and meaningful in it's own right. I think exercise, diet, and seeking healthy weight and appearance is a critical goal. I have exercise bike in house that is amazing whether for 10 minutes or 30, but getting outside and walking and also a shopping mall or flea market is fun. I would keep a daily journal, it can be tough, but in that you can start with writing done positive things and negative things in your life, and what "actions you" can take to address the negative and embrace the positive. Accept what you cannot change and change what you can. You can find a meaningful life in positive action, hopelessness and inaction is not an option. I like church too but don't let the mystical and things I don't understand stop me, I focus on the many good things and people I meet and take away what I like from it. YouTube free tv app is amazing with an infinite amount of topics, history, planet earth documentaries etc, just search it for any topic. Like the weather some days are cloudy and others are sunny with many in between, but it is positive action that will persevere. Good luck, MarySunshine1982.

[Hidden in reply to jjpeabody]

Thanks and I do not mean to be unkind, but this is precisely the kind of response that is not helpful.

[jjpeabody]

No problem MarySunsine1982, my post was meant to be helpful based on my experience and definitely not intended to be unkind. I would not post anyone seeking help with an intent to be unkind. I will not post you again. Good luck and take care

[Hidden in reply to jjpeabody]

Thank you. I did not think you were unkind. I just wanted to let you know that your response was unhelpful.

Consider that most of what you've suggested is likely something the person has heard before and/or tried. I certainly have.

I have never engaged in a space like this and I was hesitant precisely because I feared getting advice like this. At the same time, I don't know what else I can expect. This is just another thing I am trying.

I guess if I think about what I do want is some connection. I would hope to find some kind of community or space where the struggles I describe are normalized not because they're good but because they're real and part of our lives. I don't know if anyone knows how to engage with them like that.

[b1b1b1 in reply to Hidden]

I think everyone here understands depression and loneliness, so in that sense, they are "normalized." The difference is that this is not a good or enjoyable "normal," so everyone here tries to change so as to have a happier life. Church, whether or not you are religious or not, offers a lot of social activities, and as jjpeabody suggested, may be helpful. Then there is therapy, antidepressants and a good medical checkup. Unfortunately, there is no magic remedy and the list of things that can be helpful is limited. I think you have to ask yourself whether or not you really want change. I wish you well.