From no contact to slow repair

[JustJules89]

In February I made a stupid mistake to cut out a very important friend. I own it was impulsive and stemmed from a lot of issues in a former friend group. I reached out immediately to try and fix it, we went no contact for almost a month and recently - they readded me. We haven't really spoken but I'm taking it as a sign they still want this friendship too.

We have played some games together (our old pass time) w/o voice which I understand because they are still hurting too and this will take a lot of work to rebuild this friendship.

Though it has caused a loooot of anxiety for me. Mainly because I do not know when we'll engage or if one day I'll wake up to A: a message saying they have decided to not go forward with rebuilding or B: they are just gone or, (me trying to find the grey zone) we start engaging more and really work on getting back on track.

Its still painful as all heck not talking to them everyday. I know its going to be a while before we get there again.

This is more just me getting things out of my head so I can try and keep moving forward during all of this.

[Dolphin14]

JustJules89

I hope things work out the way you want them to.

We have no control over other people's choices. It's so hard when things like this happen

🐬

[blackcat64013]

Hi JustJules,Some things can't go back to the way they were in an instant.

Dolphin is correct about not being in control of other people's thoughts and actions.

Keep being positive and engaging with this person as often as you can. I am sure things will work out for the better in the long run.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

Well they are being engaging so that is a good start. Respect their boundaries and don't try to rush things. Even though I know its really hard because you want to tell them all about what happened, that you're sorry and try to make up for lost time. But they need to heal too.

So hopefully they will eventually open up to you and you 2 can take it from there in slowly regaining this person's trust back.

But if they chose not to be your friend anymore. As much as that would be painful, you'll understand that is their choice. Just take it as a lesson. Don't beat yourself up. We are human and make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes can be costly but they don't have to define who you are as a person. You have grown a lot in that time from February.

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

[Hidden]

I'm going through similar things right now. My best friend in the world left me very recently, and doesn't want to talk outside of obligations we both have that they can't avoid. We played games together almost daily, and in an episode before they left i unfriended them and it's been such a weight on me ever since. I can't even bring myself to play the game.

I messaged them tonight during a moment of weakness and anxiety asking them if they would be willing to play with me, even without voice chat, and with whoever they want to bring... but they didn't respond to it. It hurt, a lot... but I'm respecting the boundaries they are putting up...and trying not to stress until I'm told what they feel or think because it's not fair to react to that I think they want.

The fact that they added you back I would definitely view as a positive step, but like others have said... respect the boundaries, and don't try to rush to what you used to have. It might not ever be the same, they may decide to cut contact again, but those are not your current reality so you probably shouldn't worry. Focus on the now, and trying your best, because they're trying their best and it was brave of them to add you back.

[JustJules89]

I'm doing my best to let them lead how they want things to go. My therapist even said it's a great sign that I'm holding back. There are times where I want to give in to my old habits and message all the time to try and rebuild conversation and such but now I know it would more than likely cause them to walk away. As much as I am dying for more contact, I have to let them lead.

My main focus now is to try and keep my thoughts positive and not give in to my usual predicting the worst. Even tonight I caught myself going "Oh it's this and this" but did my best to look at it from the other side, or middle.

And as you all have said the fact they have readded and made small moves to engage is a good sign.

Gawd healing is hard but I'm proud of myself for even the small gains.