Working with depression AND an upsetting situation at the same time. WHEW! (Wish it were easier).

I'm working hard on doing all the right things to manage increasing depression and doing pretty well.

Today I had to deal - again - with a disrespectful situation where folks made a decision without even asking that is both inconvenient and makes more work for me. Usually I let that slide because "nice". This time I didn't. The 'change back, shame based messaging' was really tough to deal with.

On the bright side, they now know that they've been pissing me off for a long time by ignoring what their choices mean for me. I don't know that it will make much difference because I'm actually fairer about it than they are, but I'm also still angry that I get shamed for being mad about the disrespect.

It really exacerbated the depression.

I suspect that even knowing how much extra difficult work their choices are going to make for me is not going to work in my favor.

Right now, I'm mad, and thinking "If you can't bother to engage me in decisions, don't look to me for free work while you go on holiday. Or even if you don't."

I really want to be liked, but apparently putting up with disrespect and going out of my way to be of service isn't getting that for me. In fact, my depression status has already been used to shame me, twice. What part of "Now you don't want to lose that friendship by pushing back" is even a fair thing to say?

What about my friendship, such as it is? Why should I have to be the footstool.

Guys, I'm so mad and sad tonight. I know others suffer more than I do.

I've just worked so hard to be a team player, go the extra mile when it doesn't benefit me. Now it's not only normalized, its being expected of me.

How mean and thoughtless is THAT?

[FearIsALiar]

I know this isn’t much but please know everything will be okay and everything will work out. Sorry you’re dealing with this.

[Hidden in reply to FearIsALiar]

Thanks. That may simply be what I need to hear to get it together.

[FearIsALiar in reply to Hidden]

❤️

[Hidden in reply to FearIsALiar]

Today I'm going to stop trying so hard. Instead of putting energy into making things easier for the people who blow me off, I'm going to put that energy into doing something creative (for me) and checking in with others who treat me better. I may even suggested a quick socially distanced sketch trip for this week!

[FearIsALiar in reply to Hidden]

That is awesome! Proud of you 😁

[Hidden]

Hello again I think it's better for us to let off steam at people that aren't respectful appreciative etc or it will fester, and as I build things up it starts to make me feel I'll my heart feels more pounding I feel tense and short tempered it causes inner stress on our insides hence more unhappiness we owe it to ourselfes to love and nurture ourselfes we are special we need to be our own best friends I hope you feel better soon hope the s a d lamp helps you through this too and yes forget them idiots that piss you off there not worth it focus on doing what you enjoy look after yourself 🤗have a few treats too

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

ooh, treats! I just made some pear and apple sauce tonight. might be good on a pancake.

I did let myself continue to be mad instead of apologizing, and I got an apology. A first! The decision still stands, in fact it was implemented when I got there, but I suspect they may be more careful.