Relationships are Difficult

Hi, I'm kinda worried for myself/the people I have relationships with. I've had some not as great friends as a youth and it impacts me today by:

I'm friends with someone for many months to a year, and all it can take is them not talking/responding for about a couple weeks to a month and I end the friendship right there because I'm too terrified of them now. I get paranoid and convince myself they're ignoring me on purpose because they don't like me and don't want to be friends anymore and was waiting for me to take the hint (it's happened to me multiple times before where a friend did this or let me down). I know this isn't true a lot of the time and just a bit ago I'm lucky my friend talked me down cuz I was freaking out and about to cease friendship with about 7 people out of 10 that night.

I've never dated someone before solely because I'm too scared to or of the even heavier expectations and judgments that would be made. I feel unsafe talking to both my parents and therapist really because all I can feel on the back of my neck is dread of judgement and being forced into doing something I'm not ready for or getting into an argument. I just don't know if there's any good way to try to resolve this, especially in this climate.

Please let me know if you have any suggestions. I know I talk a lot and if you read the whole thing, tysm! Anything's appreciated

[Tbowler]

I recently went through something similar to where I was pushing people away. I came to realize that I had unresolved resentment toward my parents for not lying to me as a kid so I found flaws in people’s stories and ran my feelings on that.

Once I realized that, I gave forgiveness to them (although they probably still wondered why I’d need to forgive them) and the wait has been lifted off my shoulders and I’m able to forget my past to live in the present and not let it effect me.

Perhaps, something happened subconsciously that you hid away regarding abandonment? So you may feel like your friends are abandoning you so you just cut the ties before you get hurt more?

[Hidden in reply to Tbowler]

Probably. I was basically ignored by my two closest friends start of middle school until I either got the hint or they wrote me a letter saying they didn't wanna be friends anymore. I mean I think you're right, I'm just not quite sure how to treat this exactly, ya know?

[Tbowler in reply to Hidden]

Well personally I’m finding that the past is hurting my current relationships, so I bought a journal and wrote down what hurt me and why I was holding it in for so long and the weight off my shoulders was lifted from that, and in order to live in the present you have to forgive your past or else it will just be constantly on your mind and you won’t be able to move forward. It is hard, trust me, but I have been feeling a lot better from that instance because of it, it may not work for you as it did for me. I still have a long way to go of growth but I started there to be able to work on the other things.

Quarantine and not being able to see people isn’t helping either. I’ve been in my mind and feelings a lot since being alone.

[Hidden]

Sometimes I don't respond for months and I'm grateful that my friends understand why I am the way I am, some people are not talkers, I love being a loner so, too much conversation drains me and I'll disappear from time to time, I'm bad at staying in touch, your friends might be the same way, I love my friends but I need my loneliness from time to time

[Rachel2535]

I used to guard myself very fiercely. I was hurt before and didn’t want to ever be hurt again so I pushed people away. Thats healthy that you recognize it. But the only way to work through it is to get the help you need. Therapists don’t judge they only help. Anyway who are we to judge we all have our individual issues. One of the most helpful books for me was Love is a Choice by Meier, Hemsfelt and Minirth. Praying for you and you don’t give up and work through this -Rachel

[Hidden]

Thanks everyone, this has all really helped! Ig I just need to get a better grasp of people. Hope everyone's well!