It's a lifelong story.

[MistyBlueAster]

I have suffered from extreme anxiety my entire life.

From a very early age when I first started school, my parents had to separate me in kindergarten class from my sister because we would not talk or interact with anyone else. After separation, I would not enter my class unless my teacher came out into the hallway and walked me into the room.

In 2nd grade, I had so much anxiety when they started spelling and reading, I ended up saying I was sick all the time so I would not have to participate. My parents had a teacher conference and they finally were able to determine the cause. I was given a classroom accommodation to exit the class anytime I needed when feeling overwhelmed. Back then, they didn't call this anxiety.

At one point in my pre-teen life, I developed a really bad flu with high fever. This caused heightened anxiety in me and I struggled for a long time after this. The symptoms I had during the flu were unusual and included night terrors and hallucinations.

Moving forward in life, it was a struggle. I didn't understand why I was different. Most of the time I was described as overly shy or afraid. I fell into this stereotype not realizing until my 20's when I started to investigate more for myself on why I was so different. During this stage of life, I want to fit in and I knew I was very different. I would barely go anywhere by myself because my anxiety was so bad. That is when I found an online group in the early days of online chat platforms. I joined an agoraphobia/anxiety group online so I could chat with similar people. One of my monikers was Raggedy Ann. I loved this platform because it opened up a world of acceptance and understanding for me.

I learned about anxiety and what it does to an individual. I was finally coming to terms with my condition and I knew I was not just shy or afraid. This was a real condition and understanding this allowed me to start building coping mechanisms for myself. I learned that anxiety is the condition, but shy or being afraid is actually a symptom of the condition. Both shy and fear can get worse while having anxiety, but they are not actually the same as anxiety. I learned about the serotonin levels thought to change when having anxiety.

Over the years, my condition never goes away. It is constantly with me like a best friend.

I have developed PTSD like symptoms from having anxiety. This is when I experience anxiety for no reason at all. I have come to the conclusion that I am being triggered without realizing how or why. A sound, smell or event will trigger me to have anxiety due to a past anxious event I went through. I can't pin point the triggers when this happens.

During anxiety my body goes through so much discomfort. Full body sweats, severe blushing, breathing changes, and the feeling of pending doom or dread are some of the things I have experienced. During this, I typically want to flee the situation or combat it. This is common to have a flight or fight response when in heightened anxiety. It is what people use to survive very stressful situations. When you have anxiety though it is out of wack and can present anytime.

I am also a sufferer of severe migraines now which I ultimately believe are a result of my anxiety. The doctors have not been able to find an exact cause. It can be hormones, anxiety, stress, allergies or a combination of all of this. I am leaning mostly toward anxiety because I know anxiety and stress can be very damaging to your health.

My condition has held me back in my career, in social life and relationships.

I feel as though I have been passed over many times in my career because I don't fit the more outgoing or out spoken personality types. I am much more reserved and too myself and many times it is due to my anxiety. I did not believe in medication for anything on a regular basis until I started having the migraines. In all of the jobs I have held, my employers did not assist or help by recognizing my condition and so it has been a challenge. I have used accommodation techniques in other ways growing up though as I mentioned when I was able to. My biggest support structure has been my sister who is also a sufferer.

I am currently in a job trying to seek ADA accommodation due to my anxiety. They have been working with me, but not at the level I feel they should.

Well, that is a quick summary. I am glad I found this support group.

[LoveforAll41]

Welcome MistyBlueAster! I am glad to have you hear and I am glad you have made it this far. Are you currently in counseling to try to get feeling better? Have you tried meds in the past for anxiety? What kind of accomodation do you expect from work?

I am currently in therapy and started on lurasidone about 40 days ago...☮️

[MistyBlueAster in reply to LoveforAll41]

Good morning,

I am not in counseling. I am currently on medication for both anxiety and migraines.

Most of the preventative migraine medication has not worked for me. I continue to have between 6-9 migraines per month. I take a reactive medication which usually works. Most of these occur while I am sleeping. Not sure the cause, however I believe it's my body responding to anxiety. Over the years, my anxiety presents in my body in odd ways. The migraines cause at least 2 days disruption if not more to sleep each time. That is just too many days per month. My neurologist wants to put me on Botox for migraines. It's going to cost about $2000 per shot. That is about $8000 per year. This is with insurance. My out of pocket will kick in and so I will pay about 1/3 or 1/2 of that. Too much.

Over my life, for treatment, the accommodations used to treat my anxiety are very much like cognitive behavioral therapy. They help distract from what is happening during anxiety. The pass I was given in 2nd grade was away for me to exit and be distracted while suffering which helps get the mind off of the disruptive path of anxiety. Well, the problem with this is getting up to leave brings unwanted attention and also causes anxiety. It doesn't work every time of course and in many situations I'd start avoiding things in life so I wouldn't have to go through these feelings. That is no way to live of course.

The worst is no one understands and I'm not going to sit an explain it to everyone I come in contact with. It's too exhausting. I'm already exhausted just from the anxiety and migraines. I'm tired of dealing with this and no one at work, social or else understands. I do have home support because I have several family members who also suffer from anxiety.

My employer didn't take my accommodation request serious. The 1st response to me was a rejection because they said they can't eliminate an essential role of the job. The HR representative didn't understand the actual role. I explained it to them in great detail by disputing and proving I was only requesting the tool I use for the essential role be changed. I also proved the role wasn't really essential in the way she was trying to imply. I also proved my manager was already accommodating the entire team all year as they saw necessary having us help doing other EE's essential roles when they needed us too. So, that alone shows the essential factor can't be used. If it was essential, they wouldn't be able to have everyone do it that easily. That is because the ADA law says they look at the real actions being done in the job to determine essential. So, I told them I am disputing wanting them to honor my very 1st request because they kept trying to change my request to other types of accommodations. They just ignored this dispute request. I also made the point that they moved me to a temporary position (not my normal role) which was making me do the very thing I asked for the accommodation on 100% more of the time than I do regularly on my normal role 10%. So, I asked them to move me out of that immediately. They finally agreed to that but not for another 1 1/2 weeks. What? Why the delay? The ADA law says any action like this can be considered retaliatory because I had already asked for the accommodation before they moved me to this position. To me, this is just how to world has always treated disabilities they can't see. I have to fight instead of it being done. I've already been held down in my career over my entire life due to my disability and when I actually try to use the ADA process to help me, it is also a fight. Exhausted.

I don't want to interact with normal people anymore. I know this is the wrong way to be, but it's how I have been treated my entire life. I have conversations with my sister often. What if the tables were turned and they had to do what I have to do?

I joined this support group because I am just tired of no one understanding. I am fed up. I am at my wits end.

I hope your medication is working for you. How long have you been a member here?

[LoveforAll41 in reply to MistyBlueAster]

I am so sorry that work is so rough. I have a lot of issues around money so any work stuff wildly exacerbates my anxiety. I am moving to a new job in a couple weeks with worse hours and lower pay because of this in two weeks, but I think I will be happier.😁

With the botox shots would one be enough to see if they have an effect? I hate migraines, I get the blurry vision and numbness, oof. I can't imagine getting them that many times a month 😥. I get them from severe stress/anxiety or artificial sweeteners.

I think therapy is the be all end all for me, when I have really good therapy sessions I can feel so free. Ketamine assisted therapy has really helped me. We all have our own stuff that works though, which is frustrating and great at the same time.

Are you a fan of self help books? I find I like those too 🤷‍♂️

[MistyBlueAster in reply to LoveforAll41]

With Botox, I didn't notice much improvement after one round of treatment.

Someone else mentioned this book in their thread: Carol Dweck, and her book Mindset. I plan to get this and read. I am always looking at self help also because over the years, there hasn't been much help out there honestly.

Consistent therapy may help. I also want to start consistent massage therapy for my migraines. I've done physical therapy with some traction therapy and some massage to help alleviate tension and body stress.

Sharing ideas is great!

[LoveforAll41 in reply to MistyBlueAster]

There is one user on here that has a vagus nerve implant. I wonder if that would be useful for migraines...

I will look up that book!