It's Hard

[BG298]

I was sitting in class today and my teacher began to talk about suicide and the students who attempt suicide, or succeed at doing so, are facing issues that seem to affect them mentally but have a connection to their physiological nature. I sat in my seat very uncomfortably (since I attempted suicide early summer '18). I began to pinch my skin while I was seated and I felt like an outcast, even though most people didn't even notice how uncomfortable I was. I don't exactly know why I felt that way because I absolutely feel as though the issue should be addressed and worked on but I don't feel comfortable being in a scene where it is being discussed because I realise that I am an outlier in this society of what people want to call "healthy" humans. It's difficult to understand me, it is difficult to express who I am without mentioning the depression or the anxiety, so I tend to isolate myself. It seems better like that, but sometimes I wish I had someone in my age group (17-19) who I could talk to... I wish I had someone who understood me and my deep wounds of depression and anxiety. I put on this face of bravery, but I am slowly weakening in motivation and drive. Life is being sucked out of me.

[bridder01]

Healthy is a relative term. What may be healthy for you may not work for someone else. You know yourself better than anyone else. We all relate to things differently, as well. Don't beat yourself up over it. What's important is acknowledging how you feel and accepting it. Above all, just be yourself. If you can't be you, who else can you be?

[AZ1970]

I get the same way when people discuss suicide or trauma. You are not alone. I bet there were others in your class feeling the same way. Keep on your path of wellness. You are braver than you know!

[LovelySnow]

Although I am older than you, I have had those same thoughts and feelings! "It's difficult to understand me...so I tend to isolate myself." But I know there are caring people out there. I am glad you write on here! We can support you and share experiences. But I think this is important to keep in mind: I don't think people don't need to completely understand us in order to care about us or love us. CAN they understand us exactly? No, not unless they have been through depression themselves. But I would take a caring person/friend who tries to understand over one who understands but doesn't care. I hope that makes some sense! We're here for you in the meantime!

[fauxartist]

I think your better understood just by anyone who suffers with anxiety and depression, and this whole site is full of people of all ages that do. It's one thing that does not discriminate....it does not play favorites....it inflicts anyone in it's path. It is not your fault, and there is no particular reason to feel sad or lonely, it's this disease. It's a chemical imbalance in the brain...along with other influences. Your very right that most people don't understand it, or want to hear about it because they have their own problems and issues. The people in our world are far from normal....a lot of people put on a brave face, or mask their own issues...but I think a lot more are sicker than their denial will admit. Most people don't care about us, or would really even give us a second though... we feel isolated because of our disease deceiving us, and bringing us emotionally down to despair.

Many here have been or are too where you are....at some point in our lives we too have battles suicidal thoughts, and even attempted it. But here...you can talk about all this stuff and no one is going to turn away, or judge you, or preach to you.....I am glad your here.

[Lazy_dog_lover]

First of all, you we're so brave to sit through it. I am a teacher and had a student in a similar situation. Unfortunately, there may be many more students in that classroom who are also similar to you, but no one knows. You are not an outlier. You are you.

Have you ever asked your counselor to start a teen group that meets in school to be a support group for each other? They would set confidentiality rules and behavior rules to make it a safe place.

Try to find 1-2 friends so you are not feeling so isolated, and don't worry about the large cliques.

You are not alone.

[Indigojoe]

In the Army there is a saying that goes, " if you are having trouble with your communication on your radio, assume it is on your side and look for the solution". When I heard that, it was a relief.

IF nobody understands you, how well do you understand yourself?

IF you don't feel comfortable being in a situation,

THAT is a challenge, for you to learn how to become comfortable with a conversation that you don't like.

Focus your efforts on getting to know who and what you are about.

AND get an old fashioned journal and a PENCIL and start writing.

How much do you really know about yourself? You are very young.

Simple questions and answers.

Do I like Chocolate ice cream or Strawberry?

What do you like, what makes you happy, what colors are your favorite?

Do you like a rainy day a snowy day, sunny and hot, sunny and cold???

This is on you to get to know YOU.

Explore every belief you have about what books you like and why, who are your favorite protagonists in the books and what do you admire or dislike about them and why.

DO the work.

You would have had a page or two about how your class went, and what your thoughts and feeling were about the topic.

BE the great explorer in your life OF your life.