Panic disorder?

[Purplepeonies]

Hi everyone,I'm new here, I joined because I'm feeling so scared and alone and just really want to talk to others who have possibly gone through/are going through the same thing.

I think i might have an anxiety and/or panic disorder.

I have suffered with anxiety and depression for several years now (I was taking sertraline but I came off of it because I was scared it was causing heart palpitations, which are being investigated) and actually thought I was doing ok - but in november (2024) I started to feel my heartbeat very prominently (like a pounding but not racing) feeling very lightheaded, nauseous and fatigued. I have fibromyalgia too so I gave it the benefit of the doubt, until Christmas eve when I was kept awake most of the night with a pounding and racing heart, so thought I better get checked out. Since then things have gradually gotten worse, I'm having these symptoms daily, sometimes for hours, and at least once a day it feels like a full blown panic attack where I'm convinced I'm going to die, pounding heart, dizzy, nauseous, pins and needles in my hands, chest pain, cannot think straight, etc. It always passes eventually but honestly, I wake up every day amazed I'm still alive. I am genuinely scared to sleep and I don't sleep until 5/6am when I'm too exhausted to keep my eyes open. I have to sleep practically sat up because if I lie flat my heart starts pounding.

The rest of the time it just feels like a very strong heartbeat, feeling lightheaded and nauseous. When I stand up or sit down my heart races a bit. I've also developed stomach problems where I can't eat much or my heart races and blood pressure drops sometimes.

My stomach always hurts or feels really full even though I can barely eat. I have a constant "full" feeling in my chest too.

So far I've had 2 chest xrays which are all clear, 4 ECGs which all looked normal, blood tests which don't show anything wrong, calling an ambulance out due to pain in my left arm and chest, a trip to the emergency department (which at least told me my heart wasn't struggling, even though it feels like it is) and a 24hr heart monitor that I'm awaiting results for because of the palpitations.

I'm just absolutely desperate now, but am so worried about going back on medication even though I know I will likely have to. I'm worried there's something wrong with my heart, that the doctors are missing something, and I'm worried about everything I'm putting in to my body. I don't smoke, drink alcohol or caffeine. I don't even like taking painkillers. I have anxiety/worry about every little thing and am always acutely aware of everything my body is doing and i'm scared for my life. I am always googling my symptoms and wondering if it could be this or that.

Everyone keeps telling me I will be ok but I'm struggling to believe them.

Has anyone else experienced this? I feel like things will never improve. The logical part of my brain is telling me it's anxiety and panic, as all tests have been normal so far, but it's hard to listen to that part when all of these physical symptoms are taking over my life and I feel so unwell 24/7.

[Dolphin14]

Purplepeonies

Welcome to the community

I'm glad you are getting the medical workup to rule out something serious with your heart. It's important to not make assumptions until medical conditions have been evaluated.

Many people do not like meds. In the beginning of my illness I needed meds to get through the panic. I'm still on meds but have more coping skills to use.

Are you in therapy? I needed that in order to learn how to overcome the fear of panic

Many people here are going through what you are. I think you will find some good support,

🐬

[Purplepeonies in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you so much for replying, No, I'm not in therapy but do think it may be needed at this point as I'm not coping at all. I will be calling the doctors today, hopefully someone will be available to talk to me about everything. I'm just so terrible at talking about my feelings and advocating for myself!

I'm really worried meds will make me feel worse, back when I first contacted the doctors about this they suggested I take duloxetine, so I took one but it made me feel so strange and scared that I have refused to take any more. I know I probably need meds to get this under control but it's such a vicious cycle of anxiety over the damage they could do to me. It's exhausting to be honest, but I'm so desperate for this all to stop now. I have children that need me and are worried about me and I don't want to put them through that.

I really appreciate you taking the time to reply, thank you.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Purplepeonies]

It's perfectly fine to go the no med route if it works.

Maybe speaking with the doctor will help you settle a bit.

It is very exhausting and believe me there are so many people here that understand your situation completely

Just remember you are not alone

[Purplepeonies in reply to Dolphin14]

I'm so glad I joined this forum as it has already helped just talking to people who understand what it's like. Today I was prescribed diazepam and escitalopram which I am forcing myself to take because I'm absolutely desperate. I hope I haven't made the wrong choice. 😔

[mydogs]

Hello and welcome,reading your post was if I had written it word for word except I won’t go for any check ups because my health anxiety and depression could not take the worry of waiting for results.You have had all the tests and examination’s all with favourable results I wish I had the same I would be so grateful I can’t say don’t worry because I am worried and scared 24/7 can’t eat much and suffer terrible insomnia but I hope people on this site can give you more re-assurance please take care and feel free to write to me Good luck .P

[Purplepeonies in reply to mydogs]

I am so sorry you're struggling with the same thing, it is nice to know I'm not the only one but I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, it is so terrifying all the time. I just want it all to stop. Even though so far my tests have come back normal my anxiety takes over and I'm convinced they're missing something and I'm seriously unwell. I'm usually a very intuitive person and my instinct has rarely failed me so I'm just constantly trying to convince myself I'm wrong which in itself feels wrong! I'm just so confused and desperate and every day is a battle. Thank you so much for replying to me, it means a lot as I've not been able to speak to anyone who understands and have felt so alone with this.

[Agora1]

Hi Purplepeonies and Welcome to an encouraging and safe community. Just as "mydogs"

stated, while reading your post, I expected to see my name Agora1 at the end. Yes dear,

I struggled as you are, having a team of doctors and yet feeling as if they were truly

missing something. Oh I sought out many doctors but as long as I went in and out of

Panic and Anxiety attacks, my fears continued.

Fibromyalgia and Agoraphobia were just 2 more issues to add to my list of symptoms.

We may not be therapists or doctors but our words to you come from our own experiences.

Maybe I can help you some by giving you an explanation as to where the anxiety and panic

come from. First of all, don't refer to Dr. Google, that will just confuse you more . Your

doctors who know your case history are the ones to believe. The thing is that they're

saying that your tests are normal isn't enough for us to accept unfortunately.

Oh Purplepeonies, if I could save you from unnecessary years of worrying, I would be

happy to do that.

You took the first step today in going forward towards your goal in feeling better.

Through accepting that Anxiety is not life threatening is a start.

I'm happy that you are here with us. Ask questions and continue to interact with us.

The more you know, the easier it will become for you.

I will end by saying...Yes I did overcome all you are struggling with. I left Anxiety far

behind and got my life back. You've only just begun but know that you can win in the

end...The beautiful Rainbow is waiting for you. Believe in that xx

[Purplepeonies in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much for your kind words, I cried reading them, I just feel so trapped and scared right now.I'm so glad you've managed to overcome your anxiety, it gives me hope for myself.

Today I was prescribed diazepam and escitalopram to try and get this under control, but I'm still feeling very much on edge and my heart feels funny. I have had two very strong ectopic heart beats tonight that have scared me to no end, but I spoke to a physician through 111 and he said it's very unlikely they're dangerous.

I'm just so absolutely fed up of this, my children are worried and I am terrified I'm going to die and leave them without a mother. That's my biggest fear. ☹️

How did you get through it? I'm struggling to concentrate on anything like mindfulness as I'm just too anxious.

[Agora1 in reply to Purplepeonies]

Purplepeonies, Knowing how our body behaves under stress, you will find the reasons

behind the physical symptoms. You were prescribed 2 good medications by your

doctor but you must give it time to work. Diazepam can work faster than the

Escitalopram which will reach full efficacy within 4-6 weeks. Dosages may need

to be adjusted along that time line. Your doctor knows and understands your

health history. Work closely with the doctor as well as therapist.

I became my own advocate. I didn't listen to people's horror stories and learned

not to share my symptoms outside a group that didn't understand/

I used YouTube as a learning center in finding methods and tools I could use

to enhance the medication. For me, Meditation and checking my Breathing

were the essential tools that helped me tremendously. It helps calm down our

nervous system allowing adrenaline to lower. Breathing properly is important

as we can tend to over breathe or hold our breath when fearful.

Also, hydration is very important during the day. Water can help allow the

blood to flow more freely, eliminating or reducing the irregular beats. Hydration

provides the oxygen that our heart needs to pump properly.

Stay in touch with your doctor and you'll be okay. 4-6 weeks may feel like an

eternity but know that the results are well worth waiting for. My best to you xx

[Purplepeonies in reply to Agora1]

I'm not sure if it's the same where you are, but I've never spoken to the same doctor twice, so I have to keep repeating things over and over and hope that I get a doctor who knows what's best for me. For example one doctor checked my heart, found an arrhythmia and wasn't keen on giving beta blockers due to my heart rate being quite low as it is (normal resting rate for me is in the 60s) Since then 2 different doctors have tried to suggest beta blockers and I've had to tell them they would be bad for me.

I haven't experienced any consistency so far and it's really frustrating and a worry that each doctor doesn't know every detail, but i will continue on and keep trying to advocate for myself.

I have been drinking more water in the hope that it helps, the breathing is something I'm working on as I struggle to regulate it.

I'm really hoping the medication helps. Fingers crossed!

Thank you for reaching out and giving advice, I appreciate it so so much.