Now What?!…

[Kalilrosee]

Hello,

I have been reading posts and trying to get comfortable to share my story but my story is so messy I don’t know where to start. I’m a 55 year old Disabled Veteran Aircraft Electrician/Mechanic and I loved my job. I grew up on a farm in the Midwest in the middle of nowhere and had no friends. No social life so joining the military was a life changer. I traveled and dated but my naive young self got involved with an abusive husband. 10 years later I broke away and was single for 3 years. Drinking became an issue.

Back home in the Midwest I met a coworker, had my son and dealt with the problems from the past and got cheated on. Got divorced again and raised my son with borderline autistic mostly by myself. 2010 I quit drinking, started counseling dealing with depression, anxiety, PTSD, 2 failed marriages, a failed career, 2 miscarriage with no support.

With a lot of pushing the school system and his dad my son graduated High School with Honors in 2020.

I am so proud of him. The day he started college my dad died in his sleep and I didn’t get to say goodbye. My mom is doing okay. My son graduates this May and is ready to move on. The problem is I feel lost and lonely. Where do I fit in. I feel worthless. I have no reason to be here anymore. My son doesn’t want kids so no grandkids. I’m useless now.

[LazyXrayEyes2255]

Sorry, to hear that. Yes, my son is autistic and he can't have children. So, I feel terrible too. But you've made it so far. Supporting your son from distance, isn't option? You may still stay in contact? Now is the time to concentrate on you and your importance. You been through alot and now just live for yourself. Find a way, to love yourself and accept all that has happened to you and move on..... to your life. Do the things you love and care about what you will do in the next few years for yourself. Enjoy nature, garden or walks. Selfcare another importantthing to do to make yourself feel better about yourself. Even some therapy, counselling to move on with your life for you.

[optimismrus]

Kalilrosee, You are not useless. You've done a lot of work to move thru alcoholism, etc. That's not nothing! You've raised a successful son, and now you've temporarily lost your way. You've left a job you loved, and you are about to create a new identity. So glad you shared your pain - and I hope you feel better as a result. Random thought: Do you have a dog or cat? My two small dogs give me so much love. And they keep me grounded. Best wishes for your continued growth. 🥰

[RS1974]

You're story is one of survival and you need to proud of yourself for doing good inspite of difficult times. You're not useless it's just time you come up with a hobby or joining the community by volunteering or something.

[Aiyoo]

You are worthy. You are a child of God. Lots of people need help, you may consider volunteering to help the homeless, those with mental illnesses or other disabilities etc.