what do I do now?

[Frogeyes]

So I have very few people in my life that know about my struggles. One being my biggest supporter, my husband. I have been battling anxiety, depression, and panic for almost a year now and 3 months ago I was laid off. So needless to say my world has turned upside down.

My husband asked me to call for tire quotes for 2 vehicles. Ok pretty easy or so I thought. My first call I made was on speaker in front of my husband so he could hear the conversation as well. After getting off the phone my husband begins to yell at me for the way I asked for the quote and why didn’t I wheel and deal and ask for better pricing? So back story I was a purchasing manager so this is something that was within my wheelhouse. As soon as he started yelling and saying why didn’t you or why did you do this I totally shut down not even trying to defend myself. Even though his words weren’t that bad it was that I feel so vulnerable and crushed. I don’t want to let him in now and feel like he is no longer on my side. What do I do now that my biggest supporter has failed me?

[litethatnevergoesout]

I’m sorry that he was very critical of you. what he did was a bit insensitive. it’s hard to stand up for ourselves when we are already struggling and we feel like we are being attacked. he is your biggest supporter but shouldn’t be your only one. reaching out here was a good decision. Do you think you would be able to open a conversation with him when you feel a bit better and communicate with him how what he did made you feel?

[Frogeyes in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

Hi there, I did bring this up to him after a few days of me being distant towards him. He said he didn’t realize that what he said was mean or bad and he didn’t yell, he was just frustrated with me. I continued to be distant, even after the fact that I told him how hurt and belittled I felt he has still yet to apologize. I also now realize that I must be fighting some depression and will work on not being as sensitive as I am. I need to work on me and stop expecting from him. I feel like expectations kill relationships.

[1947treble]

Become your own biggest supporter or get support from a higher power.

[gajh]

Excellent point!!

[gajh]

I hope Frogeyes takes this to heart.

[1947treble]

That probably seemed harsh. The truth is I know where you're coming from. I have tardive dyskinesia and one of the symptoms is being really amped and high strung. I can't really control it. My wife often gets annoyed with me, and I don't like that I'm annoying either I already spend enough time upset over my mannerisms. I had to learn that I couldn't hang on her every word. If I took it to heart every time I would be absolutely miserable. I also had to talk to her multiple times about how bad she makes me feel. This started years ago and is still in progress. I just had to look for other people to go to and luckily I've found wholehearted and encouraging support elsewhere. I also now speak nicely to myself which makes all the difference.

[mizzou7016]

It doesn't matter what you did before....your husband had no right to belittle you like that.....if he had that big of an issue he should've handled the situation himself...otherwise it sounds to me like you handled it fine....you really need to talk to him and let him know....he can't "fix" it until he knows what happened.....

[Frogeyes in reply to mizzou7016]

Very true, thank you 😌

[LoveforAll41]

I agree with all above Frogeyes. If he listened the whole time he could have stepped in or done it himself. He also could have specified that he expected you to negotiate when he asked you to do the call. You can also ask for details with stuff like that. I am sorry your number one person let you down, I also think that you can tell him that he let you down. Hopefully he already knows you are feeling terrible.

[Hidden]

It sounds like you have two problems to deal with. The first is your relationship with your husband, as others have discussed in their responses. The second issue seems to be your own self-esteem or perhaps depression. This is something that you can work on by yourself or through therapy possibly with medication . I frequently recommend reading the book Feeling Great by David Burns as a good way to teach yourself, cognitive behavioral therapy and helping yourself to feel better.

[Frogeyes]

Thanks for keeping it real!! I will be doing the same. It’s not worth the trouble.

[Frogeyes]

snapsnap, you are correct after I was laid off my self-esteem went out the door, and I have noticed that I might be working with a bit of depression. 🙈

Thank ya for the book suggestion. 👍