breakup and feeling helpless

[healingkangaroo]

I recently got broken up with and she felt like my whole life. I planned everything to revolve around spending time with her. We hung out everyday. And now I’m sitting with my thoughts and feeling alone. I was in intensive therapy in the past and feel like I may need it again. I have a lot of work to do on myself but am feeling limited motivation to work towards a healthier lifestyle.

[gajh]

Hello and Welcome. If you are feeling like you may need intensive therapy again, I encourage you to do it. Do you have a therapist now?

[optimismrus]

You might also be going thru the "5 stages of grief", and therefore, feeling lousy makes a lot of sense. Grieving takes time and talking to your therapist is a good idea. Sorry you feel bad. You will move thru this. 🥰

[catsrock]

I am sorry about the break up. When these things happen, I ask myself - what can I learn from this and how will I do things differently next time? You sound very motivated to work on yourself - that's a good thing. I hope you find the help you need.

[linuxusr]

Hello healingkangaroo: I am sorry for this pain. I remember a girlfriend in the past who broke up with me after a year. I thought the relationship was going great and I was expecting it to continue indefinitely. Out of nowhere she dropped me like a lead balloon with no warning. I had not a single clue that this was coming. I cried so much. It took me ONE YEAR to get over this breakup. Now let me state explicity the main point: This event was NORMAL SUFFERING UNRELATED, although maybe magnified, by my anxiety and depression disorder. Being human is tough for anyone. You will not find a single person who says that being human is easy. The point is that there is much suffering in being human that does NOT require psychiatry because it is part of the normal human experience. Now, sometimes, if we cannot handle the "normal" human experience, then a special friend or therapy can be a big help. Food for thought. What do you think?

[Poodie]

Hi. I am sorry that you are suffering from a break up. Loss is so difficult and this kind of loss is one of the hardest to bear. Sometimes we do not want to spend our time grieving. We just want the hurting to go away.

But avoiding the feelings will not help. Find someone who understands and let yourself talk about what happened and how you feel. Don’t deny your feelings. That is the usual and customary advice and it does have merit. Writing about it in a journal can help.

However some advise is more geared toward getting your mind off of the person who broke up with you and moving on. I suffered a break up after 5 yrs of a very close and loving friendship. It was sudden with no warning or clue. This happened months ago and frankly I am still all over the place w my feelings. I find if I think about it a lot, I get depressed. So I try to think of myself and move forward. That does feel like the best thing for me sometimes so I vary between grief, along with anger too and then acceptance.

I guess what I am trying to say is you can not make yourself move forward without thinking about the loss sometimes also. It is a mixed bag of emotions including the shock and surprise that it happened, the anger and hurt from the rejection along with the sadness and regret about the loss. It is hard to feel so many different feelings so just give yourself time. I think most of us have gone through a broken relationship at some point and most of us more than once.

The ideal of meeting with the person and talking to them directly seems like the best solution to an amicable break up but that takes two very mature people. Even then, it is often impossible to make that happen.

So I have no definite solution for how to get over the pain. But in time you will get through this. It is part of being human. Try to enjoy what happiness you can now and at the same time continue to share and reach out to others re your feelings.

Best wishes to you. Take care of yourself. .