Strong onset of anxiety during holidays / racing mind / mind chatter

I lost my Mom to cancer 17 years ago when I was 25 and ever since the anxiety has always been worse around holidays and special events.

But these past 4 weeks the anxiety and whatever else this is has been on another level. I've been to several psychologists and asked them if I was mentally ill, and they ruled that out. Because like a lot of anxiety sufferers, we were born worriers and now we are in this vicious cycle of analyzing our scary symptoms to death. I was literally convinced I had schitzo or another unidentified mental illness and it took a lot of reassuring by a professional therapist to convince me otherwise.

It's like I have no control over my thoughts when these racing mind episodes happen and these random movie lines audio go off at random times. Best way to describe, there's a lot of white noise in my head. I also feel like at times I'm detached from my thoughts. Very scary. Then there's general anxiety/apprehension feeling in my chest for a few hours during the day that causes uneasiness. Honestly, there's more anxious mind symptoms but the racing thoughts/mind chatter freaks me out the most. When I say racing mind, it's like thoughts go off at 100mph. The inner voice mind chatter seems to not shut up either. And full disclosure, I was told by my therapist that my anxiety is "noisy". There's a lot of audio/white noise.

Eventually like with most of the symptoms, they do subside and there are times during the day over the past 4 weeks" where I feel normal and mind calms down" but they are very inconsistent.

There's always that fear "what if this is more than anxiety". What if I'm stuck like this forever. What if this is early stages of something?

I don't know if this is unresolved grief with my Mom. A chemical imbalance. A mental breakdown. Partly self-induced? Something beyond anxiety?

It's hard because I'm a bit of a hypochondriac and have illness anxiety. Especially after my Mom passed. So my immediate family just thinks this is just me being extreme and making this much worse than it is.

For those who suffered, would love your thoughts & feedback. Thank you!!!!

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For those who suffered, recovered and can relate...

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Let me also add. Full disclosure. Even when I was little. I saw a close friend. He was probably 11 at the time, pass away from brain cancer, before my Mom's diagnosis. And watching him go from healthy kid to a wheel chair debilitated me with fear. And I used to wake my Mom in the middle of the night, even before her own diagnosis saying "something feels funny" in my head. Not to jinx it, but I was convinced I had a brain tumor when I was only 10.

So my fears I guess you can say have always been deep rooted in my brain/mind. I guess it makes sense how the anxiety feeds on your subconscious deepest fears...

[NorwegianWood]

My situation is not the same but rather a generalised anxiety.

I wonder if mindfulness might be useful. Some time when you're feeling safe, sit quietly and allow yourself to feel whatever is going on and to experience whatever fears it brings up. Don't hide from them but relax into the sensations, allowing them to 'do their worst'. Usually the mind says that we are going to die or something terrible, but of course, that is not usually the case.

When you find that nothing happens, you'll be able to relax further into the sensations and to find that you're still okay. Repeated exposure to such feelings in a relaxed state may make a difference.

[SayNOtoPanic]

wow pizzamiavalley. Thanks for sharing and being so vulnerable. So sorry about the loss of your mother. The time passed, but not the grief or trauma that is permanently a part of you. If I can take a wild guess, it would be the health anxiety just brewed over these years and definitely could’ve started after losing her to illness. I lost a parent to illness. You’re more than your anxiety or the crap it does or the racing thoughts. I second Norwegian comment above to try mindfulness. Also deep breathing exercises inhale from nose exhale slow from nose. Do it a few times an hour to keep it routine. Think of mantras that are positive for you. It’s a lot sometimes but you’re not alone. Lifting you in prayer. 🙏🏻

[of_anxiety]

Hi. I don't know if I can help but I will try. First, let me say that I'm sorry you lost your mom to cancer at such a young age.

I never knew my father but I was told by a distant family member that he died at age 39 was I was only 15. Since I had no contact with him it didn't upset me too much. What did bother me most of my life was thinking that I would die around the same age. I worried about this constantly. They call that Health Anxiety.

You see, I have an anxiety disorder or more precisely I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia and Obsessive Thinking a form of OCD. I started developing symptom was I was around 16. After having several panic attacks, I was afraid I was going crazy and that I would lose control of myself. I began to be afraid to go places alone in case I went crazy and there would be no one to help me.

I had every medical test in the book as I thought this had to be something physical. All tests were negative so I found a psychotherapist (PhD). We worked together for about 1-1/2 years. Although therapy helped me with many issues, especially childhood issues, It did absolutely nothing for my anxiety, panic attacks and obsessive thinking. What I was reassured about was that I was not going crazy and that even though I felt like I was losing control, I never did. This helped for a while but later I began to doubt her feedback. So, I went to several other therapists, just to get reassurance again that I was not losing my mind.

For me, the obsessive thinking would get really scary and that would bring on the panic attacks. I read a really good book on the subject entitled Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schwartz, MD. Another helpful book was entitled The Imp of the Mind by Lee Baer, PhD.

I'm now in my late sixties and I still have this condition but I've learned to make peace with it, plus I found a psychiatrist who prescribes me medications that really helped me with minimal side effects, so I could fully function.

Anyway, I understand as best I can, what you are going through. I'm not a doctor or therapist but based on what you described as your symptoms, what you are experiencing is anxiety and nothing more. I'm not minimizing it but just trying to reassure you that you are not crazy.!

Also becoming a Christian, going to church and praying have helped me a lot. It also distracts me from my stinking thinking.

Anyway, I hope that my comments have helped you feel a little more reassured. I wish you a Happy New Year and peace of mind. Best wishes!

Darrell