Wanting to love myself

[Dot_]

I'm realizing something extremely terrible. I don't think i love myself or think that I deserve good love. It's feels so stupid to type that and admit it. I feel so empty when I'm on my own. And I keep cycling through people to give my love to. Either it's never enough or it's too much or just not wanted. I feel useless and purposeless without someone or something to pour into.

It's resulted in me being in this terrible stupid situationship that eats at me. This man says he loves me, but he doesn't. You don't verbally abuse someone you love, you don't dismiss someone's feelings or boundaries if you love them.

I'm struggling to leave this cycle. I want to. I'm slowly inching my way away. My friends watch painfully as I hurt over this being who routinely hurts me. I am slowly moving away from him within my heart and in my head. I might be slow like an iceberg, but soon enough I'll be free.

But then that leaves the true issue, my lack of self love. I want to love myself so badly. I want to believe I deserve good love. I hope good love finds me.

[Spud-u-Like1982]

Yet again, I feel as if that is something I wrote, as I'm like that. I keep reading things - some new agey and some not so much - that keep saying in order to attract the right love, you first need to love yourself. How can those of us who hate or resent ourselves, do that?People seem to find it strange that I'm single. When I mention it, I often get comments like "but you're really tall", as if that's going to mean I won't be single.

I definitely relate to that feeling of needing love and needing to love someone. I feel like I'm adrift in the ocean, completely alone, because I feel so unloved and lost. Having this mindset is so difficult, because it opens us up to being hurt and used.

[RS1974]

You're like me my first and second marriage were out of desperation and fear of being alone. You need to be ok with yourself and being alone.

[Coolgreys]

You are not alone in this! I think you’ve already taken the first couple steps and you’re doing great. You’re absolutely correct that your feelings and boundaries matter. Use that as your banner towards loving yourself and demand nothing less from others. It’s the most basic thing in a relationship that shows respect. I am learning and practicing in my own life. Good luck in the new year! 💪

[BonnieLassy]

Dear Dot. I’ve been where you are and, with respect, the approach you’re taking isn’t likely to work.

You can’t move slowly away from situations like yours or the people who abuse you will take advantage of every opportunity to get you back. You have to make a decision and then move with stealth and determination.

Everyone deserves to be loved and the people who get the love they deserve are the ones who are loving individuals and have love to give.

You sound to me like the sort of person who has bucketfuls of love ready for the right person. I’m sure that when this person turns up, you’ll enjoys a harmonious relationship.

Happy new year to you. 2025 is your year and you can make it happen. 😘

[Dot_ in reply to BonnieLassy]

Thank you, and I appreciate the honesty. And you're right. I have so much love i want to give. Although I really need to learn how to give it to myself 1st. That's a hard lesson to learn, but I'm try

[BonnieLassy in reply to Dot_]

Yes. And the best way to give that love to yourself is to walk away from people who abuse you and situations which cause you distress.

Be kind to yourself too. 😘

[casablancalover14]

Hi Dot, I have been in the same situation as you, some years back. My husband and I finally got divorced, and it took me a long time to say that I deserve love like others. We get into a rut, and it seems like its impossible to get out of, but hang in there, you can do it. You need someone to love you for you, just take it one day at a time. I am pulling for you! 🕊️🕊️🥰