Why am I scared to be happy? It's like I am not allowed.

[natstad8]

I'm scared if I'm too happy about something it will be taken away. When I'm smiling or happy my subconscious tells me what are you happy about? Your life still sucks. I feel stupid. Feels like good is not going to last. Or if I love something or someone it will end bad. I don't want to get hurt again.

[Erica-Leah]

have u always thought this way? i don't know what to say, but i'm giving you a hug right now.

[natstad8 in reply to Erica-Leah]

No. Just after a series of unlucky events. Loosing my husband, father, and caring for 4 kids alone made me this depressed anxious person.

[Erica-Leah in reply to natstad8]

I think anyone in the position u are in would feel the same. you have so many roles to play, each requiring huge amount of responsibility. I admire you for taking your responsibiliites seriously. I hope you have good friends you can talk with, those who listen and not judge and you are comfortable with them.

[natstad8 in reply to Erica-Leah]

Thank you. 🙂my best friends and "people" are my 2 cats. They don't judge. Trying to get s doggie now.

[Erica-Leah in reply to natstad8]

that would help, but maybe, human to human contact will give you more. Maybe, give people a chance to get close to you. having friends help.

I think also that having 4 children being cared for is an achievement. you should be proud of yourself!

[gogogirl in reply to natstad8]

So sorry to hear that. Wishing you well across cyberspace.

[Erica-Leah]

I have to go but I am giving you a tight hug. God bless u my friend.

[natstad8 in reply to Erica-Leah]

Thanks! Hugs to you too. Have a great day!

[Erica-Leah in reply to natstad8]

how are you today? I hope today is an okay day for you.

[natstad8 in reply to Erica-Leah]

It's a good day! I was busy with back to school shopping, did my hair and even went to Starbucks! and trying not to think of financial consequences. It will probably kick me in an ass next week, when I start paying bills. 😞

[Erica-Leah in reply to natstad8]

I'm glad you are ok today. Maybe sometimes, we can indulge, not feel guilty because it makes us feel that life is better. Bills will always be there. God bless!

[natstad8 in reply to Erica-Leah]

You are right

[PeeDeeAye]

Hi! I can totally relate to this! Especially when there are prolonged periods of increased anxiety and depression (like for months at a time) and things just keep going badly; every time I try something new to get myself away from my negativity, there's always something to prevent it from happening successfully. So why then should I try to be happy? Why should I make an effort to try new things when it's gonna turn out badly and make me feel ten times worse at the end of the day? So I'm scared to feel happy because I don't deserve it and it won't last.

But you know what? We're here for each other. So I'll give my suggestion. Maybe we feel bad about being happy because we're focusing on all the negative things. Sometimes I feel like there are times when a series of bad luck hits me and people keep saying "oh you know, things will get better, you're alive so that's great, just pick yourself up-" and I just want to smack the daylights out of those people! Dude, be real, I won't be so upset if it was one of those regular situations! But I digress, it's just that people don't get it sometimes and its annoying.

So I think being realistic is key, but also, and most important to remember the good things in our lives. We can highlight these things as they occur or maybe at the end of each day instead of zooming in on the negative.

I understand your dilemma but I do believe that if we haven't chosen the easy way out (drugs, suicide) and we're here, it means we have hope and we want to try to get better.

Wishing you the best!

[natstad8 in reply to PeeDeeAye]

Those are great advices! Yes, we have to remember to concentrate on positive. I am very practical and I don't want to say I am a pessimist.

[Hidden]

Don't let it get to you, just let yourself be happy and don't listen to the bad thoughts.

Next time you have a smile on your face, keep it there.

[natstad8 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you 😄

[Hidden in reply to natstad8]

You are welcome.

Chat anytime... ☺

[Windy101]

It could be you feel that way because you don't think you deserve to be happy. That's simply not true, but lots of us have those thoughts. You'll just have to talk back to yourself and remind yourself that yes, you do deserve good things in your life, just like everyone else. You have a right to be happy, have fun, be loved, and have your dreams come true! Keep telling yourself that and see if it helps.

[natstad8 in reply to Windy101]

Thanks for reply!

[natstad8 in reply to Windy101]

I'm fighting this feeling of impending doom

[Erica-Leah]

what's the worst that you are imagining? Maybe it would help if you do journalling? So you will be able to read the next day that maybe, nothing really bad happened.

[natstad8 in reply to Erica-Leah]

I am afraid that I will be fired, or that the person will betray me or dump me. Or that I will get in some kind of trouble financially or get hurt. it seems like my life is to hard for me to involve another person. I feel bad for another person to be in my life, because it's crazy hard. I don't want to get attached to the person and then they will run away. Because I'm broke and asking for help, my depression, when I just want to be alone in my bed. My kids are all so hyperactive and really don't listen to me. They actually listen but not right away. I have to yell, put in time out and threaten before they actually listen. Why can't they just listen!!!

[Muchneeded in reply to natstad8]

Omg! My life right here! You just summed it up perfectly! 😞

[natstad8 in reply to Muchneeded]

So sorry. I hope we will find joy soon

[Muchneeded in reply to natstad8]

Me too

[Erica-Leah]

I hope you also rest. Maybe, if you rest, you might be able to think clearer. I suggest writing these thoughts, or journalling. There are people who are loyal, they will be there for you. But it's trick to find them.

Maybe your kids are just being kids?

[natstad8 in reply to Erica-Leah]

I will try journaling

[Veg_Gal]

Yes, for me it's like if I let my guard down or feel hope, it will all crumble down. When I think that way it helps me to get to the root of why my mind is saying these things( my life has been full of ups and downs, instability, etc) then realize life is not what I think it is it doesn't always "crash" when I am doing alright. Give yourself the tools for being able to handle both bad situations and good situation to have more control over your mind/ life. What you went through is traumatic I'm sure. I myself had to leave my family and brothers because of the abusive environment and went through a depression season.

[Hidden]

You know i get the same thoughts. I'm sorry your going through this. I have alot of thoughts I can' get rid of. I know it's terrible. I don't feel happy either.

[Hidden]

I feel like this all the time.