Do you think people are born to give more love then they will ever receive?

[Shanm2]

I had been in this Fwb for the last 8 years or so, and yesterday he informed me that he has met someone. I knew this would happen as we weren't officially together. But Fwb means no strings attached but i have gotten very attached even though he would never feel the same way. So you could say, i was setting myself up for pain. This is a crazy thing, i know.

The quote of "we accept the love we think we deserve" comes to mind. It sure does hurt my heart today and i just hope that i can get through this. And not turn on myself, but only help.

If you relate to this, then i'm so sorry. 😳

[fauxartist]

It is a catch 22 when you want that closeness a no strings attached relationship offers, but the non commitment part is the key. Some people like this set up because of their fear of commitment, but also because it's an easy out, a built-in back door to exit if things feel too dicey. The fear of being hurt is strong enough to want to feel somewhat in control in a non-committal relationship, but it's a high wire act too not get to emotionally involved...and when you do, it's a long fall down.

I would talk to a professional about this, for me, I had abandonment issues that always kept me in a kind of protective bubble around any relationships. My fear of being hurt overrode my need for having a committed relationship, and it can be very lonely and isolating.

[Shanm2 in reply to fauxartist]

I cannot begin to say how much your words really help ground me in some way, i related with what you wrote and felt it deeply.

Talking to a professional would be a good thing to do! I had open up a little about it to a professional a year or 2 ago and they were baffled about whole thing. It can be a isolating and lonely place to be, i'm sorry if you too, have felt this way.

Thank you soo much for you reply, it really helped because for a while there, i thought i might loose it.

Hope you are well!

[fauxartist in reply to Shanm2]

It took a few hits and misses for me to finally find a good fit for a therapist who understood abandonment and commitment issues. People forget that therapists are just people too, and as in any field, there are specialists in therapy. Some are more prone to be helpful with addiction issues, others with family issues, etc.

[Shanm2 in reply to fauxartist]

Oh i 100% agree with you there! The therapist i had was by all means the best one i've had so far, regardless of not really understanding the fwb situation i was in. They helped massively in other areas, where i were struggling with at the time.

It just added to the confusion to not really know what to do with my fwb arrangement and well, fast forward to a year or 2 later and this was the outcome (not to my surprise) but coming on here was so much help and with the replies i received were so much appreciated

[Roukaya]

Good afternoon Have you heard of the song owner of a lonely heart .

It would seem I have the title deeds of ownership of this song .

It is inevitable that an attachment will form between you and your friend and no doubt the heart strings are pulling you even more .

But if this friend really cared for you and valued you this person would have treated you with the respect you ultimately deserve .

I have realised that it is easy to cling on to smatterings of affection but this is not right andirons turn being devalued by your friend will erode your self esteem and self confidence.

Ultimately the Universe has decided for the friend to pull away from you and hopefully a better and more compassionate friend will come instead .

I wonder if you have heard the song Bad Romance as even she has suffered from a one sided kind of love .

[Shanm2 in reply to Roukaya]

Thank you for your reply and words! I think you were right in what you've said, it can be hard to let go once you've found yourself attached in some way to a person, i'm also aware that 8 years is a long time to be in a fwb situation and sorry if you've similar experience.

Your response is appreciated hugely and it helped in not making feel as alone.

Hope you are okay!

[Roukaya]

Good Afternoon I hope you are ok

I will always answer if someone messages me .

I am reaching a milestone age and I had a few sessions of Psychotherapy and this resonates with my own personal experience.

If someone really cares for you they will treat you much better than this .

Mutual love is based on shared respect , love and affection and care .

If someone really loves you they do not use and go this is not love and will never be love .

I have had psychotherapy to understand my parents always put themselves first and I came second and this would translate to a few ill fated encounters .

I think let this man go and you will go on to find someone who values you and treasured you .

But as you I know the pain of being discarded like this but I put it to experience and if you are meant to meet someone it will happen and love is kind and caring .

[Shanm2]

Hello again! I'm doing okay how about you?

I'm glad the the psychotherapy helped you!, but also i'm sorry you resonated with this also.

I think you were right in regards to the someone who loves you wouldn't treat you in such ways, i too have had parents that have done similar things over the years and so perhaps that does contribute towards later relationships or ill fated encounters (not putting blame on them)

Thats the hardest part though, isn't it? The letting go? Thanks again for this reply, its been both insightful and helpful

Hope you are well!