Stepmother

[No_Longer_Human]

I tried to fight those feelings. But it's been hours. It's been all night. Grandma called me at the evening and we were talking. She's calling me more than usual and she's judgemental so i ran put of topics and told her i really don't like how mom comes here because she doesn't like how dad made the appartment. I didn't even mention the cockroaches and all the junk. I feel bad about mom living there and having a broken heart now that i write it. Ah im going insane. So back to the topic. I said it's really dumb to have one green wall and the rest to be beige. Grandma said "Denitsa (stepmother) made it. She made the entrance too". I said "then she's dumb". Grandma said "no, she's writing her PhD thesis". That should have been me. But dad cutted my fonds because of her. And now im unemployed. And i wrote dad's PhD thesis. Maybe she's not writing one. Dad manipulates my grandparents. They thought he put a suit to go to defend his thesis while he putted a suit to go to court and divorce. Now they thought he's moving cities to teach at the university and he's not teaching sh1t. He just got a better paying job. He raised me in misery. If you think im jealous, think it. But im actually triggered they're talking about her. And how could she change the entire appartment i grew up in? Fill it with junk? This is Bulgaria. Everyone tells me women clean. And she's from a village so supposed to be more traditional. But she's just in denial that she's not a she. I won't post pictures but that's a 12yo boy. This homophobic beliefs. Wish dad just accepted himself and got a boyfriend. Mom wouldn't be getting EDs thinking she's ugly and old and no baby that led us alll to craziness. If you're going to comment he and she can do whatever they like, just skip. I'm triggered as fvck and I can't channel it. I can't scream or something. It's 7am and im alone. But i will be irritated at Christmas with mom and her mom and they will look at me like im some b1tch. Perhaps i am. But 4 years of screaming in my sleep and my mom slowly su1ciding because he couldn't put a rubber are not okay. And at least my grandma could not talk about her and the kid

[Alpakka123]

A lot of what you seem to be thinking are outside of your control. This is not a criticism but an observation. It can be surprisingly hard to let go of stressing over things we can't control. I know I have a hard time with that, but I'm learning to get better at "going with the flow". What are things in your life that you can control?

[No_Longer_Human in reply to Alpakka123]

Really good point. I can only control myself