Grandma promised me no gifting alchohol to mom and uncle still gifted her and she told me in front of mom to mind my bussiness. The audacity. And in front of mom said some alcohol in the freaking morning helps for heart. And when i got upset, they told me to shut the fuck up. Even my sister said it. She's distant and mean. They told me to mind my own bussiness translated as "you drug addict, you take antidepressants, it's the same". But it's not the same. No normal doctor prescribes drinking. And when i try to talk to grandma about it and that she's the only person who can stop mom from drinking and who knows her father and his family died from it. She tells me "it's unholy to talk about sad things today","im busy going to church", "my heart hurts, i don't feel well". Firstable it's more christian to help people, second i get worried about her health. Then they both look at me like im the b1tch. I shouldn't have gotten Christmas dinnar with them
Grandma is the only person who can st... - Anxiety and Depre...
Grandma is the only person who can stop mom and she encourages her
Ah, you are not the only one in the world suffering family turmoil in the holidays! Could you clarify the problem with alcolhol? I'm confused as to the exact nature of the problem. Merry Christmas, although it may have already passed for you!
I'm scared of her under the influence
Scared of her under the influence: I don't blame you. Bottom line there: You be safe and make sure she's safe.
You seem a little confused. Its only Christian to help people yes - when they ask for help. When its unasked for and unwanted it become interfering and intrusive. This is what you are doing then when you are told to mind your own business you accuse them instead and expect them to follow your instructions. Are you head of the family or something that they have to do what you tell them?
No - you aren't. I get you're worried about your mum, but that's YOUR issue, not hers. She will make her own decisions as will the rest of the family. Everyone has the right to go to hell in their own way so my advice is to butt out and stop harassing them or trying to order them about. Then getting annoyed when they exert their rights to do as THEY think best. Its not up to you to monitor their behaviour and trying to do so makes you come over as a control freak. Its not up to them to deal with your feelings - its up to you.
That's why they are saying these things to you. I would too if someone tried to order my life and control me too. Anyone would,
Many of us have advised you of this over the years but you are clearly not listening or taking this in and keep doing the same things over and again.
I know I am being blunt but you need a reality check young lady. Maybe you will listen this time?
I suspect what will happen though is you won't think about this or reply and will shortly put up another post saying exactly the same things. And so on until eternity.
The freedom stops when the person starts hurting themselves and others. Which she does. She abuses me till i got c-ptsd and personality disorder. This time for real i was going to su1cide if a guy didn't spend two hours on the phone with me. Im scared of the abuse. I don't want to be abused and tortured. She gave a knife to a toddler. It hurts me seeing someone i love hurt me, herself and sis to the point sis shutted down. My grandparents also control me, fatshame me, force me to eat different and sleep different. Since i was born. I'd rather be in a cage with a bear than in the same room or even house with her when she's drunk
To you everyone else is always to blame for your own issues. And its because her behaviour is hurting you. You don't think any of your behaviour ever hurts her? Or your father, sister or grandparents then? Why not. Maybe they blame you the same way you blame them? Or are you perfect?
No matter the cause of your issues you will never begin to heal until you take ownership of them as no one can help you but yourself. No one else can or will you know.
Has it never occurred to you that your mum is overworked and tired of having to support the household and a grown up daughter who just nags at her all the time and who isn't being an adult and contributing? You are probably one of the reasons she drinks. I know in her shoes that would hack me off big time. Yet she is still giving you a home despite everything. She doesn't have to you know and many parents would just cut you adrift to sink or swim especially in your mid 20's.
You are caught in a vicious circle here and if you want anything to change you have to be the one to break it. If things don't change then you will still be in exactly the same situation in 5 years, 10 years time. Do you really want that?
I do give you kudos though for not doing what you usually do which I stated in my 1st response to you. See one little thing has changed and that has to be good. Its not that hard is it.
I am saying these things to you in a last ditch attempt to get through to you for your own benefit. Decide on one tiny change a day. Such as biting your tongue and not commenting one time on your mums drinking a day. Then gradually increase it and think of other tiny changes you can also make. Little changes do over time lead up to big ones but you have to start in the first place. I know this is far from easy and I'm not saying it is but can you at least give what I said some thought please.
My heart is shattered. My brain is all over the walls. I want to work but I'm disabled. Have mercy
Really good advice!
I'm sorry sweetie you had to deal with their bullshit today and it's not right that they abuse you like that. Just know you don't deserve it at all and t isn't your fault it's just that they are abusive to you.And no psych meds aren't anticipated or antianxiety or mood stabilizer are not drugs or will never be.
Merry Christmas 🎄
Thank you. Wish they understood this
Oh, my love - the situation with you and your family is not good, is it? I'm afraid it's totally up to you to change things. Try not to let them bother you. If you can move out and live a grown-up life, they probably will treat you better. I know you have a love/hate relationship with them, especially your mother. I think I've mentioned before how much I hated my mother, and how I felt she ruled my life. But then (in my '40's) I distanced myself from her, and our whole relationship changed. You have many options. One is to distance yourself from them, and the other is to just not let them bother you. Best of luck. x
I know. I dream of having a house but they're so expensive. I just want a tiny cozy appartment where mom won't enter whenever she likes. But even people who are able to work don't get them, how am i supposed to do it physically and mentally disabled? There's a guy that offers me to live with him in his university city, in his place he rents, but that would be a lot of headache and idk if i can trust him
Equally, it's surely unholy to allow a situation to evolve where people are at each other's throats. You are right to expect more wisdom from the elders in your family, but sadly, this is not always the case. Unfortunately, your grandmother does not have the awareness that you have. The next stage in your personal development is to plan how you will cause peace to "break out" in your environment.
Yeah. I want a house but i can't work. A guy says he loves me and i can move out with him in his city but I'm not trusting so easily
That is so much gaslighting! I'm sorry.
For real! My family only knows how to gaslight me, blackmail me and manipulate me and belittle me and then they get mad when im on overload
My family is very similar. I have recently decided to cut off all contact with some of them. My mental health and peace of mind is not worth dealing with them anymore.
Yes but grandparents didn't give the appartment to me and im still financially dependent on my family because im mentally disabled
I understand. It's something to work towards. I'm a lot older than you so have had time to build up resources to be away from family. Sending you lots of support across the miles.
Thanks. I really want a home and financial independence but i can't get it when i vomit every time im close to work
You won’t achieve financial independence or freedom from the toxicity of your family until you gain emotional independence. Google it, watch some YouTube videos on how to emotionally detach. Also, I would recommend you try some self-homework. Go back and read your posts from the past years. As a Psy graduate, you should be able to see some pattern recognition. Ask yourself these questions: Am I asking for the same advice I asked for 5 years ago? If so, why? What am I doing wrong? What are my timeline goals? What am I seeking validation for? Did I really want advice? Why can’t I accept the advice given to me? Am I only looking for love and hugs or do I actually want change in my life? Being emotionally independent means not needing outside validation. It means being able to see beyond the drama and not engage, including with your mom. She’ll always love you and you her. Doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily have much of a relationship with her until she decides to better herself. Until then…let go because you’re 24 and it’s time.
You’ve been given tons of advice from educated people here who’ve overcome adversity and mental health challenges. Listen to them. Ask questions if you aren’t clear what they’re saying to you. I understand English is not your primary language so if that’s the issue let us know and we’ll figure out a way to translate for you
Having a disability in today’s society does not mean you can’t achieve some form of financial independence. Master the art of emotional independence first. Then you’ll be able to live and work independently. You’ll be able to afford doctors and a place of your own chosing where you contol when and how often you engage with family and friends. That in itself will allow you to attract more abundance into your life. You seem like a smart person. Smart people aren’t afraid of change. Have the courage to control yourself and your reactions. Try to stop and catch yourself before you let excuses get in the way of actions. You can do this. It’s time to grow up and be your own boss. Good luck🍀
Thank you. Im just all alone
Hi again,
Some more thoughts from me. You say that you get sick whenever you get near work. This is surely an excuse for not working because there is no such thing as being allergic to work (which is essentially what you're saying). You say that you're too disabled to work. Could it be that you secretly don't want to work? Could it be that you are too scared to work? I'd rather you think about these questions instead of answer them.
You say you want a home and financial independence. From where I'm sitting, there's a simple solution for this. Getting a job would pave the way to getting both of these. The added benefit is that it would get you out of the house and away from family drama. Maybe it will help to know that getting a job would help you more than anyone else.
Some words from my psychiatrist, who would say this to me: "you can do hard things" (meaning that you can get out of your comfort zone). I can do hard things. YOU can do hard things.
I do get sick. Idk how it works
I'm sorry that you get sick, but I highly doubt it's because of work itself. Is it the idea of work? Or the idea of doing something that is outside of your comfort zone? Or maybe the idea of being responsible for yourself? Whatever the reason, I do think that you are having anxiety about getting out there and working. Is this correct? (you don't need to answer if uncomfortable doing so).
You don't need to be afraid to be honest with yourself. You're certainly not doing yourself any favors by not being honest with yourself. You can only work on the parts of yourself you are honest with. An example of this is your mom: your mom can't work on herself until she admits that she has a problem with alcoholism. The same goes for mental illness and getting help for it. Those with mental illness can't get help for it unless someone admits to having it in themselves. The same goes for everything, in fact. We can't get help for any problems/problem areas until we first admit that it's a problem in ourselves.
Grandma can only make promises for herself; she presumably didn't think about suggesting to her son not to buy alcohol. Nobody's perfect, but they're not helping your mum. A few drinks when it starts to get dark might have been ok, but to start in the morning and keep going? Nah, that's not healthy at all, and this situation isn't doing any good for you.
So what will happen when your gran passes away and your mum follows her not long after? What will happen to you and your sister then? It's maybe a bit gloomy, but it might put things in perspective, and are you going to wait that long, or will you finally grasp life by the horns, get your mental health sorted out, and leave. Anything after that would be a bonus. Happy New Year!
I was reading this, grandma told me to get out of the way and i snapped saying my sister doesn't want me in our room and im the bad guy. Also say this to the cat lady telling me to stop venting about my mom
I know what you mean. Profiles are there to be read! If you don't read the profile, you can't cast judgement. You are allowing yourself to be a doormat; that's what you have to focus on - not playing the victim. Your room is your room, not just your sister's, unless you have a rota - don't think that would work, would it?
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