Hi all , I've joined today in the hopes I can help myself and build some new friendships. I think I'm going through a break down of sorts ( crying constantly for last few days amongst other symptoms).
I'm in my 40s , been divorced for over 12 years from an abusive marriage , I've just split two months ago from my now ex fiance. My relationships have been a way in which I've shown how I feel about myself in a sense , low self esteem , low self worth ,codependent and people pleaser. I've allowed myself to be walked over and accepting of some very bad treatment whilst living in constant worry. I know I'm tp blame for allowing it
Right now it seems everything has hit me, my children have grown up , I've been diagnosed with endometriosis , I'm very lonely and I don't really have any close friends and right now I'm more and more anxious to leave the house and I tend not until I need to shop.
I'm on anti anxiety medication and have been for over 20 years.
Thank you for letting me vent
Written by
Needaholiday101
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Welcome.... and many of us understand about building up from living with low-self esteem and finding a way to love ourselves....put up boundaries....and have the self respect we deserve. Often it takes not being in relationships to begin with so you can be focused on yourself and start finding those root causes of why we felt that way and why many of us here still battle with it. Mine was child abuse and trauma, as well as living with the resulting CPTSD from it, I also inherited the depression that has run in my family for generations. Abandonment issues caused the majority of my self worth issues. All of these things took a lot of therapy and reading, and groups, and sites like this to start the healing. It's a life long work in progress....and I am glad your here, there are lots of very kind people.
Thank you so much for your reply. Right now I want to pull myself together and stop being a blubbering mess. Yesterday I tried so hard to get it together and was productive and held back the tears then in the afternoon I just broke down. Thank you for listening
I think it's really okay to be getting all that stuff out.... sometimes after years of holding stuff in, it just comes out....all over the place...and that's good...and when your ready, you will move forward with what your comfortable with working on. I don't know if you have a therapist, it's becoming more difficult for most....but any support groups can be resources to start understanding all this stuff.... Sharing here is also a great tool, writing is cathartic, and having a place like this with people who understand is really healing.
Thank you so much. I have had counselling but I've never found that it had worked for me . I've done cbt and it's something I put in to practise. Anything other than that I've not done and I can't afford any real therapy .
I'm sorry the counseling you have had is not helping you.
A lot of times past traumas can cause us to be people pleasers and accept negative behaviors from others. I'm not sure if that's the case for you.
Maybe you could check out some you tubes on co dependency, people pleasing etc. There are many things out there not that you might be able to benifit from
Sending hugs. Don't beat yourself up. It takes two to wreck a relationship, as my ex once said to me. Mind you he had done something outrageous to break us up. 🤔
Thank you so much. I meant I am responsible for letting some treat me so badly. My last relationship my ex would put zero effort so I would try and over compensate and he was / is a functionaling alcoholic. I felt very single in the relationship and I went from spending more time at home because he never wanted to go anywhere and so I've lost my confidence in going places.
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