I'm new here

I feel so alone. I have lost relationships with a lot of close friends over the past few years. Maybe I can't consider them close friends because they treated me so poorly. Also, some of my friends I grew apart from because I could not relate to them anymore. I cannot make friends easily. I feel even more alone because I'm married and I never see my husband. My husband is in the military so he goes away a lot. I'm not close with my parents, never have been because of the physical/verbal abuse I endured growing up. I do not have a great support system and I feel alone all the time. I cry a lot. I'm going to be a doctor soon once I pass my boards in a year. I feel stressed all the time and alone. Everyone around me is so put together all the time. I can't ever be myself because the world i'm in is so judgmental. All the friends I've made lately are friends in the profession so I can't be myself around them. I have to hide who I am because it would be frowned upon and looked at as if I will be an incompetent doctor. I feel so alone. I stay up late at night because I do not want to face the next day. I wish I could take some time off but I can't I have over 100,000 in student loans and need my career to pay them off. Everyone in my field expects so much out of me. I have no more of me to give. I'm burnt out, sad, and alone. I always feel like I'm surviving, I'm never living, only surviving. It took over 10 years for me to get to where I am and I feel so empty.

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Hello katesmith!

I can understand the intense pressure you’re under at this time in your life, but I don’t know what it’s like being a doctor. I’m a nurse and can only imagine how superficial your relationships with other doctors must be. Some are very judgmental and stuffy, but not all. I don’t make friends easily either, but I’m ok with that. I too endured physical/emotional abuse as a child that created loads of negative self-talk that I have struggled with. I applaud your tenacity for pursuing a career as a doctor! This has to be an extremely stressful time for you.

Try not to ruminate over work the next day and your loan debt as this is looking too far into the future, causing anxiety and stress. I have to live in today only to have any chance at peace of mind. Ruminating over the past is so counterproductive and causes depression. Worry only about the things over which you have control each day and let go of the rest. And I mean really let go! Staying out of the past and future along with focusing only on what you have control over each day will free up some space and definitely lighten your load to help you feel like you’re living again!

This forum is a great place to share/vent your feelings...you’re never alone! I was wondering if you’re spiritual at all? I’m so glad you came here to get your feelings off your chest. This is a safe place without judgement! Wishing you the best 🙂

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Thank you! I don't feel as alone being on here. Your right, I'm stressing over things that are not in my control or are way too far in the future. It will take time for me to figure out how to make myself happy and not feel so alone. I'm also learning that my coworkers will only be my professional friends and my real friends are separate. I need to have faith that I will make friends where ever I end up. Thank you again for the message. It was really comforting to have support.

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I’m so sorry you are feeling alone and under so much pressure. There is a group called adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families, they have phone meetings everyday at different times. Just go to their website by searching up adult children of alcoholics meetings. Congratulations on being so close to finishing your boards, that is quite an accomplishment. Life will start to feel more manageable once you are working and paying down your debt, for now just focus on school and getting support for yourself.

[gogogirl]

Congratulations on being a doctor. Wow!!!! I have worked in education so I know what working with people and for them can be - a lot of preassure. I admire people who are in the medical field , and want to thank you and them in general for all that you do to help people. It must be an awful lot of preassure also to have your husband away so much. Welcome by the way.