There are no substitutes for human connection (long essay-ish thing I needed to get out)

[CroutonBehavior]

Like most people in this day in age, I have been dealing with increasing loneliness. Most days, my first or second thought upon waking up is, “Where is someone I can be near?” I look around and despite living with two other family members, I still have nowhere to turn. Because I’m not just looking for interaction, I am looking for a healthy relationship which I don’t have with any member of my family.

Instead of going to the nearest person for company, I usually pick up google and type in something about how to make this feeling stop. The AI overview tells me to reach out and if I have no one to reach for, then go out in the world and campaign for friends. Having 8 billion options sounds like a lot until you realize how many of us do not trust each other.

So artificial intelligence gives me more advice. It tells me humans use classes and social events to spark conversation. But upon looking, most classes in my area are made by people outside my age group, for people outside my age group. Most of the people around my age (20-24) are working and in school. If not, they are living with family like I am and are dealing with the same dilemma as me. We can go online and find each other much easier because of our anxiety around going outside. But words on a screen and even a voice call is not the same as seeing someone in the flesh. We end up treating each other poorly and the glamor of having someone hear you wears off when that person doesn’t feel as real as they could.

Finally I am told to distract myself or find professional help which is maybe the worst and most backhanded of them all. I’ll eventually post about why finding professional help is a dystopian concept to me. But for now, let’s just say that you usually do not want to laugh with your therapist. Maybe some feel less lonely, sharing their feelings with another person. For me, it’s a grueling process that subtracts from any social benefit I might be getting.

In the end, I cannot simply distract myself because it isn’t simple and it is not a solution of any kind. It feels the worst to me because we live in a world where socialization is being seen as less and less of a basic need. No one would recommend distracting yourself from starvation or life threatening cold. A deep breath will not satiate my need for mutual trust, respect, and understanding. Pretending that we need no one and that our mental wellness can be sustained entirely alone is false.