Help with being interesting/creating conversation ?

[cjacollins]

Hey, this post is mainly asking for any tips/advice on how to be a more interesting/talkative individual. I really struggle with conversing with people, (outside of my main set of close friends). I literally do not know what to say most of the time and this really bothers me..

For example, If I ever get in a serious relationship, I'm pretty sure the girl will get bored of me after the initial excitement of getting to know each other.. Like I look at people, and couples in particular and they always seem to know what to say and how to make each other laugh.. and are generally just interesting people.. but i don't feel like i have that..

And it's not even just in terms of relationships.. Other than my close group of friends I don't really know how i am supposed to be in terms of creating conversation, this leads to awkward silences of me just generally showing signs of anxiety..

so yeah, if anyone has any tips on how to be more interesting/create more deeper/meaningful/ more of a flow to the conversation feel free to comment because it really does bother me ..

[Vrt14]

Yes, I know what you mean, I'm kinda like that too, it's not much fun to be around me. But one advice I can give you is to ask questions about that person. People like to talk about their lives, so better ask them questions and listen proactively to what they're saying than talk about yourself.

[cjacollins in reply to Vrt14]

Thank you for your comment ! That's actually really helpful, but what do I do after I've exhausted the typical questions like "what do you do for a living" etc

[Vrt14 in reply to cjacollins]

Well, you can always talk about the weather. I try to give people compliments, too. I ask all kinds of questions, where they grew up, do they have any pets, do they have any family, what kind of food they like, what is their favorite restaurant, where did they go on vacation, are they into sports. What are their hobbies? I like to go hiking and I volunteer as an usher at the Symphony concerts. You can always talk about TV, movies, books etc.

[cjacollins in reply to Vrt14]

when you put it like that it seems so easy and natural! I will definitely try this in future.. I don't if part of the problem is that I over think too much.. but then if I don't I probably wouldn't say anything at all .

[HearYou in reply to cjacollins]

After watching men talk to each other, may I suggest that you not ask that question. It can be like asking how large a herd a cattleman has, which is equal to asking how much money does he have. Men go through stages of their careers and family life. And there real ups and down periods. Let the other men get around to offering clues to that. If you are asked about your occupation, that opens a great door to conversing with men....cause you don't have to respond directly. I have watched men, who often sit next to one another instead of facing one another, just say "oh, work? Rather talk about the Yankees game the other night. Did you see that catch in the 7th? Oh, not baseball fan? What are you into?" Now you have shifted into the listener, and haven't stumble into basically discussing your or his financial situation.

I like Lilaclil's suggestions. And I like watching my husband, if there are just more than 3 people together and a conversation starts, he says as few words as possible and listens and smiles, nods his head and is learning about the others as they compete for conversation time.

[Hidden]

Hi 2 golden rules for conversation. Ask others about themselves and what they have been up to. Everyone loves a good listener and you will have their full attention.

Second one if you aren't sure what to say then say nothing and just smile. x

[cjacollins in reply to Hidden]

Great advice, thank you 😊

[Hidden in reply to cjacollins]

And a third one. Don't talk about your issues unless you know the person well enough to think they will be ok with it. It's ok to mention that you have anxiety or depression etc. as long as it's done casually and as part of the conversation but don't elaborate unless they show interest. x

[cjacollins in reply to Hidden]

Yeah that's a good point actually, generally I don't discuss it, only with like one of my close friends but I'm sure he's growing bored hearing about it..

[Hidden in reply to cjacollins]

I have found that being with friends and talking about other things can make you feel better and take your mind off yourself without having to talk about your depression etc. x

[Sash86]

Just ask what the persons likes and interests are. Let them contact you and I’m sure you will do fine. Some people say they will contact you but don’t life is weird

[lilsaddude]

OMG i have the same issues! Like I can be at work and I just avoid everyone like the plague so I don’t have to be forced into a conversation with someone and reveal how boring my life actually is and how I have no redeeming qualities.

Like damn how does everyone else manage to be spontaneous and so charismatic while I’m just here having a mild anxiety attack over someone asking me about how I’m doing in school.

[cjacollins in reply to lilsaddude]

This is literally me! It's so frustrating!